Mid 30s - what are items are definitely no longer suitable?

[Shopkinshurtlikelego]

Mid 30s, size 6-8, lost my way a bit.
Chucked out a lot of stuff (all too big) and buying new. Love some of the current fashions and finally feel I can wear them due to the weight loss but now I might be too old?
I’m guessing short dresses and mini skirts are a no which is fine, I don’t want to wear them anyway. What else is a definite no?

@EatenbyDinosaurs And a random picture of Katie Holmes wearing a 'peasant dress'. I had to google it too.

We all tend to get hung up on negative comments. No matter how many compliments you might get, if someone gives one bad comment that's the one that sticks. I got a stupid comment about my nose when I was 16 and it stuck with me for a long time. I had no problem with my nose before that and I don't now, but these kind of comments make you think there's something wrong with you, especially as a teen.

@Sakura7 Yes, it was a bit odd really, not sure why Katie Holmes wearing a peasant dress was so noteworthy, poor woman

Also I really hate the post where someone said how their own legs are great but their daughter has "peasant legs and cankles" and to make it worse how it's a family joke! - that kind of attitude in the home is very harmful to young girls mental well being and often forms long term insecurities about it.

I think overall I’m like a 3/10 anyway (according to dh too!) so I struggle to find anything at all that looks nice!

I think overall I’m like a 3/10 anyway (according to dh too!)

He said that?

Oh darling, you need more supportive people around you.

I'm 10 years older than you, and my legs are still better than my teenage daughter's (has sadly inherited MIL's peasant legs and cankles)

Jesus wept. And the 'family cankles' as a joke. WTAF?

There's nothing uglier than a bitter, nasty attitude or comparing oneself to one's own daughter.

I think overall I’m like a 3/10 anyway (according to dh too!)

Holy shit OP, I don't think you need style advice, I think you need to have a look at the Stately Homes thread in the Relationships board.
That's really sad

Well after I’d lost two stone and got a few new things he said ‘you can roll shit in glitter but it’s still shit’. So generally not very complimentary!

He sounds like an abusive arse OP

I'm 48 and don't see myself as middle age!! Who gives a shit what you wear!! When I was about 11 I had some shorts on this man i didnt know made a nasty remark about my legs...hated them ever since! How awful that a poster takes the piss out of her daughter!!

OP based on your latest two posts I really think you need some support to deal with what appears to be emotional abuse.

A truely loving, caring partner would never dream of saying either of those two things to you. An emotionally abusive partner would happily say those things - they use it as a form of control - keeping you feeling crap about yourself stops you having the confidence to leave, do right by yourself and have the kind of partner you deserve.

Jesus Christ OP that's horrendous . He does sound abusive.

Your DH should be your cheerleader, the one who's always got your back, who's always building you up and who can be trusted and relied on to have your best interests at heart. A true partner in every sense of the word, a team.

That's what everyone deserves, not someone who tries to make them feel crap for some insidious reason of their own agenda.

That's fucking horrible. I hope you told him the only thing that's shit is his personality.

Get a grip woman! I've only recently starting to admit that I might be heading for middle-age and I'm in my mid-50s

And no, don't listen to your mother. Fashion is the one area where mother really doesn't know best. Unless your mother is Coco Chanel.

And seriously get rid of the wanker.

Do you have anyone in your life who is at all positive about your body image?

I think you actually need a thread on the relationships board, more than a style & beauty thread. I think you'll naturally find your style again once you are free of emotionally abusive influences.

Goodness! Having read your latest post Im inclined to take back my first.

As others have said it can be slow-motion devastating for people - especially those close to you - to make sweeping negative comments about your appearance. Very hard to rise above.

But you must! Other people are much less judgemental and I rather hope that most women feel as I do - free to please myself regarding my wardrobe choices. There really aren’t any rules in this area of life. (Not in England, at least. Not unless you deliberately set out to get yourself arrested for indecent exposure.) Wear clothes, have fun.

Shopkins, having seen your other post about BMI, you do seem to have some body image issues and I’m not sure posting in Style and Beauty is helpful to you - given what your DH has said, Relationships might be a good port of call.

I’m a similar age and a very different size to you btw and I wear what I like (including many things S&B tends to disapprove of - I sometimes wear a slogan t shirt, big patterns, tops which show my bra straps and I wear a bikini at size 20 as well). I follow models on Instagram of a similar age and body shape to me - there are plenty of bloggers out there in a far more diverse range than you will see in pop up adverts. I’m happier the older I get and the fewer fucks I give as to what anybody thinks of me.

Damn. Honestly, sounds like you have some extra weight to shift. Your dh. Bet he's no inshape oil painting himself.

Sorry posted too soon - even if he is, still doesnt give him right to say those types of things. No wonder you're wondering about clothing etc with your mum and dh both putting the boot in.

I mean - I’m sure he’s right!
Maybe my question should be what should you wear if you aren’t very attractive apart from a paper bag...
perhaps I will look on Instagram / YouTube and see if there’s any ideas for my sort of colouring and size.

Why would you and your husband have married if he didn’t find you outstandingly attractive?

He's not right, and I bet you would look stunning in a paper bag.

You dieted down to a size 6-8 and your DH is saying nasty things about how you look? Can you genuinely not see what is wrong with this situation?!

Wear whatever clothes you like.

And tell your mum to fuck off

Shopkins one thing I can tell you with absolute certainty is that HE IS NOT RIGHT.
Its like that line in one of the Pirates of the Caribbean films "the problem is not the problem, its your attitude about the problem."

In this case, it sounds like the problem is not your physical appearance but your lack of self esteem and lack of love for yourself, compounded by being surrounded by toxic people who spout crap.

You've done brilliantly with your weight loss, but you'll never feel truly good in your own skin if you don't love yourself.

You have to start small sometimes, so every time you look in the mirror, instead of saying/thinking negative stuff and running yourself down "oh look at that ugly nose, and those....."
Say or think "wow! Looking good today Shopkins, didn't I do my eye-shadow well today?"

Every single time your brain tries to criticise yourself mentally shout "WRONG!!!" and pay yourself a compliment instead. It takes time to correct and retrain your inner voice, bit personally it's the one single thing which has made the most difference to my life.

You are beautiful, you are amazing and your husband and mum are talking crap x