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How can I update my look?

151 replies

Ruby789 · 23/02/2019 11:47

I look best in dresses, specifically block colours in bright primary colours done (jewel winter). Shapes that pretend to have a waist, or allow me to add one (a-line, sundress, tea, slip, wrap, sheath). Hem line is best 3 inches above the knee (maxi, midi, on the knee make me look short and dumpy). Fabrics like silk, satin, chiffon, velvet, thin knit, cotton, polyester (but not not linen, corduroy, tweed, chunky knit). Nothing loose or baggy nor clingy. Jewellery is ideally small and dainty, can wear bigger earrings in the evening and long necklaces are better than short ones. Make-up is generally like Alison Brie, but with a bright lip. Hair is trying to be like the Duchess of Cambridge but darker and no highlights (and I can’t get that shine and bounce). I wear cardigans (left open) with everything, but look much slimmer in a fitted collarless blazer (feel self-consciously too formal?). I do wear jeans and a top on weekends, typically with a silk cami or a slim knit jumper and I don’t look overdressed next to someone in a basic t-shirt. Odd as it sounds I make casual clothes look like pyjamas so have to dress everything up a bit. I’m rectangular/8 shape, biggest on the high hip.

I wanted to simplify everything and stop buying things that don’t suit me. And I’ve succeeded, but now have a new problem. I look so samey and a bit 90’s. I think because of the block primary colours and man-made fabrics, but they honestly do suit me best. I glow in electric blue, I wilt in cornflower blue.

I’m closest in style to Jess Day from New Girl (without glasses), mixed with Paige Matthews (Charmed).

How can I update this look?

OP posts:
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Alwayscheerful · 11/03/2019 17:28

@bangkokshoes watching the thread for ideas. I follow the 40 not frumpy page. the jacket was from
H & M Oxford Circus. I love the green.

How can I update my look?
banivani · 12/03/2019 12:05

Re compliments it's my experience that most people compliment what they see as "pretty" and/or things that are colourful and stand out. I get a lot of compliments when I wear my bright green items because people can't help noticing them I think ;) but I don't really set much store in them, I don't wear them for other people. And I think it could just as well be that they see them and feel they have to say something and say "cool trousers" rather than "wow, I'd see you coming in the dark" because they're nice people Grin

bangkokshoes made some interesting points about the collarless things being twee. I def think collarless things can date quickly, a bit like in the 90s when blazers with a hood had a moment. Someone has the idea to update the blazer by removing the lapels and it's fun for five minutes and then it's old. Sometimes classic shapes are a part of staying current. I say this as someone who has a lot of ideas about what suits me and not, because I have a broad back and a bit of a bust and avoid things that make me feel too top-heavy, I feel like an apple with two twigs stuck in for legs iyswim. Bizarre really coz legs are sturdy too haha. But I avoid ruffles and fluff like the plague.

I'm having trouble with the comparison pics you posted because they feel very dated too Wink although I think I see the point you're trying to make. But in the last one for example there are a lot of other things that change the look besides removing the wide lapels - and the new jacket does have lapels too so they're not removed.

Didn't love the sandals, sorry - they're not my thing generally I'll admit but they felt a little fussy/cheap and tbh a bit old-fashioned. That said at my age you've seen all teh fashions to their rounds so a lot of things can feel "done". Feel free to ignore me ;) you're wearing the clothes!

Atalune · 12/03/2019 12:49

These sandals are much nicer and less fussy. here

Ruby789 · 12/03/2019 15:49

Thanks for finding the jacket Alwayscheerful, know it was bangkokshoes but helps me too.

I did have a quick rummage about at home, and two-thirds of my jacket/coat collection is collarless, funnel neck or barely there single breasted. I do have a couple of fully classic things though. I am hoping to find a new wool coat for next winter in the sales and will look specifically for collared coats. I can see the politeness now (in collarless) that I was oblivious to before.

Haven't got the sandals yet, so will wait and see if I like them in person before deciding. Atalune I have a near identical pair of sandals to those in nude. They are my go-to when I wear bold patterns in spring/summer. To me they are fairly classic/inoffensive in style. Thought I was looking for odd looking unexpected things? I'm not trying to be annoying, I am finding this whole process a bit frustrating tbh. Nothing I try looks good on me.

I spent another fruitless evening in changing rooms last night. It's a workout at least. The shops are currently full of things that I don't like (the worst of the 90's, oversized shapeless everything, tacky stuff). I try on 18 things I normally wouldn't and buy the least worst as a "maybe", dwell for a few days and then return most of those items too.

I am not destined to be trendy because I can't see the art in fashion, I don't quite do classic that well either, I like too much colour to be chic, covet variety over quality, and the only silhouette i'm interested in is the one that makes me look the least fat. And I'm finally ok with that.

Thank you to everyone who has contributed to this thread. I hope you don't feel you've wasted your time. You have helped me enormously. Even though I don't look much different than when I started the thread, I feel much more confident in my personal style, even if that style is simply the absence of any style at all.

OP posts:
Alwayscheerful · 12/03/2019 16:43

This thread is helping me think more about how I put my outfits together and how little things make the difference between dated and current.
I like Clemence Poecy's look but can't afford Chanel or Isabel Marant. I think it's good to look outside your comfort zone and your posts are a great help.

bangkokshoes · 12/03/2019 20:02

Hey OP, well done for trying all that stuff on! I too am following this thread because it's helpful in thinking about my own style. I'm at the age where it's easy to get stuck in a rut whilst navigating the whole young vs middle aged dynamic and trying to ignore stupid daily mail type articles declaring what over 30's should and shouldn't wear! Angry

My tuppence worth (continuing from last post) is that you're simply looking for versions of your clothes that have more of an edge. So E.g. jackets with collars, shoes with square block heel, etc

I have always liked the habit of pairing edgy with classic- not so much a current trend as a way of dressing that's been around for years- as I think it keeps things fresh.,eg casual logo t-shirt & jeans paired with stilletos, or posh frock paired with sneakers, and my face winter going out outfit- woolly jumper with sequin skirt. I know it's not new but it just works and allows me to feel comfortable too as there's always that element of casual comfort in the outfit.

I was a busy overworked teacher, and ran out of clean clothes once, and in the absence of any clean work clothes I ended up wearing a black tie cocktail dress to work with converse and a denim jacket! I got away with it (I think)!!

Anyway, keep the faith and keep experimenting. Your sense of style sounds amazing!

banivani · 12/03/2019 21:49

Ah no worries OP, the main thing is that you’re happy when you get dressed! And you did get a pair of jeans out if it, right? ;)

Ruby789 · 13/03/2019 11:27

Gosh was I in a mood yesterday! Sorry.

I have indeed learnt so much, and I'm not giving up forever, just waiting for the current trends to pass and see if what follows in its wake is more for me. I have this morning purchased a proper style biker jacket with a collar and everything, one in charcoal and one in navy (as my collarless ones are black and white). The berry one I have is not what we're looking for. Fingers and toes crossed they fit when they get here.

I will absolutely think more carefully when I dress about adding something with a bit more edge, and I think I am finally understanding what 'edge' looks like.

I also think I understand what you mean by the details being what keeps you current.

I have bought a few things in addition to what i've posted that are great (ebay, vinted and charity shops), which I wouldn't have found if it wasn't for the tips in this thread. I haven't posted them because it would be a bit outing. I also have a load of new-to-me brands to look out for, and importantly I have a plan and a lot of sources of inspiration.

I'm going to find items to fill in the basics I'm missing (with an eye on quality not quantity) and keep experimenting - especially with separates. And there is no hurry.

I am much better at interiors than I am dressing, but I realise I do somehow achieve a better balance when I decorate, a mix of matt/shiny, light/dark, textured/smooth, curved/straight etc... and I need to think more along those lines when getting dressed. I have a tendency to go too 'soft' in personal style.

OP posts:
Atalune · 13/03/2019 11:32

Ah nice to see you back!

Being in a style rut is so annoying. I bet you look fantastic!

Ruby789 · 18/03/2019 21:31

Just in case anyone was about to make the same mistakes ...

The sandals were horrible as you predicted, returned.
The chicwish cardigan was very much obese sheep territory, returned.
The navy biker jacket wasn't the right kind of blue, returned.
The grey is the right colour, but was only available in an 8. I can't do it up. It annoys me flapping about so not sure i'll keep it.

OP posts:
Brummiegirl15 · 19/03/2019 10:22

Only just found this thread, and really enjoyed reading it.

I have similar issues, I'm 42, and a Mum of two toddlers. Feeling tired and frumpy and desperately want to feel better about how i look!

MunsteadWood · 19/03/2019 18:28

Just saw this thread and read through the whole thing as I really feel in a similar situation at the moment. For me it's since having my son 1.5 years ago I just a) struggle to find time to go shopping / try things on and b) still haven't quite got to grips with what suits my PP body shape.

I'm definitely stuck in a rut of the same old skinny jeans & jumper / sweatshirt combo for weekends and plain pencil skirt & same jumpers again for work.

Inspired by advice on here I'm planning to book a JL personal shopping appt and challenge myself to try on items outside my normal comfort zone (I often find that when I pick out what I think is a lovely new clothing item, DH takes one look at it and says "haven't you already got a [top/skirt/jumper etc] like that?").

Also think the suggestions from PPs of getting one or two quality statement items is great. I've recently got a gorgeous quality leather biker jacket and a pair of smart white trainers. I've been wearing them both so much they're also now at risk of becoming a "uniform" but they're definitely working to "edge up" my normal (boring) look.

Ohyesiam · 19/03/2019 18:57

Just read the bit about your body shape op. I am similar, but overweight too. I’ve had great success with the blood sugar diet, it’s the only thing to make me lose waist and belly fat.

Ruby789 · 19/03/2019 20:16

Brummiegirl15 and MunsteadWood yes definitely try all the advice here. It's been so helpful and I am continuing to follow it despite my tantrum! Still seeking new things, but I know what i'm looking for now, and i'm determined to buy them from places I don't usually shop.

Yes, beware just replacing the current uniform with a new one. Rotate, rotate, rotate! Putting things away properly at night reduces the ease at grabbing the same thing day after day. Even tiny changes daily make a massive difference.

Have started weeding out my similar clothes, so where I have two different but arguably similar dresses, the one I like least is going to be sold on ebay (need the money to fund the makeover).

Also, make yourself a list of the gaps in your wardrobe and prioritse finding those first.

Buy the 'yes' and 'maybe' items from your experimenting and try them at home in combination with your existing clothes. If you are still not sure at this stage, bring it back, you wont wear it. Something better for you will come along.

Ohyesiam Thanks for the tip. Looks a bit hardcore, but i'm keen to give it a go. Lose weight off my elbows and earlobes before my body wants to use up the obvious useless flesh.

OP posts:
MunsteadWood · 20/03/2019 07:42

Yes you're so right - have forced myself to wear a different coat this morning!

Also - in lieu of actually going shopping which I will attempt at the weekend - I am trying to shop my wardrobe and today am wearing a skirt which I probably haven't worn in a good two years. DH declared the look "very Izzy Gould from W1A", which I definitely take as a compliment!

Am going to make an effort to wear more of the perfectly fine but basically never worn items in my wardrobe and see if I can inject a bit more interest into my looks.

MunsteadWood · 20/03/2019 07:48

(Izzy maybe not the "edgiest" dresser but I like her style...)

Ruby789 · 20/03/2019 12:45

I really like that phrase 'shop my wardrobe' :)

I am so lazy I often pluck my clothes straight off the airer! No more, everything gets put away properly and selected.

I just googled her, definitely a compliment.

OP posts:
Ohyesiam · 20/03/2019 13:22

Ruby blood sugar diet is hardcore, but you lose weight really quickly so the motivation is high! He talks about How are encouraged to lose weight slowly but actually apparently there is no research on slowly being better than fast and as I say motivation is the time is fast.
I’m posting again because I remembered that last summer I got a couple of drop waist dresses from Hush that worked really well with my apple shape.

Ruby789 · 20/03/2019 14:50

Ohyesiam, you have convinced me to give it a go :) I know you shouldn't put things off, but i'll need to read the book and form a plan (veggie so usually need to adapt things) .... i'll aim start next Monday.

OP posts:
MadameDD · 20/03/2019 15:05

Wanted to comment...

I'm not keen on COS either - my SIL and her SIL love it but I've only ever bought a few pieces from there and two which I wear...

&Other Stories I love on the other hand - dresses, etc just seem to suit me but I'm more of a dress girl too like you.

I'm wondering if Mango or Arket could work for you with regards to your style types (Jess Day/Paige Matthews).

For me the Izzy Gould look isn't something I'd personally go for when compared to Jess/Paige above - only because I would LOVE to be able to pull off a silk/satin cami/cami dress etc - sadly even when I was size 8 etc I've always had larger norks and strappy tops - which I've tried to wear just aren't me!

There's an old style Whistles Paris print dress I got from Ebay which I think would be perfect on you - something like in this link:-

www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Whistles-Silk-tea-Dress-Vintage-Wedding-Holiday-Garden-party-Size-10/163598948675?hash=item261741d943:g:fNUAAOSwiZhcgvnN

re updating it - I think you said you don't wear leather - Vera Moda have gorgeous colourful (red/blue etc) suede biker jackets which would 'trend up' a dress like the one above - check Zara etc for man made versions. I also love colour and prints. But, I think colour can look 'trendy'.

I really wouldn't try to vary too much from what suits you though as one can come across as well it just doesn't suit one!

I've tried the animal/fake snake trend which is around right now - and whilst I've got a few new pieces of that kind - black fake snake Zara jeans (with no stretch etc) from Zara did me no favours, so returned and a cutesy animal print top/blouse that was half and half ok but did me no favours so returned! Trial and error!

Ruby789 · 20/03/2019 15:59

That Whistles dress is perfectly exactly my style! I'm going to try and get it :) Wish me luck.

Haha, yeah, I never need to worry about strappy anything really. I do have to worry about bra exposure though, so if I have to size up to account for my middle, there can be so much of a gap at the boobs its unwearable because the neckline is halfway down my bra. Adjustable straps are amazing.

You are right about not venturing too far from what suits me, and I think this is where the 'I give up' came from. Nothing was looking anything like it does on other people and I was so frustrated. But trends pass, something current will come along that I do like and can wear. And I've never been sure if its always been a bit of a back-handed compliment, but I am often told I'm lucky I can wear colour like I do.

OP posts:
MadameDD · 21/03/2019 11:22

Great - if you wanted to search for other Whistles dresses like it then type Whistles Vintage into Ebay otherwise listings come up for the newer Whistles listings which are nothing like that stock!

I was thinking this morning and I did think - sometimes a nail or lipstick colour you wouldn't normally wear is an update - well for me anyway. Also was also thinking if you teamed your brights with charcoal, black and cool silver greys (from a colour article, not my wisdom) then you may be able to incorporate more trendy items into your wardrobe.

I have no idea of my colours - but I do like cornflower blue and brighter blues - but I also love reds - probably brighter, clearer reds and opposed to orange reds. Used to think I was a summer but probably a combination, have been highlighting my hair blonde for a few years as am naturally dark blonde/mouse!

You could always try neutral, animal/snake accessories - this bag is actually kind of nice but I'd prefer it in neutral/grey rather than the neon colour.

www.asos.com/new-look/new-look-neon-snake-cross-body-bag/prd/11851259?affid=14173&channelref=product+search&mk=abc&browsecountry=GB&currencyid=1&ppcadref=761030380%7C39786591483%7Caud-455407903566%3Apla-842748760312%26browsecountry%3DGB&_cclid=Google_EAIaIQobChMItdqTnoyT4QIVbZPtCh0mvwIoEAQYAiABEgLsz_D_BwE&gclid=EAIaIQobChMItdqTnoyT4QIVbZPtCh0mvwIoEAQYAiABEgLsz_D_BwE

I also personally like vintage shops for far nicer accessories (in the past few years I've had Bally red leather slingbacks, animal/leopard print vintage 80s - Bally or Russell & Bromley small heels), snake clutch - for me even though I do do leather, vintage leather etc for you may be better as I don't think you like leather?

Also, I tend to find sometimes, not always, vintage shops have nicer designs than high street shops.

My area is SE London and there are some great vintage shops around.

The jeweller listed below is near me and does vintage but also delicate/on trend pieces - she also has celebs buy her stuff but don't be put off by that, she's a very non celeb person! She uses gorgeous brighter colour vintage jewellery to remake into newer pieces and I got some lovely earrings from my mum for Christmas from there but if you like e.g. the angel wing trend, then she does earrings like that etc.

zarataylor.co.uk/

Redorangeyellowgreen · 23/03/2019 07:54

I love this thread.

OP I think I'm a lot like you - I'm a similar age and my wardrobe sounds very similar. Everything I own is tasteful and flattering and I do like clothes and finding the perfect cut/colour/fabric/drape etc, but put together it can look a bit safe.

The comments about just picking a couple of things to update the whole wardrobe really resonated with me and I think that's what I'm going to do. Even if it's just a chunky cardigan in a colour I'd never normally wear or something.

Ruby789 · 23/03/2019 10:35

MadameDD Thank you - I won the dress :) And I bought some new earrings from zarataylor. You've got a very good eye for what suits me. I have a silver version of that neon bag too!

No I don't like leather, but will happily try more vintage shops. I always assumed the sizes on everything would be tiny?

Yes to the small details like nail varnish. And they don't have to suit me. I'm eyeing up a new eyeshaddow palette too just to add variety.

For your colours, the most illuminating was the cream/white, pink/orange test. I think figuring out if your're cool or warm makes the biggest difference (above the actual season), and then all your clothes just work together too as an added bonus. You sound cool toned.

Go for it Redorangeyellowgreen, a chunky cardigan is great place to start. I'm still seeking mine. And an unstructured slouchy bag, because all my bags have a shape.

OP posts:
Alwayscheerful · 26/03/2019 07:39

I went for coffee yesterday, I sat outside by the canal and observed two 60+, possibly 70+ ladies, they were immaculately groomed, one of the ladies looked particularly striking in navy blue, you might think nothing particularly unusual, but her nails were perfectly painted in midnight blue, as you say it's the little things that can make a difference.
At 50 I thought I was too old for navy blue nail polish but what a difference rose gold sunglasses and dark blue polish made.