WTF is going on with jeans this season?

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I’m traumatised. Just come back from jeans shopping. WTF is going on with denim this season? I’m 38. I don’t want the following:

1. Ripped jeans.
2. Jeans with raw freyed hems.
3. Acid wash jeans in pale blue or faded black.
4. Frumpy high waisted jeans that kind of sag on the waist/ stomach.

I tried Oasis (blurch), Top Shop (f’ me, I feel old in there), M&S (don’t get me started on the dreadful layout, lack of sizes in store), John Lewis (too expensive), Cos and Other Stories and some offer shops.

All I want is a dark denim, straight leg jean that suits large hips and thigh (14). I don’t want jeggings or to look like an early 90’s American soccer mom.

next lift slim and shape, they really do

This was me last month, ended up in Morrison's of all places. :)

Gap real straight