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Original poster

Covering DH's first greys, what would you/do you do?

109 replies

doubleristretto · 27/05/2018 19:02

DH has short, mid brown hair which goes a bit reddish in the sun. He's got quite a few greys now on the sides and just found one on the top, the horror! I've tried to nudge him towards one of those root filler type brushes but he's not convinced and wants to dye it. I've been trying to find something semi permanent but with no luck so far. What would you use? I'm veering towards a warm dark blonde but they seem really quite dark from the photos and I think it might be too much? I'm terrified of doing a "Trump" with an unconvincing blondy-orangy shade. Thank you for your help.

OP posts:
LighthouseSouth · 27/05/2018 20:20

I'm giving the same advice as I'd give a woman

Endless hair maintenance is a pain.

Dermymc · 27/05/2018 20:20

He's 42 Shock

Get over yourselves. If he dyes it he'll look 52.

KimKsButt · 27/05/2018 20:22

Watching with interest. My 19 year old ds has quite a few greys. Started a couple of years ago. DH was the same but didnt care and just went with it, very short hair at the sides usually hid it. However DS Is bothered. His hair is mid to dark brown, quite thick. I saw an advert for a just for men shampoo that gradually dies it, has anyones DH tried it? I think dying will be a ballache and this could be compromise?

Loonoon · 27/05/2018 20:28

As people have said, leave it. Silver/salt and pepper hair looks great on a man and 42 is hardly prematurely grey. I met DH when he was 24 and he had a smattering of grey then. IMO dyed hair on a man looks very fake and try hardy.

I know that this is a massive double standard - I hate my greys and keep them well covered but this is 'style and beauty' not 'moral absolutes'

Original poster
doubleristretto · 27/05/2018 20:43

Ok, let's just say that whilst I'm very glad for those of you who feel men ought to embrace their outer grey (whether you feel the same for women or not Hmm) we are not with you in this. Twilight thank you for your homme suggestion, I'll have a look. KimKsButt I feel for your son, that's rotten luck. As far as I've seen these gradual dye shampoos are a bit one-colour-fits-all and probably end up looking a bit artificial. I think a semi-permanent box colour in as near a shade as natural as possible but a bit lighter is the best bet but I'd love to hear from those who have tried. I'm wavering over tone as I know the reddish/ashy element is really important.

OP posts:
Emma198 · 27/05/2018 21:30

I'd suggest going to the hairdresser - often semi permanent doesn't properly cover grey, it does change the colour but it's still notably lighter than the rest of the hair. To ensure it looks natural I don't think you can beat a professional job.

Original poster
doubleristretto · 27/05/2018 21:40

Emma thank you. We're trying to avoid salon prices in the first instance but I'm sure you're right and were (ongoing) costs not an issue I'd be very happy to follow your advice. DH's hair is really very short so any mistakes will be mercifully short lived!

OP posts:
Emma198 · 27/05/2018 21:47

My mum has auburn hair and covers her greys with a semi permanent, it kind of looks like she has highlights as the grey hairs are notably more gingery than the rest. It suits her as she really likes the look, but if it's not what he's going for then he'd probably be unhappy.

Bluntness100 · 27/05/2018 21:48

I also wouldn't do this. As a Pp said, men's hair never dyes well and is always obvious and ageing. It's never a good look. Just like men wearing make up. Obvious and seldom a good look.

It's bizzarely something socially acceptable with women but fairly ridiculed if it's a man.

WingsOnMyBoots · 27/05/2018 21:52

Dyed hair on a man looks, at best. silly, at worst, awful. He'll feel better about himself by knowing that there is nothing unattractive about a grey haired man and plenty unattractive about a man who dyes.

Yes, it is a different rule for men than women in this case. To keep on with the upkeep, mess, time and cost is a real pain. Lots of women are ditching the dye now after dyeing for decades.

Eolian · 27/05/2018 21:58

He’s 42 and only just got a couple of greys? Blimey.

Surely that's not that unusual? I'm 47 and have no visible grey (literally one or two).

Original poster
doubleristretto · 27/05/2018 22:01

I would say that possibly lots of men dye their hair and you only notice those who've done so badly? We all know women who have obviously dyed their hair and probably many, many more who have done so and look absolutely fantastic. I'm not going to bring up examples of bad ageing because I really do try to be better than that (!) but I'm sure we all know what you're talking about. However I'm still looking for help if anyone out there has a suggestion please?

OP posts:
64BooLane · 27/05/2018 22:03

we are not with you in this

Why, though? What is it about him going slightly grey that you’re both so dead against, when he’s 42 years old?

Bluntness100 · 27/05/2018 22:05

I would say that possibly lots of men dye their hair and you only notice those who've done so badly?

Well no, that's illogical, Because you can see their greys so know it's not dyed. You know rhe blokes who do it, because their grey suddenly disappears and they look like their hair is dyed.

Always op. Always. Honestly folk will be looking at him thinking "oh he's dyed his hair".

64BooLane · 27/05/2018 22:05

As for suggestion - I’d say the only chance of this looking decent is to go to a good salon. Not necessarily a posh £££ one but one with someone who knows their stuff. Ask around locally.

Original poster
doubleristretto · 27/05/2018 22:06

People cover early greys, this is a thing with which I assume you are familiar? Why is it an issue when it is a man whereas it is not for women? I'm not sure that it is me who has the problem here!

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 27/05/2018 22:09

Why is it an issue when it is a man whereas it is not for women

As said, i don't think any of us can explain why it's socially acceptable for women to dye their hair and wear make up and deemed ridiculous when a man does, but that's the society we live in.

As said, there is no way for this to be done and people not to notice he's dyed his hair, not just because his greys suddenly disappear, or that he's at an age where people will wonder why he doesn't have any, but quite simply men's hair never takes dye well, I think it's something to do with the structure, and it always looks shite.

ShatnersBassoon · 27/05/2018 22:09

Let him make his own arrangements if he wants to. I'd be mightily pissed off if my husband was checking through my hair for grey ones and implementing a programme of improvements with help from internet people Confused

Dermymc · 27/05/2018 22:11

Generally men have shorter hair, therefore dye is more obvious.

It's the same with short haired women, roots appear vv quickly and the dye job is obvious. The difference is that hair dying is socially acceptable on women.

GurlwiththeCurl · 27/05/2018 22:19

DH went grey in his late teens and was totally grey when I met him, in his early 30s. I have never seen him any other way. He had a gorgeous full head of hair with a lovely cut.

I fancied him like mad!

Still do and he is now in his 60s with a full head of white hair! I have finally got rid of the dye and gone grey at 62. To be honest, dyed hair, even professionally done, is so easy to spot, particularly on men.

Bluntness100 · 27/05/2018 22:23

I think it is because on men it goes all one block colour, so looks fake.

Can you honestly look at these pics of Tom Jones and think he looks better with it dyed?

The bright side of it being socially unacceptable for men to dye their hair is that they are perceived as much more attractive with grey hair. Women struggle to get the same accolades for their greys as men do.

Covering DH's first greys, what would you/do you do?
RavenLG · 27/05/2018 22:28

DP has said when he goes grey he's going to dye it. But he has shoulder length hair and will be going the more pink/purple/blue/green/yellow route.

My advice would be leave it natural as most men look better when they age naturally, but if you're so set on dying it, it seems like a tricky colour so salon would be best. At least then you can see how they apply etc, the find a box colour similar and go from there at home.

Original poster
doubleristretto · 27/05/2018 22:40

Honestly it's a good job I have a sense of humour! I'm not forcing the poor chap into anything, he asked, I have my own ideas but thought I'd check with Mumsnet the font of all knowledge! All I'm really getting here is that we still live in a deeply sexist society although thank you for the note about short hair and roots, that's the most helpful comment so far. Clearly he's not going to do a full on Tom Jones, he's got a few hairs that are just about noticeable if you really look.

OP posts:
Emma198 · 27/05/2018 22:52

Grin Tom Jones is an extreme example!!

Pleasebeafleabite · 27/05/2018 22:52

Honestly OP you are getting truthful replies here, sexist or not

I know a man who used to colour his hair with a semi permanent and I’m afraid it was really obvious and the first thing we would look for when he visited our office ie was it freshly done or fading each time

If you are feeling patient and there are just a few hairs I’d be tempted to hold back time for a year or two by plucking them out

For the poster whose ds is going prematurely grey there is more hope of carrying it off as an interesting hair dye experiment certainly during his twenties

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