Doctor, thank you so much, what a lovely message, I'm having a little happy snuffle now :). I decided I could go one of two ways with the hair loss the very first time I lost my hair, when I was 20. I could hide behind the god awful prescription wig I got, collected in a brown bag from the basement of our local hospital, from a department charmingly called 'medical appliances' (it was a long time ago, so you can tell it made an impact on me!), or I could rock the bald with a bit of defiance. I follow a lot of hair loss groups on FB, and I am so glad I chose the latter, because I see women absolutely torturing themselves to find cause or cure, when there really is very little hope of a good, permanent recovery. I'm always grateful that my very first dermatologist gave it to me pretty straight, because although it felt brutal at the time, it made me own it.
In fact, I had surprisingly good regrowth the first time. Not perfect by any means, but passable. When it happened the second time, the regrowth was poorer again, and the quality of individual hairs wasn't great - but having said that, it limped along for nearly 20 years. This time, I can see that even a 'good' recovery will not produce viable hair, and I really don't have the neck and jaw line of a 20 year old any more, so bald isn't a great option. Shaving it all off did feel huge, as I realised I was probably saying goodbye to my own hair for good, but wigs are SO much better nowadays, and I get them VAT free, and I know I'm fortunate to be able to have a few, because they don't last forever.
I'm not Polyanna, I have shed a fair amount of tears over the years over this, but I'm well, I'm not losing my hair because I'm sick. My immune system just doesn't care for my hair follicles - and fortunately is still friends with my eyebrows and lashes, which does make a big difference. What IS disconcerting though is that I put a wig on, and lose 20 years in an instant. It really is weird. And my husband keeps losing me in shops as he doesn't recognise me at a distance any more. I did decide that the difference in me was so big with hair, that no one I knew would be fooled, so I would just be completely out from day one - which gives me the freedom to change colours, lengths and styles all the time. I was always afraid to do anything much with my own hair in case I damaged it, so I've got more freedom than I ever had.