Appearance

[crazykitten20]

Have you/do you worry about the way you look?

Your face/figure?

If you have, but don't now, how did you get over the worry?

I'm learning to not be concerned about others' opinions. It's a toughie , though 😳

I do. I don't think I'm great looking. Always see my flaws. I do come from a rather critical family, which I don't think helps.

However, I've learned to just accept how I look generally. It's not going to change unless I get extensive surgery. I have no plans to do that.

Do you care about what everyone thinks or just certain people?

I think just certain people. And as I'm getting older those people are dwindling. Which I see as positive! I come from a very critical family ( criticism was perceived as being helpful - so used for kind reasons) too.

I do not worry about the way I look but certainly think about it a lot.

I was bullied in secondary school and teased about my appearance. I looked awkward, did not have the latest fashion and did not know how to "improve" my appearance.

I make an effort every day, even when dressing down. I plan my outfits the night before as I like to look "together". I do not look typically high maintenance - false lashes, shellac nails, designer bags, expensive jewellery, but make an effort in my own way.

I think if you've grown up feeling like Plain Jane, which I did, it's really hard work to shed the self image. Especially if people close to you don't compliment very often or notice if you've made an effort, got a new hairstyle, tried a new outfit etc. I agree with Open. Making an effort really helps and finding out what looks good, and doing it every day. I can now afford better products and clothing, which helps but it needn't be overly expensive or flashy.

Nobody ever compliments me and if they do it's always done in a "oh you look nice" surprised kind of way as if it's an exception. I think I look fine, pretty boring and classic maybe but never get a compliment on anything so I'm pretty conscious in a bad way how I look the whole time

Yes

I was bullied for my appearance my whole childhood... I was tiny and skinny, wore thick glasses from the age of 3 (for years I was the only kidding in my school that wore glasses), then I had to have braces that were on for years (age 12 - 17), then I got bad acne in puberty. I was small busted so was picked on for being "flat chested". We were also poor and I never had the trendy clothes everyone else wore. I was a bully's dream.

That constant attack on my physical appearance has stuck with me my whole life. I always feel ugly and disgusting. I spend a lot of time every day on hair, makeup and choosing an outfit to try and disguise my ugliness. But I then worry I've chosen the wrong outfit, applied my makeup all wrong, my hair won't stay put etc.

However I will do my best to look acceptable but still fairly plain so as not to be noticeable, as I like to blend in and not be seen. I hate being centre of attention as my crippling self-consciousness grips me. I'm constantly wondering if that person is, in their own head, thinking how gross I am while they're looking at me... focusing on those little spots I have, or my imperfect teeth (and a million other other flaws I have!)

I reeeeally wish I didn't give a shit. I have to take antidepressants to deal with the constant anxiety it causes me.

i always feel that i look really scuffy most of the time (deep down)
i have a lot of birth marks and port wine stain on my arm (people asking me about it just stop it!!!)
we all have a bumpy nose in our family and it really bothers me
wish could keep up with my roots
having my colours really helped coz i was buying wrong colours that didnt suit
suppose its all about being confident which i lack
xx

upside for you xx

crazy I think the confidence comes with age. As a teenager (Iam middling okay looking I suppose ) I worried about my appearance, but realised that we ALL did! I certainly wear what suits me and is comfortable now, I don't follow fashions slavishly.

I did notice in my 40s that I stopped blending in with the crowd after I had laser surgery on one eye for short sight, so I didn't wear glasses any more. Grew my hair (mid length) and went lighter hair coloured.

@TheUpsideDown

That's tough. Really tough. I was bullied at school too and I often wonder what I'd say to those people if I saw them now. Do you ever imagine that? I wonder why they did it - why me, you know?

If I knew how to message from my phone on MN I'd send you a pm xxx

@thegirlthatcant

Isn't it weird how we ( me too) always concentrate on our negatives? We all have lots of positives but we avoid thinking about those - well I do! I'm getting better at thinking about my positives but I'd have thought at my age that I'd have gotten it cracked by now 😊

@Openup41

One of the things I'm bad at is putting outfits together. Finishing them off , you know? I'm fine at work because it's pretty straightforward but out of work I know I could do better!

@Rosenspants

Yesterday my daughter told me that my hair looked lovely. It was filthy and a mess. I'm learning to say thank you to compliments even when I disagree with them, but I must admit that my first reaction is to say ' oh no, I don't look nice' 😊

@fivefour3twoone

If no one ever compliments you, do you try to compliment yourself? I haven't done this , my head tends to spiel negative stuff at me. So I'm trying to learn to say positive words to me.

At work if my boss doesn't say well done for a piece of work - I say it to myself, quietly !!!

@ppeatfruit

I think age helps, I agree. I can definitely rationalise things better now. I quite like wearing specs because it means I don't need to wear eye make - my eyesight isn't as good as it was and my eyelashes are thinner now !! See - always a positive 😊👍

crazykitten to our DC we are beautiful. It's the sweetest compliment of all and you're right, we should take note, believe and enjoy it.

Thank you @Rosenspants.

My DC is 19 and quite able to tell me when she thinks I look not so good too. 😂😉 Truth be told I appreciate her honesty as it's always given with love 💕

Middle age cured me

I don't dislike the way I look, I never have, but I really give far less of a fuck now what other people think of my looks.

I have curly hair, have straightened it for many years and have chopped it short and allow it to go crazy since last year - I love it, DH does not, and that is ok.

I think the trick is to love yourself, really grant yourself loving acceptance, warts and all.
There's plenty of bits about me that I do not like, but I get on alright overall with myself.

Have given zero stuffs for about the last fifteen years, you grow into a non pretty face. We who weren't the pretty ones at school have the last laugh as we look better now.

Also brought up that it didn't matter.

Although the invention of effective had straightening has made a big difference!

I HATE the way I look, I have done since I can remember. I suffer with anorexia and I was bullied for being ugly throughout school.

I still hate the way I look now infact I'm even more conscious because my friends and family are what can only be described as stunning.

I'm going to buy that The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving A F*ck I don't normally buy books like this but hopefully it will help me switch off!

special you are right. The really the so-thought stunning ones at school haven't aged well. People from those days are often telling me I haven't changed a bit (I'm 56 now). Of course this might meant that I looked 56 when I was a teen, but I am teaching myself to see it as a positive. I have also found certain things I now like about myself...I haven't gone grey yet, and there are so many lovely products to minimise the crepe!
crazy your DD sound lovely. Mine is 17 and often just comes up to me and says "pretty Mummy"

I don't think it is acceptable to attack other women just because when they were younger society judged them on their looks and found them attractive, and now they have aged. We all age.
When I was younger I was considered attractive by some.
Now, I look in the mirror and think I look ok. My boyfriend thinks I'm beautiful, as do my lovely friends.
I don't give a fuck what anyone else thinks. The only thing I worry about regarding my appearance is whether my clothes are appropriate for the environment I'm in - I have a habit of overdressing

I HATE the way I look, I have done since I can remember.

I bet you are perfectly nice looking and judge yourself far more harshly than anybody else

I like by body because it does (mostly) what I ask it to do (if I look after it with good food and activity it performs even better...), it mainly feels ok to be in my skin and when it is ill/hurt it heals. It is quite amazing.

And considering that humans only, oh I dunno, a few hundred years ago only lived to their mid-40s or so, I am very happy to have reached the age I am and still feel alive, alive-o!

I am more confident when I am dressed for the occasion and in something that I like.

Thank you pacific but I've actually been called 'the ugliest girl I've ever seen' and it was said to my ex numerous times that I'm ugly.

At least I don't make these vile comments about people though.

Aw, Dipping
What vile twats people can be.

I have yet to meet a truly 'ugly' person - by looks alone, I mean.
Disfigured, whether by disease or scars - yes.
Faces that don't have fashionable symmetry or features - yes.
Faces devoid of make-up (me!), red, sweaty and blotchy (me!) - yes.

I think happiness and confidence radiates off people, whatever they look like.
Hard to do with you live with undermining verbal abuse.
Hope you have better people in your life now.
(I bet he lied that other people told him you were ugly numerous times - bollocks!)