Appearance

[crazykitten20]

Have you/do you worry about the way you look?

Your face/figure?

If you have, but don't now, how did you get over the worry?

I'm learning to not be concerned about others' opinions. It's a toughie , though 😳

Thomasina that relative is a twat. Children overhearing positive things about themselves helps enormously.

nigels glad you got an apology. I've met bully girls since, a group of whom fawned over me saying how great I looked (now!) and asking if I wanted to have a drink with them. I said no thanks I'm with my friends. I'm the same person now as I was then!! Shallow eejits.

I remember as a teenager, feeling shy and boring. I figured that if I dressed flamboyantly ( was the early 80s so you could do that then), people wouldn't be able to see how I felt inside. Still like to make a statement with my appearance even now!

It took a very stressful time in my life to change how I felt about myself.
It took a certain amount of "fake it til you make it" but it has for the most part worked.

I agree that sometimes we have to take a deep breath and fake confidence 😊

This is such a heartwarming thread, in many ways.

BornInALighthouse I think it can often take a real life wake up call to make a person take stock and realise that trivial stuff (and it IS trivial) doesn't really matter. I have a step daughter who snickers at what people wear/how they look/how they speak and she makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up but then, she's in her early 20's and is very much of the instagram/selfie brigade. Sadly, she has not one ounce of kindness in her. She will learn, I expect. She is a pretty girl but it's lost (for me) by her "self".

And bullies. I have a quite famous, well beloved celebrity bully. Every time I see her, if I don't switch off first, I just see the 11 yr old me and the 15 yr old me; the smirk on her face as she realised that I genuinely was terrified of her. I'd imagine she wouldn't even remember me. I remember her locking me in cupboards overnight (boarding school) and telling me to crawl back to Coronation Street (I was a Northerner in a sea of posh girls). Within a short space of time, I quickly changed my accent and learned to avoid her. But, I couldn't do anything about my looks.

Sorry...11 yr old me and 15 yr old HER

Yes I was bullied too, I don't know anyone who wasn't. Does it come from the insecurity of youth? I don't know. But some teachers do it too and they're not young so maybe it comes from our general unease with ourselves and wanting to feel 'better' than others.

One of the good things about getting older as a woman is you become invisible. Some women don't want this, but I'm welcoming it. Just not having to try for anyone but yourself because no one is actually looking. It's a weight off.

God - the pain bullies put us through 😡😡😡😡

My boss loves to smirk as she tells me to do something she knows I don't have time to do. I digress -- but it's extraordinary how some people love to hurt others - and watch that pain !!

I think much of it comes from jealousy. I used to work with a woman who was such a bitch with me. One evening, when she'd had a few drinks she had a go at me and was saying "it's alright for YOU, little Miss Perfect-can't put a foot wrong". She clearly thought I led a charmed life! Very wrong, she was!

Foxy I'm 55 and very much invisible now. But then, I wouldn't like to be young now. SO much pressure and all that bloody contour/false lash/pouty stuff. Looking back, I used to wear a lick of mascara and if I was really pushing the boat out, lippie! I think it must be a massive shock for men now, when all the "stuff" comes off at the end of the evening!

Nobody really cares now, only DH!

I agree Suki and so damaging to self-esteem.

Like so many I was bullied by my family as a child (I still won't wear shirts due to my 'tree-trunk' legs, thanks sis) and I'm 47 now.

But now strangers on social media can get stuck in as well, it's truly terrifying.

I've always been told I'm beautiful and it has given me confidence, the confidence to not give a fuck and only care what I think of myself. If I had been told the opposite I think appearance would be a huge deal to me.

BornInALighthouse

"fake it til you make it" - same here!

Suki bullies make me so angry. They all need to meet the one who will stand up to them (punch them out...). Taste of own medicine...

@BillBrysonsBeard

My daughter IS beautiful and ive made sure i always tell her that she is. No criticism of her , such as I had, and yet she's very anxious about her appearance. Life can be strange!

BillBryson I tell DD (nearly 2) she is beautiful all the time. Glad to know it helps!

I'm really loving this thread. It proves to me that I'm not alone and other people are insecure about their appearance too. I think it's easy to forget that! And whilst I don't actively WANT anyone to be insecure, knowing that other people are, and hearing their stories, gives me strength. 👌😊😎

I knew there was another bit to my mantra and I've just remembered it: true beauty comes from within. Why would you care about what a person looks like if they are just a really nice person? I agree about jealousy though. In my previous job a woman one level above me used her tiny amount of authority to make my time at work a misery: making sure I missed events she knew I'd enjoy by sending me on errands, hauling me over the coals for every tiny mistake, pulling me in for appraisals when my shift had ended & she knew I had to pick up disabled DS - of course the appraisals were never good, even though the ones done by my manager were. With hindsight I think she was jealous. All that running around at her behest kept me a lot slimmer than her!

cheapskate I said that to our eldest dd who was , and still is, like some other posters' dds really pretty. I tried hard not to over praise or under praise my children's appearances but she used to go by appearances so we watched a TV prog about a dolls' house which had a plain peg doll (who was lovely inside) and a very gorgeous wax doll who was not at all nice inside.
I don't know if it worked but she is insecure about her appearance now due to being a chubby teenager. Or maybe because we all are? !

I hate the way I look, I have never felt comfortable with my appearance, there aren't many photos of me as I am the most unphotogenic person on the planet, I look completely minging.

I did get bullied at school because of my face, it's very, very round & flat. At home my when me & my sister fell out she'd call me ugly & a dog.

I always felt & still do inferior around her (although she's not a nice person but yes she's better looking & people always comment on her) and my sil, she's lovely and extremely pretty, exceptionally photogenic, I feel like I want the ground to swallow me up when I'm in her company, I feel I should hide my face! Her make up is always done impeccably.

Yes, I've spent my life wishing I could look like someone else, wondering what it's like to be like, say for example my sil, to know you're pretty/good looking, to have that confidence. My insecurity has made me anti- social I know that but I'm not ignorant. I don't let it get in the way of life & I try not to let it show in front of my kids, I don't want them picking up on it, I tell them they're beautiful all the time, something my parents never told me.

you'vegotta I reckon that a lot of people are never happy with what they've got. My sis. has a beautiful (photogenic) face but hates her dark hair, she still does and she was n't bullied about her looks. She's always wanted to be blonde.

Not as bothered as I should be! I have a real 'mum' tum though never had children. I am overweight and apple shaped so all my own fault. Can't blame anyone else (damn!)

I do wish my eyesight was better and did not have constantly weeping eyes though as I enjoy make up but find it hard to do eyeliner (make up glasses are rubbish). I do try hard to dress nicely and make up well. I no longer bother what anyone thinks though. I remember one woman on a boat saying (more or less nice face shame about the weight. I was too ladylike to point out her too close together eyes and a huge nose. It's a wonder I didn't though as I was rather well 'oiled'!

You've got to be kidding - why not ask your SIL to help you with make up or go to a counter?

There's sound advice in an adage from (I believe) the US Southern states: Pretty if you can, pleasant if it kills you!