Appearance

[crazykitten20]

Have you/do you worry about the way you look?

Your face/figure?

If you have, but don't now, how did you get over the worry?

I'm learning to not be concerned about others' opinions. It's a toughie , though 😳

I've found that learning new skills has really helped me. I have a wonky face, tiny eyes and am overweight. But I can run a half marathon, climb a cliff face and cycle 200 miles. I may not be beautiful but I'm strong and healthy (and with the right clothes and some makeup I don't scare small children)

I don't care about my looks, and I agree that it has come with age. I've stopped caring in general what other people think. You can't please everyone, so I've long since stopped trying.

I think it also helps that my looks are not really part of my self identity or my values. I don't wear make up or expensive clothes, so if I had a spare £30, I'd rather spend it on something I'm interested in - books rather than something I'm not (make up, clothes). Don't get me wrong, I make myself presentable - I have regular hair cuts, get my eyebrows waxed and wear decent clothes, but I buy what I need and what suits rather than worrying about the latest fashion or having a gazillion pairs of shoes.

What amazing posts! Thank you all so much for sharing. It helps, don't you think, to know that many of us feel/felt the same/similarly?

There is nothing like kindness and compassion and understanding imo -- as my hero the Dalai Lama says ' be kind whenever possible, it is always possible '

I get the feeling that all the above ^^ are kind people 💜💕

Crazykitten, a (female) gay friend once said to me that the women she finds most attractive have a certain chemistry that goes way beyond looks. She listed confidence, a great sense of humour, intelligence and groundedness as her top turn-ons. She did not mention a straight nose, long hair, full lips or high cheekbones. (She, by the way, is gorgeous and could probably have anyone!). I was having a really down day about my appearance when she told me this; it was over ten years ago and I'd just given birth, and I'll never forget her words!

It came with age and children for me. I think I've always felt ok about my looks though. I think I've got an ok face but crap hair and am currently lying in a bikini on holiday, size 18/20 and couldn't give a stuff. I look in the mirror first thing in the morning, make myself presentable, then don't look again! The kids don't give me time to be poncing about with hair and make up for too long. It's just not important to me. I know I'm overweight but just don't care. I wear clothes that suit me and think I look nice. I know I need to lose weight as I'm 47 now and going to hit health problems if I don't sort myself out but that's the only reason I'd do it. As im really healthy, never ill it's hard to get motivated but who knows what's lurking underneath!

I hate the way I look. I can cope from the neck down (though now, at 49, I am overweight and need to address that, it's a fairly new thing for me).

But from the neck up - awful.

I was also bullied, same re glasses (still do), brace, white knee high socks and lace up shoes to age 18...... Parents always said I was ugly, evil, etc.

I loathe photos of myself. I can't find a thing about my face that is OK, though really there is no single thing wrong with it, just all together I look like a troll. A frumpy, fat, middle-aged troll. How did that happen?

When I recently showed my sister a photo of me in which I thought I looked particularly fat and ugly, instead of saying 'you look lovely' (or even 'fine), she said 'well, that's just not a very good photo'....hmmmm.

@TealStar

I'd very very much agree with your friend. It is so true that looks change 😉😊

@Justgivemesomepeace

That is a fabulous attitude. I worry about my post hysterectomy tummy. I shouldn't. But I do!

Parents always said I was ugly, evil, etc.

Wow 😢

@OutToGetYou

That is one cruel statement. Much love 💕💕

I try to be less concerned as I age. I was a plain child, awkward teen, and told by my own mother that I was not pretty. Now, at 55, I do try to make the best of myself and think I grew into myself, as it were, in my 30's. Whenever I put a pic up in here I get compliments as I seem to have grown into my features.

I am ashamed of my body. It is old, wobbly and I need to lose a stone. I had shorts on today, feeling very self conscious but heck! I wore 'em anyway!

@SukiTheDog - well done. 💕

My legs are very white so I don't often wear shorts!

Crazykitten20 - I also come from a very critical family. They seem to like me to look a certain way, which isn't how I am naturally. It used to make me think I should be that way, when I was younger. I'm late thirties now and l'm over what think. Not sure why I ever cared. I find their critical attitudes very negative. They are always judging people on how they look, but they never look at their own behaviour.

The way I see it, if someone is that critical, then they must have their own issues. Try and think of it that way and be the way you want to be.

That's great @Banananana !

@docmc - I agree with you. I think criticism can often come from lack of self esteem 😳

I have a mantra about beauty: it is only skin deep and in the eye of the beholder. It is given by God for use on this earth. I realise that the last bit is controversial if you don't believe in God, but I do, so it works for me. It was the Freedom in Christ Course that led me to not care in the slightest about what others thought of my looks This in turn led me to not care. Previously, when I received a compliment, I never believed it. Now I simply smile, offer thanks and think of one to give in reply. Tealstar 's friend has it right!

Yes I hate my appearance 😢

Still can't shift the acne after 10+ years of doctors treatment, diets and over he counter remedies.

Also so fat at the moment!

TheUpsideDown big hugs! I had huge triangular curly hair (think flat on top, big at the bottom), glasses that went up over my eyebrows (DM wouldn't let me choose my own...), fixed braces aged 12-14.5, skinny and flat chested and bullied throughout high school for the same. Kids are arseholes The most important thing is accepting yourself. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. And you won't be able to appreciate if their opinion is positive if yours is still negative. I did loads of things to change me: had laser eye surgery, straightened the hell out of my hair etc. Now I'm LP to a toddler I have curly hair again (no time and CBA to straighten!) and I was one of those lucky women whose eyesight worsens in pregnancy so I've got glasses again. But I don't care any more. I accept me. Your opinion counts, nobody else's x

special so true! All the 'fit' girls from my school are haggard now it's better to peak later...

Dipping people are cruel

I'm 45 and a bit fat, I do like to look nice but I don't really care what anybody else thinks
Helps that I have a leggy blonde teenage DD so I'm pretty sure nobody even notices me anymore!!

OutToGetYou your parents saying things like that to you were abusive. It's emotional abuse. How a parent can tell their child they're 'evil' is beyond me. Big hugs x

I've been thinking about this thread.

I don't think it's about 'not caring' how I look - I do care, and I take care with my appearance, I just care less what others might think. Again, I don't not care, but I care less.

I am me, with good features, middling ones that I don't mind, and, well, less fortunate bits

I agree with a PP who said it may be related to even when I was growing up that my looks were never a particular priority, I was praised for other achievements, school, sports, music, friends were important, fashion, make-up, trends much less so (to the point that I am quite useless at makeup: a bit of eye liner and mascara is the height of going-out make-up for me...).

I agree, parents putting their children down by being nasty about any aspect of how they look are being abusive. Any of you who are finding their own brand of confidence and happiness with their looks after abuse are resilient, strong survivors

I had a relative say of me, age 7 or so, "It's a good job she's clever".

I had no confidence in my looks for a long time, and the insecurity is still there if you scratch the surface a bit - but fundamentally, where I've got to in middle age is that it is a good job I'm clever, because I get my identity and my income from that, and I'm respected for it in a way I wouldn't have been for youthful good looks.

So I was plain as a teenager, and I'm still plain as an adult, but I've made my peace with it because my looks are the least important thing about me: I'm great at my job and I'm a good enough mother, wife and friend.

Isn't it amazing how our past affects our now?

I really dislike the way I look, especially as im getting older.I was bullied in school too and it's stuck with me in terms of my self esteem and confidence.Weirdly I am beginning to care less though.I still don't like the way I look, but I care less that I don't like it iyswim-I guess I accept it more at 37 than I did at 27. I hope that's just down to growing up rather than giving up!
I did meet one of the girls that bullied me at school once, at a wedding.She apologised to me and said she didn't even know why she had been such a bitch. So much pain caused for no real reason .But it was good of her to come and say sorry.