Done a million times but grey or no

[PhyllisWig]

I am early 40s, fair with light brown/mousy hair which is warm toned.

I've been growing out the grey on and off for a couple of years. There is no chemical colour left but I did henna it last year.

There is still some henna colour but the top few inches is wholly natural and is about 40% grey. I have a couple of really striking white/grey streaks but mostly it's just salt and pepper.

The thing is, whist the white bits are lovely, the rest of it is meh. My natural hair colour has always been a bit bland anyway and I just think it looks scruffy. I am a natural scruff at the best of times even when I make a huge effort. Also my hair feels coarse (it's fine but plentiful. Straight with a few curls and kinks).

But but but, I love not dying it. I can't afford highlights or any other regular colour at the hairdressers and I feel kinda proud that I've got this far.

DH says that when I am having a good day it looks stunning but when I'm tired/unwell/stressed, it drags me down. My friends think I'm mad as does my mother who is still going strong with the blond highlights at 70.

I am really torn. What I want is something to blend in the grey with a bit of warmth and easy upkeep. The impossible.

Wwyd if you were me?

Place marking! I have dark hair, which I've coloured for about the last 15 years to cover my grey roots. Have had it cut fairly short now and am dithering over whether to just leave it to grow out or not. Roots are white and I don't honestly know whether it would grow out all that colour, salt n pepper, grey bits, or what. Roots are coming through at the moment and I have bought a temporary mid brown colour today, rather than my usual permanent, with the vague idea that if I spent the next few months just doing the roots with temporary stuff that they would grow out without being seen (if that makes sense) and if I could then just cut the ends of and emerge as entirely white and glamorous.

Sorry! Rambling a bit. I'll be interested to see what anyone suggests. I have no helpful suggestions Phyllis. I too think I might like to stop dyeing mine, and it might look stunning, but I'm worried about looking ancient and granny like. (50s).

Early 40s with 40% grey sounds too young to embrace the grey, especially if you have a young face. Im 53 and about 50% grey, i use a semi perm colour every two months as well as a roots colour spray in between. My grey simply doesnt suit me and can be a harsh look to pull off. I dont find the upkeep hard work and hairdressers praise my at home results.

I think if my natural hair colour was stronger it may look better but there is no contrast (am a hoc spring so am all about the contrast!).

I am waivering I really am. Maybe those Daniel field water colours are worth a punt...

Phyllis would you consider blonde highlights? Could look good. I do my own highlights on top of my two month colour in the summer, concentrating it around my face and top, its very flattering and cheap for me to do.

Queenoftheblues - with all due respect, what??!
'Early 40s too young to embrace the grey'? Sorry, have I missed the memo that tells us the exact age that it is socially acceptable to be grey?

I am 40 and I started going grey at 15. Finally got off the expensive/time wasting/ huge faff that is the treadmill of dying ones hair at 37. Thank god I did. Twenty two years of covering it up and now - freedom 😁 (and fabulous white streaks )

This is the problem - for a lot of people, going grey happens fairly early in life. Grey hair does not, and should not, equate advanced age. If no one ever dyed their hair, I think we'd all be surprised at how grey lots of women are by 40. So - people deciding that a certain age is too young is...codswallop 😁 If you want to dye it and cover it up, then more power to you. But, please don't continue with this 'too young' shizzle. There is NO set age and shouldn't be any judgement involved towards not dying it, either.

OP, there are some really great supportive groups on Facebook if you decide to go for it, Going Gorgeously Grey is one of them. Loads of women on there of ALL ages, looking amazing and proving that it is possible to go grey and not give a shiny shit what society has traditionally dictated that women 'should' do.

Apologies for the rant, but I feel VERY strongly about this 'grey=old' crap. It's very outdated and pretty sexist, too.

Good luck with your decision, OP - whatever you decide to do 😊

I'm 44 and am almost 7 months dye free. My hair is dark and my parting needed doing every 3 or 4 weeks. It's been hard but after 20 years of colouring my hair, paying £££ at salons or doing it myself, I was just bored with it all. I've joined one of the fb groups and there's a whole range of women who have or are letting their grey hair show, lots of them look fantastic, all different ages and quite a few look younger with grey hair than they did before!

And well said Admiral!

Admiral i made the point that op is only 40% grey therefore growing it out naturally could look ungroomed/unflattering. In addition i said grey hair on a young face (some 42 year olds look 32) doesnt always work.
Its not necessarily a feminist issue or an ageist one - that arguement could be thrown at many of the threads on here.

I'm 33. Never dyed my hair and now need to make a decision- whether to start hiding the greys.

While I think I would look smarter and better presented with these greys dyed, I also think why the fuck should I change my appearance because society doesn't like grey hair.

I am starting to think of my grey hairs in the same kind of way as I think of my stretch marks. They are part of me, of my body growing in age and experience. Nothing to be ashamed of and not something to hide.

I have lots of grey and early 40's. I don't care what anyone thinks because I can't be bothered with dying it and I actually like getting older so might as well look my age

OP - I am just a few years older than you and stopped dyeing 2 years ago. I wish I had more grey - I have white streaks around temples, but back is still very dark. My hair is longish still and I think looks fine, the temple streaks are just natural highlights. I stopped dyeing as I was scared of reactions to hair dye, and also fed up of the time taken to do so. I say go for it, grow it all out and then decide. You may like it. I am never going to dye again , too much faff.

Thanks everyone. I have no issue with the age thing - I am 42, I look 42. My issue is that grey doesn't suit me and my hair texture doesn't help this. If it was all like the dramatic white streak I have I'd love it but it's not yet and it washes me out and looks scruffy (which is probably down to the growing out henna tbh).

I wish I suited short hair but I don't - its chin length which is as short as I go. I think I'll power through and see what it looks like after my next cut.

Try Schwartzkopf bonacure excellium for aged and fragile hair, it's really good for aging hair.

Well looked after hair shines and just looks healthier.

I stopped using dye a year ago, went onto henna for a while and stopped using henna 6 months ago.

I have no colour in my hair now, my grey is evenly distributed , bit more at the front.
I have it short but I'm planning to grow a bit longer and let it grey.

I got to the stage I was re-dyeing every 3 weeks which gets to be a faff, having it cut every 5 weeks.

It's a shock to my system to see my real hair colour now

I'm 46 and stripped out old colour and went grey last year. I had a nice grey streaks around the front, but the rest was a dull salt and pepper. I was determined never to colour it again and being an ex hairdresser I'm quite fussy about my hair.
However I started to hate the grey I thought I looked older and washed out. So I've gone down the semi permanent colour route.
When I get it cut again next week I'm stripping it again and going blonde. Much easier to manage the grey.

demon does that mean my vague idea of using a semi permanent colour (Casting by L'Oreal, if that makes a difference!) is ok? If I top up roots with this for the next 6 -12 months can I just leave it then and it will gradually fade/wash out and leave me grey? Or will I still be having to grow the semi stuff out?

I think using a bright lipstick can help if you feel like you look washed out. If you wear makeup it may be worth rethinking what you use.

Bless Casting doesn't wash out, it contains hydrogen peroxide, so you need to grow it out.

I'm 43 and have been told I look any age between 26 - 35 (I personally think I look my age, I definitely feel it). Anyway my natural hair colour used to be jet black, but its more a natural black and I'm grey all around my hairline on the nape of my neck and in the centre. I stopped dyeing my hair because of the FAFF about 12months ago, inspired by a blogger who embraces her grey hair. I noticed that my grey is less prominent if I wash and deep condition my hair in a regular basis. I also feel happier about the greys creeping through if I keep my hair trimmed and well styled.

I'm 52 and for me it's a def no. I have my roots done every 4 weeks and it's my fav day of the month...like today. It's a difficult one. My natural blonde friends have found it easier in that they just have a few blonde bits put through the grey. I was darker brown and have now gone more to honey blonde à la Jennifer Aniston.I pay about £50 just for roots but think it's money well spent. I only get a cut about every 2-3 months. I think it's the not knowing what it would look like that scares me. I also don't suit short hair and have a shoulder length bob.

Bless I put Casting on my grey hair and it faded pretty quickly. It will fade and wash out eventually. However if your applying it over permanent hair colour then it will grow out as you've got a lot of colour build up.

Another vote for going grey. If folks want to dye that's fine but we need to get away from the idea that grey hair is unkempt or not 'smart'.

I used to use Casting on my dark brown hair to cover grey and haven't used permanent colour for at least five years. I have not dyed since January 2016, but definitely having to grow out the colour.
I used to use a lighter brown than my natural colour and it definitely lightened my hair, so I have been growing out the brorange colour.
I think all demi-permanents (20 washes), rather than semi-permanent (8 washes), contain hydrogen peroxide which penetrates the hairs rather than just coating them.

L'Oréal Preferance is the best home dye I've found. I would just highlight it yourself. 40s are way too young to go grey.

These grey threads always have me seriously considering stopping dying!
Do you ever use straighteners OP? My hair is naturally quite coarse & wiry but running straighteners through makes it much smoother & shinier - and I'm instantly less scruffy looking. Wonder would it be the same for the coarseness of the greys?