The Crepertoire - put on your peignoir and get into the boudoir

[MrsSchadenfreude]

And out of the armoire.

Crossing digits for you Cloud. And I'm sure you will both love the Hockney - he was a big favourite of mine in the 80's and I was particularly cheered to see the real swimming pool painting that I'd had a poster of as a student!

BD, glad you are relaxing and have a Greek holiday to look forward to

Rudy, I am with you on the purpose of life. I want to enjoy the journey, - I have never been bothered about achieving personal greatness

Hello everyone - back to the daily grind after a lovely long weekend away but agree with others about the uplifting effect of sunshine.

Re The Meaning of Life - there is a Utube clip of Ashton Kutchner receiving the Teen Choice award some years ago and I think his acceptance speech is pretty much the perfect roadmap for his teenage audience. It sums up as Be smart, be thoughtful and be generous but he explains it much better.

Hope the interview goes well Cloud.

Vibing, Cloud.

I think I probably need to accept also that I'm having a bad patch at the moment. My father wants to do an in memoriam notice for my mother on the anniversary of her death. Instead of being overwhelmed by grief I am corroding with resentment at how I spent last spring - and yes, with senior literary etc figures going past to pay homage while I pecked out piecemeal tat about babies on the laptop. It's hard not to feel like a monstrous - in every sense - under-achiever in such circs.

I assume this too will pass but I must say I'm not enjoying it. And I've broken the bathroom blind.

On another note - what can I do with the courgettes I optimistically ordered? Preferably without tomatoes as I've used the last tin?

Salivates

Best of luck Cloud and enjoy the rest of the day which sound lovely.

It's good advice..about enjoying the journey. I can see it from both sides though....and it's particularly hard if one's parent passes and we feel we haven't done them proud, or that there were expectations....I do realised I have selective memory sometimes....and forget that before all this struggle to maintain some professional life having given up the full time job to bring up DC, I need reminding that I had a successful and relatively senior position for many years including 12 years as a parent of young children. It's therefore hard to fathom why there is the feeling of having achieved very little. I can only assume we are measuring ourselves against the perceived standards of people who are now, where we think we need to be. I also think the loneliness of WFH and being freelance has something do with it. Ah well, that's my thought for the day for what it's worth.

I feel quite horrible and haven't slept well. This cold that's going round seems to have as a feature, a permanent headache which I just can't shake. I can't face the world with a red nose.

Courgettes..? Add other veg, e.g. peppers etc and make veggie lasagne?

Courgette spaghetti?
Ratatouille?

I wonder whether those of you who feel you have under-achieved had parents with high expectations for you? That is one thing I can't accuse mine of (in a good way)

I am in the gym on a bike and it is packed
Mostly older people which is good to see!

Yes BTM, that's it exactly. Dp's with unreachable and constantly changing goalposts. Still.

In boutique farming news we have two perfect little kids, who arrived in quick succession at 1.30am, so was not too late. Crawled into bed only to be rudely awakened by Cremcat trying to make an escape out a window at 4ish. Not a great nights sleep, no.

Cloud enjoy the Hockney, I did. I particularly enjoyed his drawings. See what you think,
Right back to work gosh it's busy.

By my age, my mother had built five houses (with my dad), started the magazine which went on to become Which?, had three children, have one die, adopted another, and done countless other amazing things.

< Caution, soul-bearing ahead. >

She did fail, however, to show me any affection, so I grew up with absolutely no self-belief whatsoever. And that I would be loved if I could only reach an unspoken 'standard'. This meant for a miserable adolescence, and a lot of sleeping with unsuitable men.

It's only in the past few years that I've realised that not only was this standard unattainable, it didn't actually exist, and that all she really wanted was for me to be happy. The reason she couldn't articulate this was grief (for dead child) and awful mother herself.

Since I've had DS, and increasingly since I've been teaching, I've rebuilt myself from the inside out, and have discovered my own self worth. It has come from within, and has meant that the odd and indistinct notion of 'success', as defined by my own construct of parental expectations, has less and less influence.

< end soul-bearing >

In other news, we're no longer going to Sheffield, due to host's child having vomiting bug. I do not want to get this, or for DS to get it, or to pass it to Aged Ps who I'm seeing at the weekend. So, we have three days to fill. I'm thinking Kew Gardens and possibly Kidzania. Plus swimming, cycling, gardening, cleaning, making Anglo Saxon Axe, etc etc.

Kew sounds good.

My parents would only have been satisfied if I'd got an academic job, and lost two stone. My mother told everyone how proud she was of me, but really this was because she wanted them to think she had the sort of daughter (academic, thin, pretty, etc) that she could be proud of. I was also brought up to believe she was literally the most beautiful woman in the world.

She didn't actually do much with her life till she was around my age, at which point she became this world-celebrated (apparently) literary translator (which as Stropps has robustly pointed out to me in the past is a job that requires bank-rolling).

I am not good on self-worth, but in all honesty I feel this is in my case more realism than anything else.

And I would like to do something along the journey. It used to be - and to an extent still is - about making changes in a world which has a lot that needs to be fixed; but also I would like to write something worth reading. (My novel is not a lovely puzzle - it's a rather disparate narrative which needs more plot, structure and action. The writing is in the main good, and the dialogue has patches of excellence, but it lacks coherence and it has probably been over-ambitious in its scope. That's what I'd say on editing notes, anyway!)

My upbringing was the polar opposite to your, MI.

My mother was a SAHM & her marriage to my father was her second & they were both old (for the 1950's) when they had me.

They valued intelligence (Dad was a doctor) but both thought that there was no point in 'girls' having much of a career as they would give it up when they married (the ultimate goal). Teacher (at the most) or secretary was the right career path. Law or medicine would be a waste.

They were very keen for me to marry the 'right' sort of 'chap' & when I was with my ex they told me they would stop paying for my university course (history) if I didn't give him up as he was 'common'.

So I dropped out of university & went my own way.

I spent some years being full of resentment but now it doesn't really worry me.

I can't change the past.

Joins Crem and everyone else on the bad sleep bench: I slept well until 3.50 when DH woke me up blowing his nose, or, as we like to call it 'trumpeting'! I know he gets bad hay fever, but why, oh why, does he have to make so much noise? I have been awake since then, I am afraid, trying, unsuccessfully, not to wake the nuisance up as he went back to sleep. (I failed miserably and he got up at 5.45 to make me tea).

The tales of parents make me want to weep, tbh: we had very little money, dad worked in a factory, but I was never in any doubt that I was loved. All my parents ever wanted was for me and a DSis to be happy, and we were. I perhaps come from this from a different standpoint, but I consider my DC are my greatest achievement: two hard-working responsible members of society who care very much about other people. And I am pretty certain that your DC will all (or mostly) turn out the same. End of lecture.

Crem, twins, how lovely. Must have a photo.

Auriga, how are you feeling? Good luck with the interview today at 1.30 (senior moment, I can't remember who it was ).

Don't get me started on self worth. I really feel I have wasted my life and lack any sense of value. Not a great place to be.

Last couple of moths in particular have been hard and ds is right, I have been horrible to be around. Time to MTFU I think .....

I will do some thinking over the next couple of weeks. Although I think I will probably die of envy at the conference I am attending on Thursday...

NU, my DH trumpets. And even more annoyingly, sniffs. This only started a few years ago and happens every day. Many, many times. Not in meetings at work, of course

I think perhaps DC of high-achieving parents may feel more pressure too?
Although my parents did professional jobs - teacher/accountant (even as an alcoholic), I think they just wanted me to do a professional job. DH's parents (unskilled/skilled workers) are very proud of all their DC - professional/unskilled/seriously disabled.

My DP sniffs, which drives me demented, and has recently started trumpeting. And accompanying sneezing with a shout. It's not a participation activity, FFS. Keep it down.

DP's parents were a bus driver and catering assistant. Didn't push him at all academically, but made him feel very loved and were so glowingly proud of him being the first in the family to go to university, and nearly exploded when he got a masters. That very love also meant DP put pressure on himself to make them proud. And now they're gone...

I didn't sleep well either. I was too hot, then too cold, then DH woke up and grumbled that I was taking all the duvet and pulled it off me. Then I was on his side of the bed. Then the cat woke up, and for reasons best known to himself, tried to climb the wardrobe. He fell off, and then decided he was going to sleep on top of me... and then the alarm went off.

My mother wanted me to be a short hand typist. Which is what she was (eventually).

Courgettes: fry in butter with onions and garlic.

BD - what is the conference you are attending on Thursday? And don't give yourself too much grief about your DS saying you have been horrible to be around. We can't be all sweetness and light all the time.

Go down to Kew in lilac-time, in lilac-time, in lilac-time;
Go down to Kew in lilac-time (it isn’t far from London!)
And you shall wander hand in hand with love in summer’s wonderland;
Go down to Kew in lilac-time (it isn’t far from London!)

The cherry-trees are seas of bloom and soft perfume and sweet perfume,
The cherry-trees are seas of bloom (and oh, so near to London!)
And there they say, when dawn is high and all the world’s a blaze of sky

The cuckoo, though he’s very shy, will sing a song for London.

The Dorian nightingale is rare and yet they say you’ll hear him there
At Kew, at Kew in lilac-time (and oh, so near to London!)
The linnet and the throstle, too, and after dark the long halloo
And golden-eyed tu-whit, tu-whoo, of owls that ogle London.

For Noah hardly knew a bird of any kind that isn’t heard
At Kew, at Kew in lilac-time (and oh, so near to London!)
And when the rose begins to pout and all the chestnut spires are out
You’ll hear the rest without a doubt, all chorussing for London:—

Come down to Kew in lilac-time, in lilac-time, in lilac-time;
Come down to Kew in lilac-time (it isn’t far from London!)
And you shall wander hand in hand with love in summer’s wonderland;
Come down to Kew in lilac-time (it isn’t far from London!)

Mrs S - I've just had a night like that - minus the cat. I feel like the walking dead today - I never seem to sleep very well in the school holidays - lack of structure and routine I think.

MM - that is shocking about stopping uni funding because of unsuitable guy. Uni is not a marriage bureau. My DF was also a doc and wanted us to succeed intellectually and mainly in science. He has three daughters and was very concerned that they could be independent and fend for themselves. He once said if none of us got married that would be fine.

DD2 has packed a ridiculously large case full of ridiculous clothes that she is unlikely to wear. I'm not sure how she is going to get it back with her. I do not know why she needs an enormous fake fur stole between now and June! There is also a top that both DD1 and I have pointed out is way too small (boobs literally exploding out of it) which she refuses to part with. Am contemplating being the interfering mother and sneeking it out of her case whilst she's out.

Hatty, those outfits sound perfectly reasonable when you are young and on a night out in England and DD may have some tops like that

Oops, bit late, but sending good luck 🍀 to Cloud.

Molly how lovely. But again, you have lilac in bloom already? Weeks away here
Bd i think you need a complete break. Things will distil while you are in Crete. Shut off mind. Breathe in fresh air. Dream dreamless sleep. ( bring a sleep relax app and headphones with you) Not being in a good mood is not being a bad mum. Kids need to know life can be tough too.
The answer will come out of the blue.

Crem, many congrats on the new arrivals! You must be bushed! Hope work not too dreadful and you are bearing up ok.

BD, I agree with Crem. :)