10 year old DD needs to up her game in the style stakes...

[NotdeadyetBOING]

Took DD to a party yesterday and it suddenly dawned on me that her classmates have got all trendy. It's all ankle boots and bomber jackets, gilets etc. Poor DD still seems to be blissfully unaware of all this business, but is starting to stick out like a sore thumb with her tat purchased for a song on ebay- ancient clobber. Boden & its ilk clearly not going to cut it now. Not sure where to go to buy her suitable stuff. Zara? Not loaded. Pls share your tips……

[LIZS]

I wouldn't worry too much . Dd is 15 and still not that style conscious. Take your dd along to pick out a few key items like hoodie, trainers/canvas, skinny jeans etc then layer non branded mix and match basics from h and m , zara and so on. New Look is another work looking at especially their 9-15 sale rail.

[NotdeadyetBOING]

Mmm, I've been through this and am not a proponent of the "let them dress like George out of the Famous Five" argument. This is not a situation where the only choice is between the larger sizes of Petit Bateau on the one hand and a one way ticket to Sodom & Gommorrah via a Katie Price/Donatella Versace mash up on the other.

^^ Exactly! .

I think I just need to learn to navigate that middle ground. And agree with so many of you that I should start to involve DD in the decisions.

I wish I could go back and change my title as it is v. misleading. I promise EssentialHummus et al that I definitely won't be using it as a stick to beat her with! On the contrary - I celebrate her independence of spirit and often talk to her about not feeling she needs to stick with the herd .

But as others have picked up on, it's not a case of DD having 'selected' the clothes she wears. She just picks up whatever is lying in a pile on the floor nearest without giving it much/any thought. This is, of course, FINE, but the girls at her school are getting quite cliquey and the snide comments have started. She is desperate to fit in with all the other girls. I just want to give her a gentle steer so she is 'within touching distance of the pack' as Tawny put it.

[steppemum]

My dd is now 12, and ever since the others started getting trendy, she has move din the opposite direction!
She actively chose ds hand me downs etc.

Last year, in year 6, they went on a residential after SATs and I was concerned that she looked rubbish, and they all looked trendy, but I didn't want to squash her style and her choice, so before the residential we went shopping.

I asked for advice on here, about where we could go that wasn't girly and might have stuff that fit her.. We went to both Mountain Warehouse, and H&M. (boys dept, not girls!)

I was very clear that she could choose what she liked, but encouraged her to try on lots of stuff.
We also talked a lot about colours, and what works and what doesn't (she does have a fondness for green, and then wears 3 different clashing greens) so we found other things that would go with her favourite green stuff.

It really helped her to bridge the gap. She started to work out a proper style for herself which is much better than the big brother's hand me down look. She still wears jeans and fleeces, but now has a funky hair cut, and some bright T shirts, so she looks like it is a chosen look.

We went out this half term actually and she chose some really good stuff (suits her) but she pretty much only buys from the boys department.

I actually think that helping her to find her own style has enabled her to stand up and be herself. She is the only girl in her class at secondary who wears the uniform trousers, rather than skirt, and there are only 2 girls in the whole of year 7 with short hair (dd and her friend).

By contrast her younger sister is the queen of twirly skirts. No hand me downs going in that direction!

[Ohyesiam]

I get what you're saying in your update.
Take get to primary, new look, h&m, and see what she chooses. They ate all really cheap ( don't go there with the ethics of it....).
Good luck with it

[ZombieApocalips]

Dd switched her school shoes from Mary Janes to brogues in y4. They have the obvious advantage of being popular and practical.

[DalaHorse]

I think it's good your dd isn't self conscious, but it sounds like rather than her following her own style she's just unquestioningly wearing what you buy her from eBay. She can't have shopped for it, or chosen one colour over another etc.

I think it's probably a good idea to take her shopping and let her choose a few bits herself to add to what she already wears. Also one very trendy accessory (backpack bag for example) can go a long way.

It's a good idea to do it before there's a chance for her to be marked out as "left behind" in terms of clothing that's age appropriate for her peer group.

[Pappawasarollingbone]

I have this awful memory of being at a party in mismatching clothes and mad wonky bunches and noticing everyone else looked all cool and grown up. My mum was fabulous and loving but oblivious to things like this. It wasn't until I was bullied I noticed how greasy my hair had gotten and needed to be washed more than once a week or that I needed a bra. But the party thing is a bad memory and even now makes me feel embarrassed.
You can just buy her a few things you don't have to go full on fashion nut job.
I have a friend whose kids are agonisingly trendy and I whenever we go out her kids will either be cold or their shoes are uncomfortable because they look good but aren't practical. The matching fur gilet was just not warm enough and the tassels on the boots kept getting caught when she was climbing. My kids looked pretty scruffy but they were warm and could climb.

[SuperFlyHigh]

Bershka (Zara little sister brand) is much cooler and trendier than Zara. Unless you're near a city with a shop it'd be online but I know friend's 13 year old DD who ordered online with help from her mum and they said returns were fine.

www.bershka.com/gb/

I have a memory of being about 11 before my birthday party, not fashion conscious at all (my mum had various ideas about me being dressed in navy and looking "French", anyway a family friend who was 13 persuaded my mum to go to a trendy clothes shop nearby where we got an outfit trendy enough for the party (approx 1982/3), it was a bit Bananarama style, but I also got bought some other clothes whilst I was there. I had no idea what was trendy but the friend did. At the party I felt I fitted in more.