10 year old DD needs to up her game in the style stakes...

[NotdeadyetBOING]

Took DD to a party yesterday and it suddenly dawned on me that her classmates have got all trendy. It's all ankle boots and bomber jackets, gilets etc. Poor DD still seems to be blissfully unaware of all this business, but is starting to stick out like a sore thumb with her tat purchased for a song on ebay- ancient clobber. Boden & its ilk clearly not going to cut it now. Not sure where to go to buy her suitable stuff. Zara? Not loaded. Pls share your tips……

[WhiteHorseWilliam]

Oh, for goodness sake.

If only my mother had helped me dress more fashionably, I didn't have a clue, neither did she.

Clothes are soo important at this age. She can still find her own style.

Mumsnet is weird.

H&M is good OP.

[MrsDoylesladder]

Not keen on the way you have put it but know what you mean. Let her develop her own style. Buy her GoGirl - it has a fashion section which is reasonable. If she develops an interest, fine. If not , leave her to be cool the way she is.

[AndNoneForGretchenWieners]

DS dressed like an emo from the age of 4 to about 12 - skinny jeans, skulls and band Tees - everything was black. He chose his own clothes but was influenced by his auntie and her friends. It was lovely to see him being so sure in his own skin. As soon as he hit 13 it was all labels and sportswear. Your DD will be the same - at some point she will start to ask for different things, or maybe she won't and clothes won't interest her. Let her be for a while.longer.

[TriangleBagLady]

Ignore the "leave her alone" brigade. I am with you. Or I was this time last year. I got a similar response. And yes, she maybe lovely and niave for not caring what she looks like - but lets be honest. One day soon a "friend" will may make some nasty comment. It will hurt. I think you are doing a good parenting job to try prevent that. It would be lovely to live in a world where that nasty comment will not happen. But it is not likely is it? You can still teach her the values and morals about what people look like doesn't matter. DD got the nasty comments starting - I came here for advice. And apart from the Leave it brigade the useful advise was spot on:

Shopwise - go throw away fashion:
H&M
River Island
Primark

Just take her as a nice excursion - say she just needs a few more bits especially as it is getting warmer. Tell her what you are going to do a few days before so she can maybe have a think about what she might like. When there let her pick up a few things. Try them on. Don't rush it. If she is not interested and not bothered then just help her "do you like this top or this one?" "Do you think you'd like a new pair of jeans or maybe some shorts." If something looks shit on her don't let her get it.

Have a limit on the total number of outfits you are going to get (eg 3 tops 2 bottoms) so it is not all overwhelming. Also means if she picks stuff she later realises she does not like then you haven't wasted too much money.

DD was way more enthusiastic about taking control of her wardrobe than I realised. She still has the same lovely personality and morals - just she is in River Island and H&M not Tu and Boden.

[Imstickingwiththisone]

I remember being that age and I never wanted to tell my mum what kind of clothes I wanted to wear, nor did I really know what I wanted. All I knew was that I stood out compared to my friends and was self conscious about it.

If you've always shopped for your daughter's clothes then there's no well done for your daughter not following he crowd. Shes just wearing what you've bought for her which is what you've always done and that's fine.

But I agree you should take her shopping and let her pick some clothes rather than just picking them yourself. If she doesn't conform then that's fine and she's decided it.

[SoftSheen]

There's a big difference between (1) choosing to dress differently from your peers as a result of a strong sense of individual style coupled with innate self-confidence, and (2) dressing differently from your peers because you don't really know what you want to wear and have only been provided with 'tat purchased for a song on eBay'.

Children do notice what each other are wearing, as do adults, and by allowing them the opportunity to fit in with their peers you are probably doing them a favour. I would take DD shopping and allow her to pick out some clothes, with a little gentle guidance as needed.

[ProfessorBranestawm]

Agree that growing up starts younger and younger these days.

[ProfessorBranestawm]

FWIW though I started letting DD choose her own clothes a few years back, she's 9. Within reason obviously and we are very low budget but she knew her own mind and I went with it. It's been interesting to see her tastes change, it's now all about superheroes and Pokemon and geeky stuff. That said she's happy with hand me downs too but if I'm buying her clothes (whether in a store or charity shop) I may as well let her choose.

[NotdeadyetBOING]

Lots of good advice here so thank you.

I agree it would be nice to take her shopping and make a fun mother/daughter outing of it.

I have been guilty of just buying the same little girls' clothes in larger sizes as a PP put it.

Definitely not a case of me trying to prise her out of beloved DMs and into some grim Lolita style outfit! Just want to help her fit in a bit more - or at least stay under the radar (as another PP brilliantly put it).

Will try H&M for starters.

[Buttercupsandaisies]

I'm going through this with dd10. It's so important I feel for them to fit in - being unique is all well and good but with kids its not always seen as positive

My DD is now well aware of who the trendy girls are and that equates with popularity

DD dresses mainly river island, but of Zara, adidas, Pink etc. Her friends are all similar

[Buttercupsandaisies]

Yes h&m is cheap but actually similar to RI which is better quality. I find h&m a bit 'scruffy' for the over 10s. Loved it for younger age though

[LoveDeathPrizes]

I disagree with the advice I read above. Please don't feel you have to cater to the masses just to avoid bullying. Teach her what matters and who matters rather than try to appease other people.

She receives a nasty comment - discuss it. Does it matter? What does it say about that person? Etc. It's never easy being yourself but this sounds like a good opportunity to build her resilience.

[user1489179512]

Boden is nice. Why do want her to be a little sheep? Let her be herself.

[SoupDragon]

Let her be herself.


She isn't being herself. She is being what her mother chooses for her.

[SoupDragon]

(Which is not a criticism of the OP!)

[Toomanycats99]

My Dd is 9.5. I generally choose her clothes but I know what she likes to wear - leggings with shorts over the top and a t shirt & hoody. Then boots or converse. She is beginning to ask for specific things though - a bomber jacket and checked shirt being the latest! New look 9 - 15 can be good but I find a lot of the stuff is cropped / skimpy and not so suitable for the bottom of the age range.

[ShesAStar]

This thread is interesting, OP I think you're right - your DD will benefit from having a bit of a clothes update. My DH grew up in a very poor household, his mother made him his summer shorts and knitted him jumpers because they were so poor. DH buys my DS the most stupidly expensive trainers (DS is 8) because he won't allow DS to feel as bad about himself as he did - his words not mine. I think not fitting in can be quite damaging. I think it's important to give your child the opportunity to fit in if they want to.

[LoveDeathPrizes]

I hear what you're saying star but that's a bit different - at the moment the OP's daughter couldn't care less.

[TheKop]

Hi OP, my 10 DD wears a lot of Zara, H&M and Gap. She also has a lot of the Harry Potter t shirts from Primark. Her general style is ripped jeans or denim dungarees with turn ups. She wears t shirts with them and Superdry hoodies or bomber jackets. She owns a few pairs of Converse and Vans. She also likes a sporty look - leggings, vest, Nike mesh sweaters and Air Max.

She loves trying different hair styles - braids, plaits etc - but usually piles it on top of her head in a messy bun.

Fashion is really important to DD and I love seeing how much enjoyment she gets from putting outfits together or getting new clothes.

[MrsPnut]

My Dd is 10 and I look in the sale at Abercrombie and Fitch, hollister and super dry. I usually let her choose and then I cut the basket down to what I can afford.
We also still shop at Boden and Zara but again she chooses.

[MrsNuckyThompson]

Gosh. Everyone has really jumped down your throats here, OP!! If she's not interested (rather than has a particular style she wants to follow which is different) then I agree it makes sense for you to look at some new options. H&M is probably a good place to start!

[PossumInAPearTree]

Primark, river island, H&M.

For what it's worth my Dd was the same at this age and totally unaware. Was also starting to get left out by other kids and was noticing that. 10yo girls are very fickle and judgemental. Dd lived in trackkie bottoms and t shirts.

So I made a day out of it and we hit the shops. Dd came back with a load more fashionable clothes. Even just swapping tracksuit trousers for jeggings made a massive difference. She's now nearly 16yo and very much has her own style. The main thing is she looks like she's made an effort.

[PossumInAPearTree]

Oh and the first thing we did when we went shopping was sit in an open plan Starbucks in a busy shopping centre having coffee and people watching teenagers for ideas.

[Ehsamy]

Oh you lot with your "she's so cool, fab, wonderful for not being a sheep" are getting on my wick!

My DD has taken an interest in clothes for a few years now and she is also cool, fab and wonderful and not at all like a sheep. She just likes clothes! It's just one part of her personality not her whole being!

OP - enjoy shopping with your DD

[HastyShopper]

I'd give her an opportunity to shop.

My DD 'graduated' into comfy leggings and band tshirts- not at all on trend but really works for her.