10 year old DD needs to up her game in the style stakes...

[NotdeadyetBOING]

Took DD to a party yesterday and it suddenly dawned on me that her classmates have got all trendy. It's all ankle boots and bomber jackets, gilets etc. Poor DD still seems to be blissfully unaware of all this business, but is starting to stick out like a sore thumb with her tat purchased for a song on ebay- ancient clobber. Boden & its ilk clearly not going to cut it now. Not sure where to go to buy her suitable stuff. Zara? Not loaded. Pls share your tips……

[SuperFlyHigh]

Bershka (Zara little sister brand) is much cooler and trendier than Zara. Unless you're near a city with a shop it'd be online but I know friend's 13 year old DD who ordered online with help from her mum and they said returns were fine.

www.bershka.com/gb/

I have a memory of being about 11 before my birthday party, not fashion conscious at all (my mum had various ideas about me being dressed in navy and looking "French", anyway a family friend who was 13 persuaded my mum to go to a trendy clothes shop nearby where we got an outfit trendy enough for the party (approx 1982/3), it was a bit Bananarama style, but I also got bought some other clothes whilst I was there. I had no idea what was trendy but the friend did. At the party I felt I fitted in more.

[Pappawasarollingbone]

I have this awful memory of being at a party in mismatching clothes and mad wonky bunches and noticing everyone else looked all cool and grown up. My mum was fabulous and loving but oblivious to things like this. It wasn't until I was bullied I noticed how greasy my hair had gotten and needed to be washed more than once a week or that I needed a bra. But the party thing is a bad memory and even now makes me feel embarrassed.
You can just buy her a few things you don't have to go full on fashion nut job.
I have a friend whose kids are agonisingly trendy and I whenever we go out her kids will either be cold or their shoes are uncomfortable because they look good but aren't practical. The matching fur gilet was just not warm enough and the tassels on the boots kept getting caught when she was climbing. My kids looked pretty scruffy but they were warm and could climb.

[DalaHorse]

I think it's good your dd isn't self conscious, but it sounds like rather than her following her own style she's just unquestioningly wearing what you buy her from eBay. She can't have shopped for it, or chosen one colour over another etc.

I think it's probably a good idea to take her shopping and let her choose a few bits herself to add to what she already wears. Also one very trendy accessory (backpack bag for example) can go a long way.

It's a good idea to do it before there's a chance for her to be marked out as "left behind" in terms of clothing that's age appropriate for her peer group.

[ZombieApocalips]

Dd switched her school shoes from Mary Janes to brogues in y4. They have the obvious advantage of being popular and practical.

[Ohyesiam]

I get what you're saying in your update.
Take get to primary, new look, h&m, and see what she chooses. They ate all really cheap ( don't go there with the ethics of it....).
Good luck with it

[steppemum]

My dd is now 12, and ever since the others started getting trendy, she has move din the opposite direction!
She actively chose ds hand me downs etc.

Last year, in year 6, they went on a residential after SATs and I was concerned that she looked rubbish, and they all looked trendy, but I didn't want to squash her style and her choice, so before the residential we went shopping.

I asked for advice on here, about where we could go that wasn't girly and might have stuff that fit her.. We went to both Mountain Warehouse, and H&M. (boys dept, not girls!)

I was very clear that she could choose what she liked, but encouraged her to try on lots of stuff.
We also talked a lot about colours, and what works and what doesn't (she does have a fondness for green, and then wears 3 different clashing greens) so we found other things that would go with her favourite green stuff.

It really helped her to bridge the gap. She started to work out a proper style for herself which is much better than the big brother's hand me down look. She still wears jeans and fleeces, but now has a funky hair cut, and some bright T shirts, so she looks like it is a chosen look.

We went out this half term actually and she chose some really good stuff (suits her) but she pretty much only buys from the boys department.

I actually think that helping her to find her own style has enabled her to stand up and be herself. She is the only girl in her class at secondary who wears the uniform trousers, rather than skirt, and there are only 2 girls in the whole of year 7 with short hair (dd and her friend).

By contrast her younger sister is the queen of twirly skirts. No hand me downs going in that direction!

[NotdeadyetBOING]

Mmm, I've been through this and am not a proponent of the "let them dress like George out of the Famous Five" argument. This is not a situation where the only choice is between the larger sizes of Petit Bateau on the one hand and a one way ticket to Sodom & Gommorrah via a Katie Price/Donatella Versace mash up on the other.

^^ Exactly! .

I think I just need to learn to navigate that middle ground. And agree with so many of you that I should start to involve DD in the decisions.

I wish I could go back and change my title as it is v. misleading. I promise EssentialHummus et al that I definitely won't be using it as a stick to beat her with! On the contrary - I celebrate her independence of spirit and often talk to her about not feeling she needs to stick with the herd .

But as others have picked up on, it's not a case of DD having 'selected' the clothes she wears. She just picks up whatever is lying in a pile on the floor nearest without giving it much/any thought. This is, of course, FINE, but the girls at her school are getting quite cliquey and the snide comments have started. She is desperate to fit in with all the other girls. I just want to give her a gentle steer so she is 'within touching distance of the pack' as Tawny put it.

[LIZS]

I wouldn't worry too much . Dd is 15 and still not that style conscious. Take your dd along to pick out a few key items like hoodie, trainers/canvas, skinny jeans etc then layer non branded mix and match basics from h and m , zara and so on. New Look is another work looking at especially their 9-15 sale rail.

[minipie]

I remember being about 11 and realising that all my peers were dressing in teen clothes and I was still in little girl clothes.

I was not happily different because I had my own sense of style, I was unhappily different because I was just behind on the uptake and my mum hadn't a clue either.

So well done OP for realising this might help your DD with her desire to fit in.

Tawny gives good advice - your DD doesn't have to be uber fashionable, just in the same ballpark as the others, and a few bits and bobs will usually do enough. Take notice of what her friends are wearing and suggest she has a look around too to see what kind of thing she likes. Do that before you head to the shops/online.

good luck!

[ZombieApocalips]

Rather than worry about which brands are in/out, I'd advise a bit of people watching with your dd to suss out what she likes/dislikes.
When my dd was 10, her style was skater dresses like Taylor Swift and started to wear colours like khaki and maroon rather than pink and sequins.
Now she lives in the teen staple of dark skinnies and long hoodies with Adidas trainers. (Not Superstars which is THE shoe for girls ATM)
At age 10, she may fit into women's size 4/6 tops which may give more choice.

[ShelaghTurner]

My dd1 is 9 and at a party on Saturday I noticed the opposite. Her classmates are very young in their clothes choices (for want of a better word) whereas dd1 has got progressively darker and rockier in her choices. I was wondering if she was too grown up although all her clothes are age appropriate, just not the bright patterned clothes that her friends wear, more blacks and dark greys and different motifs on them. Nothing wrong with either choice, just interesting watching them start to develop their own style.

[ZombieApocalips]

New Look and River Island do an 8+ range. My dd preferred the former.

H&M and the super markets so child-friendly trendy clothes like bomber jackets .

[Buttercupsandaisies]

Trainers in our school (year 6) are huraches but u can't stand them. Luckily DD likes Stan smiths which I think are way cooler!

[TheTurnOfTheScrew]

10's a good age for them to have more choice and control over what they wear. dd1 is 10 and for the last couple of years prefers to come shopping with me to choose her own stuff, usually at Next, H&M and Primark.

it's not all uber-fashionable stuff, and isn't always the same kind of stuff her mates wear - most recent purchase was a Batman jumper - but it's what she likes. I reserve a power of veto which I mostly limit to ill-fitting stuff, but have used to swerve the odd dodgy slogan-ed top.

I bet you'll both really enjoy it.

[Bensyster]

As to what brands are cool - it depends on your dd's look. My kids won't wear branded clothes - they particularly hate branded sportwear - trainers are ok though. Dd wears Dm's, leggings and oversized jumpers, not sure what her friends wear. She says lots of them wear big white nike trainers - no good apparently! I'm just glad she hasn't attempted to go down the overly grown up look.

[MerryMarigold]

Also, OP, once your dd has found something she likes eg. wearing shorts and tights, there is a lot available on ebay cheaply from really nice brands. I do that with dd. She was really into shorts jumpsuits last year so I got her one from ebay and it was lovely, much better quality than some of the cheapies you get in primark etc.

[MerryMarigold]

Zara is actually very cheap. Cheaper than H & M often.

[kingscrossnoodle]

I was all ready to agree with the masses and say let her be herself but that isn't even what is happening here. Being different is fine when it's a choice, but when you are different because your mum buys your clothes and doesn't let you have an opinion it's not the same. Why don't you just take her to Tesco? Asda? Primark? And let her choose her own clothes? It doesn't have to be Zara and river island. Simple and cheap is the way to go, but please, let her choose her own clothes. I don't even buy for my 7yo without asking if she actually likes it first.

[midcenturymodern]

Mine saw fitting in as 'silly'. Any sort of fashion was silly. Not fitting in was also silly so anything goth or punk or grunge was right out. I grew up in faded sweatshirts and jeans - which is fine but I couldn't have had the stonewash drainpipes when they were in because that would be silly so I was always presentable but never looked nice iyswim. I couldn't develop a sense of style as a teenager for fear of looking 'silly' (not as in wearing silly clothes but he whole concept of trying to look nice was deemed as silly). I'm still a bloody mess. I never wear accessories or make up because those years when I should have been developing those skills were spent in my room listening to meant to be overheard conversations about how I was clever and bookish (I wasn't) and 'wasn't interested is silly things like that' (I was).

[EssentialHummus]

Just don't turn it into a stick to beat her with (which it doesn't sound like you're doing, OP).

My mum is very stylish, prides herself on being well-dressed etc. We didn't have much money but she was forever taking me round the shops, desperate that I fit in with the other girls. I couldn't be bothered and was in baggy tops and Adidas trackies until uni. She always made me feel terrible about how I looked (and still bloody does!) - please don't do that.

[UnicornMadeOfPinkGlitter]

Elektra dd is 11 and its Adidas Superstars all the way and all of her friends. They are £50 from the likes of jd sports or foot asylum. Her dad brought her some from a website called ioffer, which were mega cheap about £15 but I think they might be fakes, however they look exactly the same as her £50 Jd sports ones.

[UnicornMadeOfPinkGlitter]

dd has just turned 11 and its been a bit of a wake up call for me the last year or so. I had continued to buy nice clothes from Boden, Joules, Lands End, John Lewis, just in the bigger age sizes and lamenting at how they stopped at age 11-12 and how when she outgrew that size what would we do. I have now realised that she has her own sense of style and while it might not be to my taste she's now growing up and needs to assert her own identity or the identity of her crowd.

A shopping trip can be a good idea, it can also be a bad idea depending on budgets and availability of stores in your town.

DD loves Zara, Gap, New Look and a bit of River Island. We get the odd basic item such as jeans and shorts in Primark. H&M at their age is very heavy on the black and Grey and not much colour wise.

dd's current look is denim shorts or dungarees with tights, converse or chunky ankle boot and then hoodies, t-shirts etc. She loves a choker necklace This is where primark is good for accessories, chokers £1.50, packs of rings £1, cute little mini backpack £8 (new look identical one is £20)

However on many occasion we've been disappointed in store and had much better luck looking and ordering online. Next is a good example of this, the stores often full of younger items, but the cooler stuff avalaible online, zara often way better online, and Gap. That may be our nearest shopping centre though (Reading). We didn't have the same issue when we visited Westfield Shepherds bush.

Also if you do go to Primark, depending on the size of your dd, check out the womens wear as sweatshirts are cheap and start at a size 4 which fits a lot of 10/11 yr olds.

also for the 'cool' rating we buy a lot online with discount codes or from the sale section, Abercrombie kids, Hollister. Super dry apparently not so cool these days, but again that depends on the area, my nieces up north still love super dry.

[midcenturymodern]

There's a big difference between (1) choosing to dress differently from your peers as a result of a strong sense of individual style coupled with innate self-confidence, and (2) dressing differently from your peers because you don't really know what you want to wear and have only been provided with 'tat purchased for a song on eBay'.


^^This x100000

DD1 has been interested in fashion since toddler-hood. She is brilliant at it and in my eye it's one of the things that makes her 'cool, fab and wonderful'. DS1 in contrast doesn't give a shit. His complete lack of interest in one area doesn't make him cool and fab. He is as sheep like as any of his friends with joggers and hoodies. He has other things that make him fab and wonderful but looking a bloody mess all the time, not being able to put an outfit together, and never cleaning his shoes isn't one of them.

[MerryMarigold]

Adidas Flux are 'of the moment' in our primary school, all the way to Y6, They are £35-50. Ds2 spent all his xmas money on a pair and they have not lasted v well playing football - just at break time! (They are allowed the all-black ones for school). Not impressed with quality, but prob fine for walking around, just not for actual sport .

[elektrawoman]

Thanks everyone some good ideas here for me too! DD 11 gets a lot of hand-me-downs but I am aware they are not always so fashionable so I've been trying to pick her up some other clothes. So far have got her jeggings from H&M and t-shirts from Primark, but I think we need another shopping trip. I get confused what brands are in / out!
She likes wearing little denim shorts with black tights, she carries this look off well. I don't like crop tops or ones with stupid phrases on but apart from that am fairly relaxed about what she wears.
Any advice on trainers - not willing to go down the £100 trainer route but on the other hand don't want her to be teased for having naff ones. What's good to get?

I was a very untrendy teenager and wish I'd had a bit more guidance. I cringe now when I think of some of the outfits I put together. I never felt very confident anyway and my clothes didn't help. It wasn't until I went to art college and did the alternative/charity-shop look that I finally felt I had some sort of style! So from personal experience I do think it's nice to give the pre-teens a bit of help to look more stylish.