Is it just me?

[HealthyElf]

I am mid forties and I favour a particular look that I feel suits me and I am comfortable with, casual skinny jeans with ankle boots and layered tops and jumpers in the winter. In the summer I tend to wear looser jeans and converse or maxi skirts and vests.

But it's not my clothes that I have a problem with.

Every time I brave a visit to the salon I come out looking middle aged and boring and dare I say it 'safe'.

I have never had hair longer than shoulder length as an adult as I feel it just doesn't suit me. I spend lots of time looking at Pinterest and have found amazing styles that I not only want but feel that I could cope with on a day to day basis.
I would describe these styles as messy/choppy short bobs or long pixies.

I show pictures to the stylist and explain my lifestyle etc but always come out with a smooth Boufy kind of hair that makes me look like a newsreader from the nineties.

It happened again on Monday and now I'm sad

Is it just me that this happens to?

You need a better hairdresser.

Do you go to a small 'local' one?

My mate is doing a hairdressing course and she's only learning about four haircuts. They probably just can't do what you want.

Find someone more experienced.

It is a local one in a small town, supposedly the best in town. It costs £50 for my disappointment so yes I should definitely try elsewhere.

Yes, find somewhere else.

If you see someone with cool hair ask where they got it done.

Hair dressers can be a bit conveyer belty. Maybe find a part time one to come to your house? I reckon if there's a queue they get distracted and rush.

Arf at £50 for your disappointment! SEriously I think you need to either go somewhere bigger, like your nearest city or ask around. Do you know anyone with great hair? I found my hairdresser through a friend and she is fab, young and trendy but also great at cutting. I love her and even though it is awkward to get to I won't go anywhere else now.

If you admire a haircut of someone you know, could you ask where they had it done? Recommendations are probably best. You could take pictures in to show your stylist but I agree with Joff, some hairdressers will not have the confidence or knowledge to produce an edgy modern cut.

The irony is, the girl that cut my hair had pretty much the kind of hair I hanker after and I said I liked the back of hers and that was what I was after. She said she was growing it out.
Then she carried out the 'middle ager'
I am definitely going to take your advice and go somewhere else. Trouble is I am broke again now so it'll be a few weeks of misery.
Thank you everyone

Oh yes! I've got a bob and I used to come of the salon with it poofed up and curled under,horrendous! It was always the younger stylists who did this. I've found a fantastic hairdresser now,she's around my age and understands what I want.

That's brilliant, retainer. There is hope!

Can you funk it up yourself with some kind of products? Can u show us a photo? I know what u mean though. I am 46 and have grey/platinum blonde hair. I have to go very short and choppy or I look very frumpy.

I used to have this problem, until I got a lovely gay male stylist, who roared with laughter when I said I didn't want an 'Irish mammy' haircut (I'm in the depths of rural Ireland but travel to my nearest city for my haircuts). I think you need to hunt around until you find a stylist you can have a rapport with, and tell them firmly that you don't want a middle aged cut. I now have a lovely 30-something woman stylist but we get on really well (I'm early 60s), and she's always encouraging me to go a bit funkier with my hair, so all good.

marmite, yes I have to keep mine really short. I know when I need it cut when I look in the mirror and see my mother looking back at me!

Yes, marmitelover, I have been fiddling around with it and trying to get a messy kind of look but the shape is just so Lego and it eventually reverts back!

the middle-ager
What about asking for it cut short into your neck and sides and longer on the top, sort of falling forward and sweeping to the side? I have thick hair and it tends to mushroom into a frumpy shape when cut into a bob.

Thanks lostit, I do think I need to stop even uttering the word bob when I am in the chair. Even if I say CHOPPY or MESSY in the same sentence I end up with super frump.

I feel your pain OP

I am 50.

I have tried many hairdressers all of whom seem to think middle aged mushroom/helmet is the right look for me

Yes perhaps it's best not to say the word Bob at all. There was a memorable time when I asked for a layered bob and ended up with a fringe that went all round my head .

It might be worth going to a swanky hairdressers and getting the cut you want so that other hairdressers can then follow the cut, IYSWIM.

I am quite fussy about how I like my hair, sometimes I wish I could cut it myself. I know what you mean about them not listening to what you say.
I am very annoying in the hairdresser's. I take pictures to help me explain. Then when they're finishing up I have a good look and tell them what I want changing. They must find it very frustrating but at that point I don't care! I have explained exactly what I want, with pictures and I'm paying for that hair cut.
It can be a bit awkward if you don't know the hairdresser well but just try and politely say 'oh I'd like it a bit messier/choppier than this. I don't want it to be neat etc..' and try and pinpoint exactly what you want changing. Then when I get a cut I really like I take pictures from every angle and take that to the salon next time :) good luck for your next cut!

I gave up and DO cut it myself! I watched loads of YouTube vids and gave now not been to a salon for 6 years or so... you do gradually get more and more confident.

I vary between bra-strap and just past shoulders depending on mood, cut layers into the length and shape the front. I'm 44.

I spend my money on beautiful serums and treatments 😄

(Not a bob, mind you) helpful

(Big thank you to mumsnet for being awesome)

This thread has made me laugh as I know exactly what you mean.

Only once I found someone who cut it fabulously and it was her last day at that salon before she moved miles away.

Actually the older i get the more it matters.

When I take in a photo of what I want I also take in a photo of what I really don't want (something the same length and vaguely similar but just WRONG), so they get me.

I have a pain in the arse shaped head for a fringe but I don't look right without one. I grew up having shit hair cuts even though actually my hair so quite nice... so when I found The One in my early twenties, I bloody well stuck to him! Even when I moved 70 miles away I would still go back to him for my hair.

However... I've been on maternity leave and last year felt I couldn't justify the £80 on hair and went to someone else instead. She cut and coloured my hair satisfactorily but then justs ort of flicked my fringe and snipped it even though I had explained at length what I wanted. I was miserable for two whole months because that was the waiting list to get back to my normal hairdresser it wasn't worth the £20 I saved.