A Crepey Advent-ure

[MontserratCaballe]

Over here, my darlings....

Love, it, BD - bifold door each How romantic!

Ha, BD - we often did similar, certainly in the early days at the Chateau, when we were spending every penny on renovations. And if not doors, it was something like a new bed - marginally more romantic......possibly.

I have been picking away at the Christmas shopping; I'm on the constant lookout for stocking fillers throughout the year, so I have usually assembled a decent bagful come Christmas, but I still have a few more mundane items to add (stationery etc). Yesterday I was in our local discount emporium and found some mini beauty giftsets and some blingy Christmas earrings for the DDs and a mug for DS. DS is definitely more tough to buy for, and doesn't appreciate frivolous stuff like puzzles or comedy pens, so I tend to stick with more useful items. Headphones, aftershave, pants etc. Not forgetting the obligatory jar of Nutella and Costa gift card.

I was being ironic about the CD, BTM.

I have done no Christmas shopping. Either Amazon will deliver it or I will go late night shopping on Oxford Street (when the shops are entirely empty and you can wander round at 1100 at night, if that is your thing). Much less stressful than a Saturday.

Where does good cheap leggings?

Sainsbo's, MrsS!

H&M , or Asda

Or ASOS. A two-pack (in Shortarse) for £14, I think, and there is 20 per cent off today too.

I browsed Black Friday deals and decided I probably can't be arsed. I have to do an interview right by Johnny Loulou's at 5pm on Monday anyway. At the London College of Fashion - what do I wear?????

Yes Rudy, go blonder. Gavel. Caramel and champagne beigey? Or goldeny or silver? (Brunettes - the world of blondery is a complex thing, well it is for this vain fool )

I like a Forever 21 legging (note fashiony singular). I originally typed Forever 221. Perhaps in a couple of centuries people will live long enough to need one.

Crem - I arfed at 'ikkle twip.' Good on ya. Hope your melon is now untwisted vis a vi brown glove biz and that you are feeling a little better. If you want to indulge in some fearless, filthy, emotionally connected comedy, I recommend Fleabag on iplayer.

Heartened to hear of editing/lecturing/tutoring gigs.

Dismayed to hear of difficult times with DS BTM.

I'd like to ask about Christmas for the kids. So I do quite cheapy stocking stuff: impulse, Top Shop reduced £1 necklaces. Basically items of between £1-3. These are put on beds and are zoomed through before I'm up. Then, at the tree, there's The Thing I Asked For (cost varies) plus a series of inbetween things - up to half a dozen things like pj bottoms, headphone splitters, that clock up between £6 and £12 a pop. I love these things the most but always feel I've gone too far. How do you do it? I think that's what I'm asking. How many things do they unwrap? When? And how much do you spend?

Love the idea of Starbucks gift cards. DD2 in partic will love that.

I think I have more time on my hands today than most. I am heading out for lunch later with dear friend. Am v aware that the editors' deadline for yay or naying on my book was yesterday, although my agent says they always need an extra week or so to get someone in marketing to read it or summink. I suppose it's good no one has said no yet. Her only news yesterday was that an editor from (not very) forrin contacted her to ask to read it as she had 'been hearing such good things she wanted to read it herself.' I now have Expectations, and am going to be so disappointed (distraught, inconsolable) if no-one wants it. Have been finding it hard to eat for weeks - unprecedented!!!

Hatty - been meaning to say for ages, I so enjoy reading your posts. Since you came to the Islington meet up, I feel like you come through so wonderfully and honestly.

Herbs - Helpful Friend is the pits, I would hate that. We all have those shitty committees in our head about what we could do better but to have a real life one is so grim. I think she needs dealing with firmly in some form.

Addle - mean meaning to say, I commented that I was pleased your DH had been a brilliant listener but failed to say I'm sorry you don't feel better about your job. I'm sure you're not crap. Is there anything you want to talk about on here? Also, yay Tuneyards. I saw her with sis at the Fridge last year. Top 'tastic.

Mrs Wobble nice FC Dress. Good inbetweeny one. Loafers and black tights? How will you wear it?

HF's latest missive (ignoring stuff sis and I said about dying MiL, seizures back in niece, etc) tells us that their generation just covers things up and doesn't tell their offspring how bad things are. (Obvs, this is not true for Mrs S's notorious mother).

I phone mum to get the lowdown, and she says all is 'as ok as it can be' and that HF is just being an interfering old bag. I presume the real truth of the matter lies half way between HF's catastrophising, and mum's denial.

Re leggings - Sainsbury's indeed. But the 'luxury soft touch' version, not the two-pack.

Re blonde, Rudy - why the hell not. That's what I say. Though highlights, not solid colour. And fairly ashy, not golden. Don't want the 'Gillian Taylforth effect', as it's known in this house, where the hair matches the skin.

Mad couple of days early next week, when I shall be true Jill of all trades, doing nothing particularly well. Adult ed first thing Monday, race to central London to do interview for website editor job, race back for DS. Tuesday morn first tutoring session of Brazilian academic who wants to improve her English. However, her written English (in emails) looks totally fine to me! Can I say that, and then hold out my hand for £25?

Herbs, where is your brother in all this?

Waf, thk you. Won't talk about job as I just go round and round but hair would be good. What shall I do with mine crepeys? To remind you is longish, straight and dark brown with lots of grey. It's not the hair but the face undervit, as it were.

On train to Swansea with tremendously vocal polish girl on next seat having cv vehement convo in polish with outbursts of English 'relationship goals' ... 'pretentious shit' ... 'you don't listen to me' being the most recent

Which crepey got the led nane signs? Cv? Where did they come from? Sounded brilliant

Excellent bursts of English Addle!

I too would love to know about light up letters CV

Woolovers have 20% off all the week end - felt it my duty to tell you all

Rudy, crepey cord committee liked Seasalt cords but I am holding out for sale. I have ordered some Land's End ones with 30% off.
Nice pressie links, Crem. Are you feeling better?

Herbs, I think I would try to ignore HF, perhaps with standard breezy email reply, "OK, thanks" or some such, if that might work, and delays before replying. I may have said this before but we had similar situation with df and one particular friend pushing us to try something innovative medically and basically saying we were not doing enough to save him. It was incredibly hard and hurtful but I am glad we managed not to fall out completely (god knows how, as it was all by phone).

WAF re Christmas for teens, I do stocking (items from £1 to £15?, but the more expensive ones include multipack socks, pants etc) and big present which is money usually. DS wants to buy an iPhone with his (putting his own money to it) and has asked me to wrap that for him. I might get some other items so DD has simething to unwrap too but I hate wasting money on crap/clothes she doesn't wear!

Addle and Rudy you both look fabulous as you are. But of course, blondes have more fun

Talking of which, just grabbed a coffee and cinnamon bun in a cafe by the park before I pick DS up for his appointment and there was a most charming young bit of eye-candy opposite. I am old enough to be his granny, of course!

Herbs , wot MI said

WAF, I have shifted to slightly bigger stocking fillers in recent years. Tho my bar was set low, including bargain string and bubble blowing sets. So now they might get (cheap) dvd, book, top, that sort of thing. And then less under the tree. This year we probably won't do stockings at all as we are away.

Hmm. Brother. As ever with families, tis a thorny one. He was adopted, and him and mum have always had a rocky relationship (may or may not be related to the adoption). In his late teens it became apparent that he had something strange going on, and was diagnosed as having aspergers. He has been living alone in London for 20 years or so, never contacting family or really 'doing' family stuff unless he's specifically invited. He had a routine of coming to family gatherings at parents' for birthdays and Christmas, which meant about five times a year, and me and sis would occasionally take him out for dinner.

He does not see what needs doing - cooking, tidying, looking after people - but will do stuff if asked. So having him for Christmas is something of a chore, as he'll sit in a chair, reading a book, while all around turkeys burn and people argue. He stayed for a number of days with sis one year, and when he left, when asked if he'd enjoyed it, said 'it wasn't as bad as I'd thought it would be'.

Since parental decline, sis and I have tried to impress upon him the change of circumstances, and to get him to help us with some of the admin. He either doesn't get it, or doesn't want to get it. I'm hoping that by spending time with them at Christmas he will be forced to confront it.

So. Complicated.

Stop talking about Christmas presents! It's blasted NOVEMBER.

"He does not see what needs doing - cooking, tidying, looking after people - but will do stuff if asked... when he left, when asked if he'd enjoyed it, said 'it wasn't as bad as I'd thought it would be'. " Dh's bro is like this. He is coming for Xmas as per every year; such a wet blanket. Dh has those tendencies, but if you give him a written list, he's like a puppy or a toddler on a treasure hunt, dashing around till he's completed all the tasks. I suppose you've tried the written list of tasks approach?

Herbs, if he is capable of living on his own and holding down a job? then he should be fine going to your DPs. Can you do what Molly said and give him a list of things to do every day which would be helpful?

I shall give him a list. And warn the carer to give him tasks, too, or he'll leave everything up to him/her. Mum tends to just huff and puff and wish he'd take the initiative. He's 48. He's never going to take the intiative. Just bloody tell him what you want doing FFS.

He is also likely to hang around for days, especially as there's no transport back to London, driving mum demented. I've always seem myself as the 'lubrication' between all family members, and without me things stick and stop working. Hence: guilt.

Herbs, I wonder if the other stuff about your sibling who died is also part of the muddle and guilt and sense of responsibility? Forgive me if I'm pressing painful buttons.

In a complete change of subject, I need something to wear on my feet when I go on my holiday Important Research Trip. Will be wearing mainly narrow Indian churidar and a long floppy kurta, but also need to be able to tramp around. Am thinking teva again. Any suggestions especially from the cheaper end of the range? Or do I want to do a Lalsy and go down the Merrell sandal route?

MI, I have worn these for two years now. Boys. Not quite as comfy as eg Teva/merrell but they are quite neat even on my vast and awkward flippers and for £6.50 worth having I reeckon! Few sandals are comfy on my - usually only ones costing ten times that.

MI, you are very perceptive. That is exactly it, and the factor it took a therapist years to get out of me. It is delightfully coupled with having two grieving and thus emotionally unavailable parents for my early years.

No doubt a major factor in how upsetting the HF emails are.

MI - are Birkenstocks a possibility?

Oh Herbs, .