A Crepey Advent-ure

[MontserratCaballe]

Over here, my darlings....

Totally agree with the storage thing MrsS - I struggle with the usual teen crap (mostly DD) everywhere, but that would drive me bonkers!

Rose, I'm not sure about Sat yet - if I can come it wouldn't be before 1 I think. It's hard to make plans ATM.

Mrs S, frankly, storage or move out or both. You can't possibly live there while all the work is going on. perhaps dh can, for security purposes, giving you all a bit of distance to rethink things. It seems to me that his stuff is representative of his intransigence on EVERYTHING. If he won't move on anything, then you will have to. I have had dh on the subs bench over this more than once. In fact I ordered him up a container that sat on our driveway for 6 months to enable him to sort shit out. In actual fact he just sorted shit about, but I can. I longer see it , which is enough.

Yes, doing extra shifts is categorically unfair, but it's a job share, so other half has been covering me while I've been ill. She is now ill, so I will cover her. It's complicated by operational need in that someone of my pay grade has to be there at all times. We are also working at full tilt, are understaffed, everyone is ill, and the only thing holding the whole shebang together is a sense of duty to prop up each other until it ceases on about 8th January. No , nobody cares upstairs , because things are EVEN WORSE up there.
It's a sinking ship my darlings and I will probably not last 2017.

Beach, so sorry you are finding Cahms difficult. Thinking of you and family. you too Monty

Drowning here...

Oh poor you, MI. It's feast or famine at the moment, I guess, with Christmas deadlines to add to the mix.

Feeling better today as I've been to the beach for a walk! Obviously dragged by stupid dog who wanted to insert a high percentage of his body down every rabbit hole in the dunes.

I'm sorry for all of you having Christmas without a beloved parent this year. Ours was tough as dmum had a Christmas birthday so it felt doubly sad. There was a lot of scooping ddad up and taking him places that year. It does pass, but I must admit, I've never really managed to do anniversaries, of anything really. My sister is the family date rememberer, so I sort of leave it up to her.

I love the 'warning of decommissioning husbands' flow that seems to be worryingly prevalent here. I'm not sure I ever give any warning - one day I'll just bugger off! No notice given!

Mrs S.... I'm not sure you can just decamp belongings to storage realistically. Can you see if he would like a 'sorter/ help with eBay'ing person come in... A great friend has a husband who truly believes that everything he has is 'collectible'... old toasters, numerous walking sticks, tonnes of books... their house is literally like the hoarders house on the telly. I once took all her children for a day on the promise that they would clear five foot square of one room. They did, but it didn't last.... I wonder if this is the real reason you are looking at overseas postings!

Beachy I think I have stupid dog's separated at birth twin here sigh

Have just had a bracing walk and back at the email.

Finally got a Christmas list out of ds which is a start...

Rudy.

I have ordered five (5, v) little Miller Harris samples from Feelunique for £3.95 - which you can then claim back as postage another time.

MI - Thanks for that tip off - have had a little Cheer Up purchase inc a couple of Miller Harris numbers in the mix.

I am not yet in my PJs, but supping Lidls Oriental Spiced Gin (thank you CV) - pepped up with half a squeezed clementine (half of my one a day)- and soup on the hob. Fell asleep on the sofa during 'Pointless'. Feel v guilty for 'wasting the day'. I just feel so doggone tired...

Can you tell I'm married to an over achiever?

Now off to peruse funeral inspiration... I'm going to try Pinterest first

Beachy - I am so so jealous that you can do beach walks with your DDog. Its one of the few places I feel truly content.

Cocoa, I was beyond exhausted the week after my mum died.

And indeed am now going to retire with a thriller

Hi All,
There's a lot of exhaustion and illness and sadness around Crepeys.
Dh is not on my reappraisal list - but sometimes worry I might be on his when I'm being particularly trying in his view! The rest of you seem to be in the opposite camp - not sure what that means - whether I have a particularly nice dh or am a particularly grumpy difficult old bag (or both).

Mrs S that level of someone else's shit would make me scream the place down. Does dh think it's fine? Or not fine but he can't sort it? Or not fine but he can't be arsed to sort it? Or what? Don't know how you can let it go. I would be on his back about it relentlessly. What happens when you say it's not acceptable?

Don't drown MI!

GGG - same here! I'm always worried DH is going to trade me in for a better model - much as I bitch about him, he puts up with a lot, really. Just thinking of you while I'm watching the London News - "the Great Flood of Islington."

Have literally just sat down for the first time since leaving work at 5.30pm. Lidl, laundry, cooking dinner, clearing up, collecting DH's car from Kwikfit, packaging up eBay parcels, helping DS with HMRC forms....ugh, now it's almost time for bed. What happened to my evening?

We've already put stuff in storage, but most of it seemed to be my cookery books. GGG - he doesn't think it's fine but won't get rid of anything. At all. His brother's loft is full of his shit as well (a large collection of music papers from the 1970s and 1980s, a telephone exchange plus no end of other crap). Very little of the "stuff" in the place is mine. DD1 is also a hoarder like DH and it drives me mad.

Had snotty email from DD2's school asking if we were going to give permission for her to go on some trip this week. I am supposed to check the calendar every week for possible events and permission slips - they no longer email out apparently. I want to say, I am currently in the office about 10 hours a day, I do not have the fucking time to click on every day in the fucking school calendar to see if there is something that requires my attention. Why can't they set up an email list? Oh and you see the event by clicking on the calendar for the day it takes place, which is a bit fucking useless if they want permission two weeks before.

Had conversation with That Colleague today (not quite sure how it came up) about being dumped in our youth. I was telling him about the trauma of being dumped by my first love. He asked what he was doing now, and I said he was dead - he'd died a few years ago. Colleague asked if/how it had affected me - I said it hadn't, beyond someone dying too young. But I was thinking about it tonight and have been howling.

Fed up with everyone and everything at the moment and wish they would all fuck off and leave me alone.

Had a lie in this morning - didn't wake till 4 (twas 3 yesterday) Can't stop worrying about DS. So fearful for him as he is going downhill fast. We have a clinic visit today and I am going to have to try to fight for what I think he needs, with him sat there [angry

No thoughts of dumping each other here AFAIK - too busy trying to cope without going under.

MrsS, tell the school in no uncertain terms, how crap their system is. You are paying for their crap service, FFS. Even our SE London comps do better with communications than that.
I agree with Beachy - it sounds like your DH needs more than just you dumping his stuff in storage. Does he realise he has a problem at all? Did you have to live like that in Paris and other postings, or is it just much worse here?

GGG I am pretty sure I am a pita to live with but dp just thinks he's in for the long haul and sucks it up. Maybe one day I'll come home and he'll be gone.

MrsS :( :( . I do feel for you, 10 hour days and no respite at home.
I am not a tidy person but I couldn't live like that - a friend of mine hired a skip and simply dumped everything. She had lived with half a triumph herald in the dining room for years...

Is it the time of year, our age, or what? Lots of reflection and sadness.

BTM the biggest {{ }} ever - I am keeping everything crossed for you and ds.

Ds is non- specifically unwell so another wfh....

Oh MrsS, that sounds hard going all round. My roommate at work had a "life laundry" person in a couple of years ago to help her and her dh sort themselves out. I will talk to her today and try to get details.

BTM, sending you huge hugs and lots of love. It must be so very stressful. When is your next appointment? Do you think they might need to admit him again? Am thinking of you.

How you today, cocoa? Xxxx

Am feeling a bit better today. Got loads done yesterday and dh a bit more civil. Dd bit brighter about school too. Long may it continue. Offering manly pats and/ or huge hugs to all who want or need.

Back later.

Mrs S, that sounds very hard and sad, and you sound stuck. Have you a RL person/mutual friend who could help?

BTM, thinking of you and your family xxx

DD both ill and v disappointed in her first expensive hair treatment (balyage? 'you never wanted to raise a blonde daughter'). Coughing all night in bedroom next door. Poor nights all round

Hugs to all - GGG is right. Lots of exhaustion and sadness on this thread

MrsS only you know your DH, but would it be worth suggesting that a lot of his stuff could potentially raise some cash? Would that appeal to him? (Spend it on fixing the house - but don't tell him that)

Would some of it be useful to a museum? Could you play on that?

TBH, I see you are an exhausted Crepey with better things to do than cajole your DH.

What about calling in a professional declutterer? Pass the job onto someone else? Sometimes getting a third party in helps.

Anyway, something for you to muse on...

In other news, having spent yesterday in Christmas mode, today is back to funerals. Appt with priest with DM, followed swiftly by appt at Registry office on my own. They say I should leave up to 40 minutes . I mean, how long does it take??

Now in contact with DS about coming home from Antipodean Gap Yeah to coincide with a rememberance service, and then getting him back out there. Crazy costs, but DM determined to foot the bill. After all, I have nothing else to do...

Luckily DH is out again tonight, so I can repeat the soup slurping, gin drinking and pyjama wearing scenario.

I keep meaning to have a long bath with Epsom Salts in. I have a large tub of the stuff I got off ebay. It has magical restorative properties. In fact, it would probably benefit a whole lot of us.

I may add that to my list of evening activities.

BTM - just rushing in to give hugs and send lots of strength. . Am thinking of you today, and hope you manage to get the care you need for DS.

Have DD2 back (she doesnt like the Brits - they just sit around watching I'm a Celebrity). Will find out more later. Am a bit submerged this week with the arrival of DD1, DD2 with BF at the end of the week plus the school panto.

Am hoping I'm not on the DH's replacement list

Gosh, a lot of sadness on this thread. Much sympathy, good wishes and crossed fingers from me for those who need/want it. Fortunately the Wobble house seems to be emotionally stable at the moment - which is just as well as we have no time for any other state of affairs. Both dh and I are crazy busy at work and have loads of evening events as well so we really don't speak at the moment other than by phone.

The dds are coming home over the next few weekends so we have military manoeuvres to get them and their belongings back to London. I know I should get them to make the journey by train rather than enduring the 12 hour round trip drive but they don't travel light and I'm too soft.

Dds and I had provisionally planned to go to Vienna next week but dd1 dropped out a few weeks ago and now dd2 can't make it either. I think dd3 and I will still go though as I am fed up of always being so busy that the things I want to do for me get squeezed out. I'm slightly concerned that dd3 may also cancel on me - she is completely absorbed by her upcoming interview so I don't want to ask until that's over but I may be mooching round a Christmas market on my own at this rate while chaos continues to pile up at work. But I'm telling myself that if I always sort things out I'm depriving the team of valuable learning experiences. And sometimes I almost convince myself.

Have a good/better day today everyone.

Addle, how are things with DH? And what is balayage? (off to google!)

Monty, glad your DD is feeling more settled - the first half-term is hard.

Thanks for all the good wishes - I will need to muster all my diplomatic (and non-crying) skills for the clinic this afternoon, and then be the one to try to convince DS...

Oh and MrsS (I know you are an expert on this), DS is desperate to find a Christmas Songs radio station for our journey to school - has to be on FM radio for the car!

Cocoa, I think they take you through lots of forms at the registrar - think I had death cert and then other stuff with a second person. Hope it all goes well and you get your Epsom salts bath.

Rudy, DH seems to be on a much more even keel thank you. Early days but an enormous amount of tension seems to have been released from the house and he doesn't seem braced for battle all the time.

Austria was good news? Given everything else