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Original poster

Being a bridesmaid - it is costing me the earth for dd to be one!

81 replies

mousiemousie · 10/02/2007 20:30

Dd is being a bridesmaid twice in May. I am thrilled for her!

Wedding 1 is a friend of my mother's who loves dd. She has not asked me to pay for dd but I feel it is for me to insist! The bill will be around £200 for clothes, shoes and accessories. Should I also contribute for the hairdresser for dd? Obviously we will be buying a wedding present too so this will be a pricy wedding for us!

Wedding 2 is dd's godmother who has only just decided dd is to be a bridesmaid. This wedding involves travel and accommodation. I can't really afford another £200 for the outfit for dd...but I guess I will have to!

Dp and I will not be buying new outfits but even so this is a big stretch financially for us! Does anyone have any advice?

OP posts:
ja9 · 10/02/2007 20:31

are you really expected to pay for her whole outfit?

pinkbubble · 10/02/2007 20:32

Have they actually asked for you to pay?

SoupDragon · 10/02/2007 20:32

Er... why have you insisted you should pay for her outfit???

gothicmama · 10/02/2007 20:33

I would expect the person who asked dd to be abridesmaid to pay for dress and hair and myself to pay for shoes and accessaries

also BhS do cheap burt nice dressess so you could buy neutral colour and use dress for both

pinkbubble · 10/02/2007 20:33

Surely if they have asked your DD to be a bridesmaid then they surely expect to pay!

MrsBadger · 10/02/2007 20:34

wedding 1 - don't insist, she'll have worked dd's outfit, hair etc into her budget already.

wedding 2 - don't be scared to ask - they may be willing to pay. Or for dd to wear the dress from the other wedding.

brimfull · 10/02/2007 20:34

I paid for my bridesmaids outfits and have been a bridesmaid twice and never paid a thing.
Why don't you suggest that you'll do your dd'd hair and if the bride is insisting she may get the message that you'd prefer not to fork out for the hairdresser.

DRop hints,like "could we look for second hand shoes on ebay?"

BuffysMum · 10/02/2007 20:34

Err I think you need to talk to brides an perhaps offer a financial contribution to wedding 1 but don't understand why you feel the need to insist paying and wedding 2 explain you cannot afford to contribute with the cost of travelling!

My bridesmaids dresses cost £12 each from tesco expect shoes to be £20 per pair but if someone else were footing the bill then I would have chosen to have something nicer made (x4 bridesmaids!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

janeite · 10/02/2007 20:35

My DDs are being bridesmaids this year. We only have to pay for their shoes.

LaDiDaDi · 10/02/2007 20:35

Goodness I'm really surpised that you are contributing that much in the first place without wondering if you should spend more.

IMHO you shouldn't be expected to contribute anything unless you know that the financial circumstances of the bride and groom are particularly difficult.

I don't think that your dd should have been asked if the couples were not prepared to pay for her outfit etc. I;m not saying that you were wrong to contribute just that it should not be expected or if it was then you should have been clearly warned of this before any hint of being a bridesmaid was put to your dd.

Radley · 10/02/2007 20:35

My dd was a bridesmaid and the only thing they wanted me to pay for was her shoes, they told me what colour style they wanted etc and asked me to get them etc so that they were sure they were the right size.

When I got married, I NEVER expected my bridesmaids mum to pay.

Fillyjonk · 10/02/2007 20:35

eh?

surely they should pay

SturdyAngel · 10/02/2007 20:36

I would not have let any of my bridesmaids pay for their outfits!! I chose the dresses and therefore I should pay for them! I had them made as I had a set idea of what I wanted. There is no way I would have made other people pay!

I really don't think the onus is on you to offer to pay. If people choose to have bridesmaids then they should fully expect to pay for their dresses. Maybe if they are adult bridesmaids who are chosing their own dresses it is different.

If you really feel you should contribute then offer to pay for her hair or shoes or something.

Original poster
mousiemousie · 10/02/2007 20:36

So far neither bride has asked for anything but I thought it was traditional and expected for bridesmaids to pay for their own outfits...and there are 2 bridesmaids at the first wedding and 3 at the second so they need to match each other therefore 1 dress for both won't really work!

OP posts:
yorkshirelass79 · 10/02/2007 20:36

Message withdrawn

taylormama · 10/02/2007 20:37

when i had my bridesmaids i got v reasonable outfits and spoke to the mums so it would be something they could wear again (as they paid). I paid for their accesories etc ... £200 sounds a lot for an outfit...

Fillyjonk · 10/02/2007 20:39

no, i've been a bridesmaid 4 or 5 times (only girl cousin...) and NEVER paid

only time I paid was once, for friend, as an adult, when it was all very informal and wearing own clothes anyway.

MrsBadger · 10/02/2007 20:39

and yes, I paid for my own bridesmaids' dresses and hair but not their shoes, and when I was a bridesmaid had my dress and hair paid for.

Try and seperate the specific being-a-bridesmaid costs from the you-and-DH-going-to-the-wedding costs. The former should be met by the bride and the latter you'd be paying whether dd was a bridesmaid or not, so you shouldn't end up out of pocket.

Original poster
mousiemousie · 10/02/2007 20:40

If I offered £100 towards the cost of each would this be either mean or insulting?

I don't want to offend anyone and this seems to be a social minefield...I really thought it was traditional for the bridesmaid to pay all their own costs?

OP posts:
LaDiDaDi · 10/02/2007 20:40

I was a bridesmaid as a child and I'm sure that my mum didn't pay for my dress. Similarly when I married ex-h we had 4 bridesmaids, 3 children and 1 adult, none of them paid for a thing.

A friend of mine is gettingmarried next year and has lots of young girls in her family so she is going to ask her eldest sister to pay for her dd's dresses in lieu of a wedding present.

NurseyJo · 10/02/2007 20:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MrsBadger · 10/02/2007 20:41

don't offer them anything!

stop now!

it's not traditional at all, you're being a mug!

Fillyjonk · 10/02/2007 20:43

It really depends how well you know them

but, if each dress is around £200...it must be a fairly posh wedding? so am presuming money isn't tight.

tescos...£20...

cece · 10/02/2007 20:45

I paid for all of my bridesmaids clothes and hair. They paid for their hair clips etc - whatever they wanted and their own shoes. But they were just black... so easy.

chlochlo · 10/02/2007 20:53

I'm having 3 bridesmaids at my wedding in may and I wouldn't expect them to pay for anything.
No I'm not loaded lol