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Original poster

Fringe or not when you're very plain

28 replies

Goingtobeawesome · 22/09/2016 10:39

I would prefer to grow my fringe out as I hate going to the hair dresser and can't cut it well enough to do it myself all the time. DH prefers me with a fringe but that's not the number one concern. However, I'm really plain and not in the least bit pretty. Just seen Holly on this morning with her new hair cut and I'm liking her side fringe, but she's pretty.

OP posts:
EssentialHummus · 22/09/2016 10:53

I'm not sure it's a prettiness thing - does a fringe suit the shape of your face? I have a huge forehead so could never pull it off.

Original poster
Goingtobeawesome · 22/09/2016 11:04

Neither way makes me look better. I look horrible both ways. Just wish I could be happier in my skin and not always have messy hair. Thank you.

OP posts:
LiquidCosh · 22/09/2016 11:36

Oh going please don't be so down on yourself. Your DH obviously thinks you are pretty. Why don't you try growing out the fringe to see if you like it then if you don't just cut it again!

trufflepiggy · 22/09/2016 11:39

I'm the opposite of hummus - I have a massive forehead and use the fringe to hide it!

It's high maintenance though

Original poster
Goingtobeawesome · 22/09/2016 11:55

I like hiding behind my fringe but that frustrates me as I'm not the worthless person people have made me feel so I shouldn't have to hide. DH prefers me with a fringe as he says it's better but wouldn't mind if I didn't. I think I need a new hairdresser. I like my current one who has cut my hair three times but I'm not sure she's good enough for my hair tbh. The cut is so quick I'm barely comfy before its done.

OP posts:
littlemissneela · 22/09/2016 12:13

After years of being unhappy with my hair, I have finally accepted how it is and what looks best with it, and also finally had a fringe cut into it. My dh and ds would really against it when I mentioned having one, but once I had it cut they agreed it looks nice. I started off with a wispy fringe but now I have a full one. I have mid to long hair which I usually wear up for convinience and without a fringe I felt I was very much a moon face. Now with it I dont feel like one. It is a pain keeping it short, though my hairdrsser does offer in between cuts fringe triming, I tend to do it (badly) at home myself.
If you are unhappy with your fringe, try growing it out and see if you find a length you feel happiest with it. Do you have a hairdresser who you are happy with? Mine is great and we had a good chat about what I wanted. I went in with a few photos of the sort of thing I wanted and she told me what would and wouldnt work. My fringe is a bit of a bother as I have a cowlick but its behaving itself.

It does sound like your fringe isnt the reason why you are unhappy though. It sounds more like self confidence issues, and that is something I think you should try to work on. Sounds like your dh is supportive, so talk to him about how you feel, and listen to what he has to say, and see if you can find a way through this.

Original poster
Goingtobeawesome · 22/09/2016 12:53

Thank you.

I feel silly wanting to look nice when I'm plain and there are more important things to bother about.

OP posts:
cheeseandmarmite15 · 22/09/2016 13:06

Have you tried the twisting technique?

I cut my fringe and I can honestly say it is perfect!

I've always chopped it straight across but it has on occasion not looked good!

The twisting technique is so easy, it takes seconds and my fringe has never looked so good!

Loads of videos on YouTube

littlemissneela · 22/09/2016 13:13

cheeseandmarmite thats just amazing! I will have to give that a go next time I need to trim my fringe Smile

clippityclop · 22/09/2016 16:26

What's silly about wanting to look nice? Who says you're plain? I bet you're lovely. Get yourself to a new decent hairdresser and have fun.

Corialanusburt · 22/09/2016 16:30

Go to the best hairdresser you can afford and ask their advice. If u live in Manchester, go to Reuben Wood.

Original poster
Goingtobeawesome · 22/09/2016 17:36

I've done a variation on the twisting but that would be better, thank you.

I've been to a mix of prices places and always feel rubbish. When it's all done I feel a bit like who I am trying to kid? It doesn't feel like me. I feel I have to be the scruff I always have but I want to look nice as feel all people see is my issues and I also feel I'm not worth it.

OP posts:
Openup41 · 22/09/2016 19:19

Goingtobeawesome - go for what you want. If a hairstyle is not the most fitting it will grow out. I am learning not to play it safe all of the time.

I have felt like you, especially when a teen. My cousin gave me makeovers and I washed my face off immediately. I looked pretty but just did not have the confidence to carry off the look. I was bullied, felt invisible and extremely plain. I did not see the point of dressing up until I got to 19/20.

I will tell you a secret - when buying clothes for work I stick to neutral colours. I avoid anything that stands out as I do not want any comments. I work with ladies so feel self conscious. When I go in with a new hairstyle I struggle to look my colleagues in the eye. Sometimes they compliment me other times not.

Original poster
Goingtobeawesome · 22/09/2016 19:23

It doesn't help that I'm just so useless. I don't know what any of the terms mean, I'm rubbish at doing my hair, don't have the time very often but it all comes back to feeling plain and not worth it Sad.

OP posts:
TheDevilMadeMeDoIt · 22/09/2016 20:12

Goingtobe you don't need me to spell it out I'm sure, but this really, really isn't about your fringe.

Are you feeling that just somehow, if you could get the perfect fringe with the perfect haircut, you'd suddenly be (in your eyes) beautiful? I'd class that as looking for a haircut to be psychotherapy with scissors.

Very few people are drop dead gorgeous - I'm certainly not. But we've been raised to value looks above everything else to give us validation. L'Oreal really knew what they were doing when they chose the slogan 'because I'm worth it'. They know that most women don't feel they're worth it, but it's worth the price of a bottle of shampoo to see if it will give them health, wealth and fabulous good looks.

Stop comparing yourself to Holly. You have a DP who cares for you, and you don't need a paper bag over your head to go into town to avoid frightening the children.

I'm not going to recommend a hairstyle. But I would seriously ask you to buy Breaking the Chain of Low Self Esteem and the companion workbook. And use them.

NameChange30 · 22/09/2016 20:14

Sounds like you need counselling more than a haircut.

Flowers
Original poster
Goingtobeawesome · 22/09/2016 20:21

Oh goodness. I wasn't comparing myself to Holly. I just realised I liked her hair cut and wondered if it would suit me. I know even if I had the same one I wouldn't look like her and wouldn't want too. I want to be happier being me. Believe it or not I have made little steps as things have happened lately that have made me think actually I'm okay and stronger than I thought but you know, nothing changes in a minute after 40 odd years feeling one way.

Tomorrow I'm going to try and feel better about myself and not allow any more pathetic wingeing.

Thanks Flowers.

OP posts:
DidILeaveTheGasOn · 22/09/2016 20:29

Definitely sounds like a haircut isn't going to sort this.
I'm a bit plain and a bit odd looking. I have a forehead And a chin that sort of battle it out to be the biggest, so I have a fringe (and maybe should consider a beard? Strokes chin) but I'm not a plain person. I was taught as a child that I was really ugly and I would be better off not wearing nice clothes. I only got new clothes from sale racks at the end of the season, but I only had PE trainers or school shoes to choose from. I felt very plain and horribly uncomfortable. My dh commented, on watching me walk through a room, that I gravitated towards the wall and sort of slunk along it like I was trying to blend in with the wallpaper. I used to bang into things all the time.

I think you need some counselling. I wonder if someone has given you the idea that you are plain and you can't wear nice things, or you shouldn't try to look nice. I think if you were to work on this, your life would be improved beyond measure.

I get ready in the morning and choose pretty clothes to wear. I have my hair coloured in a couple of shades which do me a favour in terms of complimenting my skin tone. I wear the make up I am happy to wear. I feel confident going out and about. I still sometimes for a moment think, I daren't speak to x person, or I can't wear y, I'm not good enough, but I brush past it. That voice isn't me, it's a tiny gremlin gasping its last.

Original poster
Goingtobeawesome · 22/09/2016 20:39

It's more that my parents abandoned me so I just feel worthless and then the many people who "looked after me" didn't care about me having clothes and shoes that suited/fit me. I know how pathetic this all sounds. I'm annoying myself now.

OP posts:
NameChange30 · 22/09/2016 20:42

It's not pathetic. But you need counselling.

Sendraboots · 22/09/2016 20:49

def go to the hairdresser for a fringe cut, it's so hard to do yourself whatever technique you use! I just like mine as I can't stand it flopping my face. It also gives a nice frame if you want to put it up etc.

OCSockOrphanage · 22/09/2016 21:00

It sounds as if you doubt your right to exist... You Do. But it is up to you to start somewhere on proving to yourself that you know that. The hairdresser is a good place to start. But please, ask for recommendations and don't try to find the cheapest. Hairdressers have a price hierarchy for a reason; the best can name their own price and still fill their chairs. Doubt celebs are waiting in line for the next stylist at (you fill it in). But your money is as good as anyone's and they are duty bound, for professional pride, to give you their best shot. It may change your life, give it time, and be gentle on yourself.

Greenglassteacup · 23/09/2016 06:16

I think this book might be helpful for you. Overcoming low self esteem by melanie fennell.

Original poster
Goingtobeawesome · 23/09/2016 08:20

Thank you. I'm going to remind myself I'm just as allowed to be here as anyone. It's just been a really difficult few years, horrific six months and I haven't dealt with stuff from childhood. My mother went to have me aborted and only kept me to keep my dad and when it didn't work she abandoned me so...

I can't let it define me though. It's rubbish but it's not me that is rubbish.

OP posts:
Liiinoo · 23/09/2016 09:49

There are two issues here.
The fringe thing - I think most people look better with a fringe. In your case your DH likes it and he is probably the person who sees you most often so I would trust his judgement. If you are really as plain as you say (and I doubt you are), making the most of your hair and getting that as flattering/shiny etc as it can be seems a sensible thing to do. A lot of people who are known for their appearance do this. They are actually quite plain/ordinary looking but because they are styled with great hair/clothes/make up etc we don't see the plainness , just the glamourous image they project (Madonna, Kylie Minogue, Victoria Beckham are three examples that spring to mind).

The other issue is your self esteem. I can identify a bit as my natural dad walked out of my life when I was about three and I have had huge problems with self esteem, feeling deserving and worthy etc. Therapy has helped a lot so I would urge you to consider counselling.

Believe me and the L'Oreal ad - you are worth it!