Summertime...and the Crepeys are easy

[motherinferior]

With much love to BD.

(We are going to county cork btw in frugal manner.)

At AirPort waiting for delayed flight - easy let kept sending me messages saying the gate closing time wouldn't change lying bastards. Still, tapas and cava at lunchtime numbing pain nicely.

BD, it is odd. I am a committed atheist but I have found the funerals of people I love undo the distancing (my recent hoo haar involved a bereavement) - but the gap between the initial shock and whatever form the rites take is such a strange, steely grey half life. I hope you can take some time off.

Well, did has admitted that se has had a lovely time despite the heat and bits of grumping. This is a massive advance. we slightly by accident stayed in the sort of hotel where they look after you and things are made easy. Not our normal style but I could get used to it!

MI here it comes, build your bunker, load up your kindle and et some good headphones. Teenage daughter arsiness towards mothers, summer holiday would be incomplete without.

Crem, lie down and drink lots and sleep.

Came back from Rome feeling much better, till I logged on to work e-mail the next day. Workplace reeling from serious incident. Have tried to hang on to some of the benefits of holiday rest, whilst propping people up as much as possible.

Thanks for Rome tips: what an extraordinary week! Loved the Borghese (gardens and gallery); Gianicolo; Trastavere & the tiny cloister at St Onofrio, which, to be honest, we liked a lot better than St Peter's (true of S. Maria in Trastavere as well). We had to be super-selective at the Vatican museums & still felt a bit overwhelmed. Walked miles and exhausted ourselves, then recovered in little shady bars.

DD had a fabulous time on the orchestra tour & has entertained us with lots of funny stories. She also came with us to the Prom last night. It was chastening to realise how topical A Child of Our Time feels at the moment.

BD, I definitely needed time off after DM died. You probably haven't slept properly for weeks or had any time to focus on your own needs. It's not as though you can be on 'light duties' either; if you're there you'll no doubt be expected to cope in any crisis that arises.

What ho crepeys. Another boozy lunch with old chums. Two of which are planning to leave London to open a tea room in the Lake District. Which takes the total of old friends leaving the smoke to five (not including partners and children), and leaving four. Is there a message here?

Re Rome, all you experienced 'when in rome'ers, what do you recommend for a day in the city, introducing small boy to historical delights, in August, in heatwave? I'm thinking necessities include: near station (from the south), lots of shade, lots of ice-cream stops, nothing too vague.

Herbe, Rome has a metro!

BD - do take some time off, and if bereavement leave is not enough, take annual leave or get the doctor to sign you off with stress. Because it is all very stressful.

I have never been to Rome, but other cities with small children, I would say, try and have a swimming pool in the hotel, or find a park with swings or something. Hot cities are really exhausting and dull for children, and they get hot, miserable, bored and whingey very quickly. And don't try to do too much.

Quite a lot of our friends seem to be splitting up after 25+ years of marriage. One of DH's friends has dumped his fiftysomething wife and has moved onto a twentysomething who is two years older than his daughter. In fact, that seems to be the pattern, now I come to think about it. Apart from one friend who left her grumpy husband for a hot toy boy. He has no brains, bless him, but has a body to die for.

So the plan is a memorial service rather than a funeral. So funeral directors will do necessary re cremation and then we have a date for the 'send off'. Which will be a celebration of her life rather than anything religious/quasi religious. My dad likes this plan, as do my bros. we have couple of weeks to sort it.
I think she would like it.

I do think one needs some kind of farewell ceremony.

MrsS, one can get conversation elsewhere .

Sounds like a plan BD and a good one. Pleased to hear you and df and db in agreement. That's got to be a good thing.

So many separating friends - sounds a bit disturbing Mrs S.

I think I need to look elsewhere for conversation as well - DH has been lying snoring on the bed for the past two hours. AIBU to refuse to clean up the kitchen - I cooked dinner, someone else can clean it up (I am a very messy cook). Given that he thinks I am going to run off with someone else, he might, I feel, put a little more effort in, if he wants to prevent this from happening.

Herbs, the Borghese gardens have a little zoo (we didn't go); a terrace with views over the whole of Rome; fountains; a cafe; bikes and pedal carriages for hire; a boating lake; fantastic ice creams and a little land train that does circuits.

I don't know how people cope with young kids in the crowds at the Colosseum, Pantheon etc.

Thanks for the new fred, MI (coming to it a tad late!)

Glad to read that you're bearing up, BD.

Have all Crepeys heard of Silver Splitters? They are women who decide they cba with their dhs any more, and quit. To live on their own, or with other women, often. This is a more encouraging picture than women being left by stupid old men who get off with twenty-somethinks.

Good that the family are in agreement about DM's send off, BD. Whilst I agree about the time off to grieve, I think it does depend on you as a person. My DM died on the Friday morning when I was at work: I was back in the classroom the following Monday and then just took a day for the funeral. It was what was right for me, and that's what was important.

MrsS, the rule in this house is that whoever cooks does not tidy up/wash up, etc., it works for us (especially as I like cooking and hate the aftermath!).

Crem, how are you doing now - are you getting better?

Swimming, Aquafit this morning and then a mini mani and pedi this afternoon, so quite a 'me' day today, getting ready for, possibly, all four DGC tomorrow, although not for all day.

My problem is finding respite from "conversation". Sometimes I wish everyone would just shut TF up!!

Agree with NU in that there's no one size fits all for grieving. Whilst if I was employed as such, I'd certainly have taken compassionate leave, (in the event I had to cancel 2 weeks worth of classes) however, being forced to "sit" for the full week was too much for me and I would have liked some normality and routine back in my life. The memorial service sounds good BD

lalsy hope you got away...and Auriga welcome back!

DS2 is at the airport awaiting a flight to Amsterdam with his friends. DD starts a week volunteering at the theatre today. DH overslept and hadn't unlocked the door so the cleaner couldn't let herself in .

Can the Crepeys who were interested in a Norf London day time MU confirm? I think we were looking at Wednesday lunchtime or Thursday from 2pm. GGG, Herbs MrsS...anyone else?

I am at work this morning but feel very spaced out. I will see how today goes and perhaps ask to wfh as I don't want to stop completely but really don't want to face a barrage of questions and sympathy.

I wouldn't do (hot) Rome with a small child personally, I find hot cities bad enough as an adult......

I am hankering to book a week away but every weekend now has something in it making that impossible.

MrsS I do wonder why you stay.

Colly - I saw a whole Parisian apartment block reserved for single women over 50 - some were Silver Splitter, some had never married - it was just for hassle free living.

BD - sometimes - it is just better to get back into routine.

Another who wouldn't touch Rome in the heat (having already done so).

Had a lovely evening with dear friends last night. I was driving so only had one glass of wine, so was coherent and chatty at midnight still. Maybe I should make a habit of this - although my chattiness does depend on the company - I could have been slouched in a corner thinking it's past my bedtime.

I do think grief is very personal and also quite dependant on the circumstances. When dmum died, there was a huge sense of relief as she had been in pain, mixed in with the sadness. Also the whole family was together for a bit, sorting dad and making plans. It was quite nice, in a strange way.

Re Rome, we're not actually staying there, but in a lovely villa 1.5hrs away by train. But felt we ought to nip in by train one day, and at least see some of the sights....

DP found when his mother died - and, I think, before that with his father - that work was a much-needed structure in his life. It is so personal. And I too (as you know) felt a huge relief that it was all over, for all of us. (Even my father did, really.)

BD, can you cancel stuff - frankly people will understand under the circs - and ruthlessly book that week?

Mr Inferior varies with conversation, frequently preferring to bugger off to another part of the house for a bit of peace and quiet (though he did suggest a 'nap' yesterday afternoon which was slightly marred by DD2 knocking on the door and then running away clearly mortified by the shouts of "in a minute"-). DD1 is keen on conversation in a good mood, and suggested I come up to her room for a chat while she reorganised it, and DD2 joined us and it was all very good fun. I must remember this when the eye-rolling starts again.

Oh, and re meeting up this week, I am free whenever. But may well have DS with me. He is quite civilised, and can be entertained by his book, tube map, or whatever.

BD, definitely play it by ear - wfh sounds like a good compromise.

NU you are such a fab gran - all 4 DGC - go you!

Herbs, how is he in extreme heat? I think I would personally stick with a hotel/villa/campsite/whatever with a pool and the odd day-trip for cultural purposes. But then my two aren't mad for historical delights. They were checking with DH that he hasn't booked us into any museums in Vietnam. He hasn't. Yet

Re bereavement/grief. We all process things so differently, don't we. And what we need changes. And we don't know how we'll feel in one, three, six weeks time... it's just one foot in front of the other. Plenty of rest, not too much reliance on the wrong sort or amount of food or booze.

Herbs, new carer sounds like a breath of fresh air.

Here it's all nail polish and hair dye services to daughter 2. And d1 went on a seaside day trip (quite a far away seaside) with a mate and while Pokemonning, met a boy who sounds absolutely lovely who is coming to meet her in London for the day on Thursday. She is walking round beaming, radiating 'pinch me, I can't believe it.' He skyped her yesterday and she stayed in her dressing gown .

I am in bed with the cat and feeling rather Sunday-ish and need to shake a tail.

Have a lovely day Crepes.

Auriga, that sounds such a lovely trip!

Herbs, I have only been to Rome a couple of times but don't think I would do a day trip with small child in heat. AFAIR, not really a city for nipping. Are there some smaller Roman remains somewhere closer maybe? Might be less hot and confusing?

BD, as others say, do what feels right for you.

Hattie, that apartment block for Silver Splitters sounds rather nice. Sometimes I think a long garden with a row of sheds at the end for dhs would also avoid the hassle of actually splitting as well.

for Herbs

Thanks crem! I read that very article just this morning. Many shady options...