What do I need?

[HelpALostCause]

Beginning to panic. Night out on Friday with DH. First for over 4 years, second in nearly 7. Going to the ballet in London . I have a darkish blue, knee length (cocktail?) dress. Since, well, 4 years ago, I have put on 5kg and developed a tummy. The dress was bought before either of the DC came along... I bought some sports underwear the other week and DH took one look at it and asked if they were control pants. Clearly I need some. I know nothing about them. What should I be looking for? Do's/don'ts?

Shoes, feet have grown since I bought shoes. Thanks DD! But I can probably squeeze into a pair. Sandals? Closed toe? Black? Purple?

What should i wear on the legs? Tights? I have some fake tan brown masquerading as skin coloured (my legs are actually white) that my mum left last time she was here and I have some old black school tights from, ahem, 15 odd years ago. And the white stockings I wore at my wedding.

Make up, I never wear, but I'll look totally underdressed and inferior if I don't wear any won't I? Argh! DH once told me that no make up looks better than badly done make up so since then I've not worn any. I still have the stuff I bought for my wedding (someone did it for me) 10 years ago though.

What does one wear with a dress? I'm likely to get cold, can take a coat to go there, but inside, is a black scarf that I can wrap around me ok?

Hair up or down? Shoulder length, vaguely remember someone once told me there are rules for up/down depending on whether the dress has straps?

Can you tell I never go out? What do I need to do/think about so I don't stand out like an idiot? Very limited budget and only one morning this week, after hair cut, when I can shop. I need to know what I need. Is there any hope?

Where there is life there is hope .
I think control pants sound like a good idea. Can you get to somewhere like m and s?. I think tights most probably. Black and navy do look good, so black tights, fairly sheer, black shoes ( closed toes with tights) Hair definitely up in a messy bun, and I would wear pearl studs to lighten the outfit up a bit. You don't have to wear lots of make up. Moisturise with something like Nivea, let it soak in, then a bit of foundation, mascara and lip gloss.
Hope you have a lovely time.

Ah. Missed the hair cut bit. If you are happy with the cut, then leave it down. There are no rules really. Dress to please yourself, you sound lovely, so that will always shine through.

I think, though, you may not be comfortable or happy in your chosen outfit!

Could you stretch to a little black dress with a cheapish scarf/pashmina and a pair of shoes which fit?

Nude tights
Lip gloss
Mascara

Instead of squeezing yourself into control pants and a dress and shoes that don't fit, is there any chance you can go out buy something that fits? A dress in primark will cost you less than control pants in M&S.

Is your dh well up on fashion and make up? Mine wouldn't have a clue what we'll applied make up looks like and I certainly wouldn't change what I'm wearing based on an off hand comment by him. It's happened before where I've done something fashion wise based on something he has said, only to find that he has no recollection of saying it. Wear your make up however you like to wear it.

Well no burnished so I can only assume that I am absolutely crap at it! Problem with dresses is that I am a little over a size different between top half and bottom half so a dress is either too big and baggy at the top or splittingly tight over the bottom. The one I have is an exception. I, in my pre-child days, went to a store with a personal shopper. Tried on everything she threw at me until I mentioned this problem and she said "I know exactly the dress for you" and went and found the blue one which fits me top and bottom. Except for the tummy now.

My shoes have been boxed since we moved house, so I need to dig them out and see if I can wear them. New ones, I would have to go to the next city as no one here sells any to fit my colossal feet, and I just don't have the time to do that in term time.

This is why I hate going out. Its such a faff. You fight your way though it all and end up looking inept and out of place anyway.

Right hair down I can do.
Tights I think I have if they still have elastic in them
Black and navy go together - thanks
Pearl studs - you mean earrings, right? I don't have pierced ears, never got round to it!
Lip gloss, is that something fundamentally different to lip stick?
Light make up I shall trial today...

Going to the ballet in London. Sadlers Wells? ROH?

I'm going to say something I never say: jeans and a nice top. Or perhaps a light jacket and a camisole if you have such a thing. You honestly don't need a cocktail dress! And you would be boiling in tights. And look too uptight.

Certainly wear a summer dress if you have one that's flattering and that you feel comfortable in. But don't go overboard on "dressing up" - you'll feel out of place. No one will care what's on your feet. Dress for the season and for enjoying the performance!

I hope you have a lovely time .

And when you come back, please come and post on the relationships board about your husband .

Or, in other words, relax about the clothes - clean, ironed, summery is all that's needed - but take the opportunity to really concentrate on grooming. Hair, a make up lesson maybe, hands/feet, perfume ... If you have a lovely accessory - jewellery, bag, scarf whatever - take the opportunity to wear that - for the fun of it.

Unless (in fact, even if) it's a high profile opening night (or an outdoor classical music festival!) most people will look deceptively casual. Flickky eyeliner and vintage trainers ...

I also like the idea of jeans better. Oh and bin the husband white tights!

Your h sounds like a twat to me

Going to the ballet/opera nowadays is no different to going to the flicks, quite honestly. You'll see just as many people in jeans as in dresses. I second pp's suggestion of jeans and nice top. Dress as if you were going out for dinner with DH.

Plus. You haven't been out for FOUR FUCKING YEARS? Have you not had birthdays or anniversaries even? Or just gone to a pub together? Come on op. This isn't right for you.

I must say your OP makes quite uncomfortable reading. I'm slightly praying there's a really, really good reason why this is your second outing in SEVEN years.

Help, lipgloss is shiny lipstick, but you don't need to wear it if you don't want to, make up your own rules about what you like and what you feel comfortable doing and wearing, this is really ok. Nobody else gives a toss, honestly, they are mostly too busy worrying about themselves.
Agree that if possible and times and funds allow, go back to John Lewis, or wherever and either get another dress or top.

Enjoy your night out. Be yourself.

Its at the RAH. Ive never been there before, but the pictures look scarily glamorous!

This is our anniversary. We've no-one to watch the DC. One has SN. As its a significant anniversary, IL's have offered to take the DC. But it is very much a one off. We also don't have a lot of money, so going out to eat just isn't really an option.

As others have said, go in something you feel comfortable wearing.

I've been to the ballet and some theatre shows, including a visit to the west end a couple of days ago. Most people wear nice tops, jeans and everyday smartish clothes nowadays

Whatever you wear, enjoy the show and your evening out

I think a cocktail dress is way over the top and not necessary for the ballet!

What else have you got. A summer dress or say dress? Good jeans and a jacket?

Having a child with Sn might explain why you don't go out together often. It doesn't explain why you have only been out once in seven years - you could go out seperately with friends or family.

Not having a lot of money explains why you don't go out expensive places often . It doesn't explain in why you don't go out cheap/ free places - round to a friends to watch a movie, drink coffee or have a take away, walk in the park and buy and ice cream , day out at the beach with a picnic .

And your husband's comments about your make up and underwear sound.....unhelpful.

Please come and talk about this on the relationships board sometime

No other dress except a bridesmaids dress and my wedding dress. Might be slight overkill! I have a linen skirt somewhere and a funeral skirt. Jeans I can do. Jacket, I have one but its more business jacket than going out jacket.

We do go out separately, maybe once or twice a year. We've just not been out together without the DC! When we do the going out to cheap places, walk, park etc then we go in the day as a family.

i was thinking about you at the gym
I think maybe you are using the money as an excuse? kind smile
Do you LIKE being with him?

What do you wear day to day? (Just to get an idea of what you might want to wear "out".)

I went to the ballet at ROH a couple of weeks ago in my jeans! And I definitely wasn't the only one. We were in the cheap seats though.

Wear something you'll be comfortable and confident in, even if that means buying new (if you can of course). In the nicest way possible, no one will be noticing. Then focus on having a lovely (and by the sounds of it well deserved) evening out with your DH