The Crepey Buds Of May

[GiddyGiddyGoat]

Err, how did that happen with no one noticing!
It's because we're all on the dark and stormy, sloe gin and prosecco innit.

Sorry for the not v inspired title but I panicked.

Waah! Holey-moley-fuck-a-roley! What a week.

Dd has had a 'disastrous' start to the written exams with a 'terrible' first AS retake. She has, however, cheered herself up by watching the v sweary "Hitler comments on C1 maths" mash-up which a friend of mine shared on FB, and being an A1 chicken nurse to our top chicken, who was cut open to get rid of foul (arf) pestilence on Monday. Who knew chickens could tolerate major stomach surgery with just a local anaesthetic and a look of slight surprise? Chicken keepers: do not let your greedy bastard birdies eat excessive amounts of pasta. It will not end well for your bank balance. Partic if during exams and concerns the dcs' favourite chicken.

I have been mainly doing Dissent at work. Today, I had a lunchtime meeting with an Important Person and pulled not one punch. The IP agreed with me on several issues and used rude words (which made me chortle and may have kindled the beginning of a light crush ). I do not, however, hold out huge hope for a magical solution to my work woes, but feeling listened-to by a senior person is a great mood lifter, at least. When I fed back some of the content of our convo to my colleagues, one said "Ah, I'm glad you clarified that stuff; it's been a problem for as long as I've worked here." (8 years ) I hope that I will not get The Chop and end up down the Job Centre for Fomenting Discontent. He did say if a 'proper' job came up for the full five days etc would I be interested and I said yes. Even though I will then prob sell my house and leave dh and ds to live in a hole, because they are useless bastards and do no housework and expect me to do everything. Feh.

I had to drag dd to a meeting with a financial advisor on Monday to sort out what is happening with her inheritance (all v weird when the rest of us will still have no ££ and be living on cat food and insects), and she asked the advisor to reinvest the whole lot!! Woot woot, all my efforts at financial education over the last 11 years have borne fruit! Am further dragging dd round various financial institutions to sort out other stuff. And then looking at my account and checking out the tumbleweed blowing through it. Will seriously do things a lot differently in my next life.

Gawd, MrsS, I have no idea how you have not brained MrS with the nearest heavy object. I mean, MrStrops is not even allowed to get away with making slightly disparaging comments about StroppDog. As for saying "It's just a fucking cat".... There are not enough angry emoticons for me to convey how that makes me feel on your behalf. I hope things go ok at the hospital. I have recently had to have the 5th lot of cancerous nasties chopped out, but it is only the slow-growing type (BCC). I can only imagine how stressful it must be if you have the more vicious variety. :(

MI you are a damn hero. Do you know that?

Auriga, I am so sorry to hear that you have such nasty back problems. Wishing you better very soon.

Hugs and kisses to all crepeys.

Query: I have visitors from far away coming tomorrow. Or at least, I think I do (they have not been in touch during their road trip). This is an old friend from when I was at university in Germany - and her new-ish husband. We met them (before they were married) when we went on hols to Germany a few years ago. He is Muslim and she has converted, but they haven't told us anything about any dietary restrictions. I'm now suddenly worried that I should have asked. Should I? (She is Anglo-German and was previously a v. keen sausage-eater. As it were.)

LOL at catfood and insects, Stropps.

I am very sad about the Shitten, not least because she hates her box and it will be a stressful journey, with much yowling and panting. If she doesn't settle, she is coming back here, no question, and if DH doesn't like it, he can leave. I have done much shouting at him in the past few days and he seems a little contrite. I want to bang his head hard and shout "HELLO. POTENTIALLY LIFE THREATENING DISEASE, NOT A WART OR BLISTER." I am supposed to look sympathetic when he bangs on about his sore throat and how he might have to have his tonsils out. Big Fucking Deal. I am going out on Monday evening and will probably get very drunk indeed. This is unwise, I feel, but may be cathartic. DH is not coming. I am going out with work colleagues.

Bollocks. Have just heard from guest. Appaz halal meat is required. They are bringing some chicken with them for the first night. There are no halal butchers within 30 miles in rural Dorset. Are cheese sandwiches an option for day 2?

Stropps, must be the day for it! I felt soothed by talking to my IP, and made some risqué jokes - including referring to the atmosphere if the deserted offices as being that of soviet era Berlin, complete with spookily vacant desks. I too developed a light crush.

Mrs S - good luck n you for shouting at nonDH. Next stop - physical pain.

Soz for my tragically ethnocentric posts, but my rural location doesn't give me the same access to ethnically diverse grocers as some people may have.

Herbs, I meant to type "slight crush", but "light crush" seems somehow slighter ruder and therefore more appropriate. I don't know why, but it may have something to do with, er, not getting enough. I seem to have upgraded from double entendres to triple entendres lately.

I CBA with marital relations, but do seem to get the odd external crush. This probably isn't good.

We have more halal butchers round here than you can wave a drumstick at. Perhaps I could start a postal business, sending meat in a chilly Jiffy bag to Dorset.

Oh yes indeedy. To both points. How much is your express charge? (point 2)

Hiyall
Stropps I love your lengthy posts - you have a gift for telling a good story. Very relieved for you all to hear of dd's sound attitude to her finances - even if it doesn't help your cashflow any. You must be v relieved...

Re halal folk if they need halal and deepest rural shire won't oblige (unsurprisingly) they will have to be veggie for their duration as guests. You can simply add non halal meat additions to any shared meals can't you? You are kind to have them to stay don't be stressed about it (or flatten any bins).

I find that my sad obsession with rudités (like crudités, but fewer calories), enables me to understand the mindset of my pupils, as most of them are 12 year old boys. Oh dear.

Yes, GGG, the Guests will have to endure tofu. Or possibly fresh fish. Or does fish have to be halal as well?

Definitely stay veggie. Presumably no shellfish but other fish fine, I think - isn't it much the same as kosher rules, being essentially the same prohibition?

And also presumably no booze?

I just came in from choir to find poor old DD2 had stubbed her toe and the nail is falling off bloodily and repulsively.She is a lot braver than I would be - off to GP tomorrow (because after all I haven't had to deal with medical professionals for a whole fortnight and it would be dreadful if I got out of practice). Am self-medicating with a G&T after this and also after the many commiserations about my mother, which are upsetting for a range of reasons, not all of them edifying. And I am sort of slightly realising that I quite miss her too.

Mixed emotions are the most difficult type, I find, MI.

Apparently booze is acceptable for my uni friend, but not for her dh. Dh says he noted this when we met them last time. This is the sort of thing he remembers, apparently. Unlike being asked to hang the washing out this morning. (whaddya mean, petty?)

Not as far as I know....just do vegetarian food. I'm sure they won't expect you to run around looking for halal meat, Stropps

Best of luck for tomorrow, MrsS No... I doubt we'll be casting him....he was delightful, it must be said. But completely miscast...his character is supposed to be a Hindu from Kenya. Hopeless casting by Annoying Trustee.

I now have to sit up waiting to pick DS up from the station....he's just texted to say they're still in the restaurant in Camden Town.. and having a very nice time. Thought he might have left by now....

God yes, mixed emotions - always unedifying, gah. Brave to acknowledge them, though.

Have read back about the SCC appointment, MrsS, and completely see why going in to work in order to round up drinking pals is a sound idea.

Good luck with your appointment tomorrow Mrs S and for a safe journey North with the Shitten. It's a lot to deal with and you deserve support not crap from 'd'h. X

Mrs S I know I am very late with this suggestion but, fr a smallish fee you van get a feline sleeping tablet from th vet. I have moved my kitties round a fair bit and wouldn't sit in a car with a jog, without medication . < 'e and cat both>

Stropps you are a funny thing ! I did laugh at your post.
And also at Herbs, you loon.

MI, I thought the obit was rather wonderful. Of course you miss her. Get thee to Italy pronto.

Jog =mog.^^

Hope your appointment goes well Mrs S. I am thinking of you .

Mrs S - good luck with your cat voyage and well done for giving DH a dressing down. May he reflect on his behaviour in your absence (and do a bit of hoovering).

Stropps - sometimes you never know with exams. DD1 had her first exam was alright and everybody else thinks it was awful. Now she thinks she's missed the point. You can't win really. That's great news that DD is reinvesting and not squandering her money. A wise business head may be developing.

Dietary requirements - I could accommodate for one meal but I do think if people visit longer than this they should meet you half way - especially if you are in the middle of nowhere. We had Jewish friends for Christmas lunch and they said they were OK with a non halal turkey - just no pork or shellfish. I hate the halal way of killing anyway - poor beasties.

You could always tell a white lie

MI - I read your DM's obit on FB - she sounds like quite a woman. I understand now how you found that hard to live up to even though you are pretty fabulous yourself.

I am exhausted today - DH is at his parents' this weekend as he had meetings nearby on Friday and Monday. I'm going to have a quiet weekend to myself (well with DD2 and DS).

Thing is, most of the public face of my mother is one I didn't know. She took up that career after I had left home: my memories of her are as a very unhappy and frustrated woman in a tedious job. What she did do was insist on being the most beautiful/thin/charming woman in any room - I was brought up to believe she was literally the most beautiful woman in the world. And she continued to be very, very needy and dependent on adoration and everything was All About Her; one big reason I never topped myself when I was depressed was that I really couldn't face coming too in a hospital to my mum saying "Oh, this makes me feel so terrible".

So the public/private split is acute. I didn't grow up with or know that person being celebrated for her skills in a language she didn't even teach her daughters.

And I was an acute disappointment to her, I always felt, on account

...acc

...account of being so fat (my size was a source of acute family shame from when I was about nine) and my refusal to get an academic job.