29 crepes a leaping.......

[magimedi]

Well, I've grabbed the bull by the horns & am leaping into the new thread........

Felt very sad no one else had started one whilst I scoffed dined.

If no one like the title I am more than happy to have it deleted & go with anything else.

DH has taken over the catering for the month of February......... the food is good but the angst is another matter

But what are they resenting you for?

I mean, I have ranted about being taken for granted by DP when he's off. But he comes back and puts the washing on and produces food.

Sorry, that was all round the houses because of course you're being expected to do it all. I meant that there is a reasonable division here. It's not perfect but it is a basis.

MI - I think he resents me for the fact that my career has taken off, whereas his hasn't (TBF he could have done something about this), and whereas 10 years ago we were earning roughly the same, I am now earning just short of double what he earns.

And yes, there needs to be a better division of labour. I think he would like a housewife... I am leaving dinner for him to sort out when he gets in with the DDs later. No doubt he will ask what I have been doing all evening.

Rose - my appointment's at 0930.

On more cheerful news, one of my work colleagues has a brother who is a publisher, and he is sending him my first novel (he has read the first couple of chapters). Apart from my boss, I do have an excellent set of work colleagues.

MrsS....... Molls and I, and anyone else who's joining us don't plan to meet til 11am. No pressure, no expectations, but will PM you my mobile number xx

*MrsS8 - I honestly think that you should stop putting up with such crap from your (D)H. If mine behaved like that he would be an ex.

I can totally see why you are putting it all to one side for now - but you can't do that forever - well you can, but...........

In other news, DS is v proud that he has had to put PFGD to bed for the last two nights without her Mum & boob & has done it. (DIL went back to work - shifts- yesterday). CO sleeping with mum has now stopped. (And about time too, says old fashioned granny!).

Fat fingers - I mean MrsS

Yes Mrs S. You've been "putting it to one side" for a long time now...

I think also that perhaps your monumentally awful mother has skewed your beliefs about what you are entitled to. Which, to quote the divine Aretha, is a bit of R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

You're right, MI, it's the lack of respect from everyone. A friend of mine from Paris gave me a box of delicious nougat just before I went away. I just opened the box, and someone has clearly been helping themselves as there are several empty wrappers in there. I've retrieved one of my pillows, but can't find the second one anywhere. How do you lose a pillow? It was on the bed when I went away.

DH has also put all of my toiletries and make up that were in the bathroom into a carrier bag, as they should not be "distributed round the bathroom." I have nowhere else to put them but on the window sill, as our tiny bathroom cabinet is full of his stuff. So I have "redistributed" it all.

Flipping hell MrsS I would be furious and am on your behalf! It's like he resents you going away AND resents you being there. Said it last time I'd have checked into a hotel and not come back till it was all sorted.

MI - a good analysis I think....

Ahhhhh, MrsS, sorry you had to come home to a pig-sty and a bunch of selfish feckers who are clearly thinking of no one other than themselves. And I'm afraid I disagree with anyone saying "men aren't good at xyz". They are no worse at stuff than we are, and we shouldn't allow them to get away with thinking that household chores are nothing to do with them (or that TLC is something that the female of the species should provide but not receive). Sorry, but in many households, the blokes just get on and do what needs doing, just as the women do. Even my drunk h1 managed the hoovering and could get some food in, ffs. Regular readers may be aware that my dh has failings in the housework dept, but this is due in no small part to the fact that he spent 30 years living in a ridiculous 50s-style setup where he just earned money and his first wife did housework and shopped.

13 years ago, he enrolled in a retraining programme which is ongoing. So you can teach old dogs new tricks if you are consistently fierce enough. I'll not have my dcs grow up thinking I am some kind of slave who caters to their every need and requires no leisure time. And personally, I can't see a point in spending my hard-earned cash on paying someone else to clean my house because the rest of the family can't be arsed to clean their own mess. I'd resent paying the cash while the family continued to believe in the Cleaning Fairy. I realise that others have very different views about this.
However, in your position, MrsS, I would be inviting the other occupants of the flat to a meeting tomorrow and telling the spoilt, lazy buggers exactly how their behaviour makes you feel.

x-posts with your last post, MrsS. Jeez, I would have redistributed my toiletries up his arse. With a mallet.

I second Stropps' toiletries redistribution tactic, house meeting plan and that men are no. Enter or worse than empathy/housework than anyone else. Why, I myself am a bit shit at empathy, but I know what I SHOULD do, and try my best to do it. Because I care.

Another plan for toiletry redistribution could be in your own bathroom in your own lovely flat.

Dd says she can't go on FB at the moment as it's too depressing. There is only stuff in her newsfeed about a boy who went missing last Saturday night in Weymouth. He was out clubbing, got separated from his friends and was last spotted around the beach area at 4am - very near to where I had to go and rescue dd from after her clubbing went wrong a couple of weeks ago.

The police divers have been called in. :(
We know the parents through dh's hobby. It is awful even to imagine the anguish they must be going through.

Strops love the redistribution/mallet....

And agree, men are just as capable. Like Herbs I lack empathy (bit of a cold fish) but again I try, I offer a shoulder and all that. I certainly wouldn't dismiss someone's fears/concerns..

Oh god Stropps how hideous for the parents.

Urgh, I am also not hugely gifted in the empathy dept, but make an effort all the same. And I know that I'm good at offering practical support in a crisis, so that's what I do.

Oh MrsS, he is being a total arse. With brass knobs on. I second Strops's suggestion of an "expectations exchange" with your lazyarse lodgers dear family; it's just not fair. And it's not just DH; presumably your girls have been home too, and are more than capable of mucking in?? Like others, I have a DH who is often guilty of leaving me to do the lion's share of stuff at home but he will rise to the occasion when I'm not around, in fact, it's almost a point of honour that the house is in better nick when I get back than when I leave.

Anyway, I have had a surprisingly enjoyable 49th birthday. You will be relieved to hear that DH and I managed our "prison break" without incident - it was a great adventure! We were a bit late arriving (because we had to go back for my driving licence which I left on the table), then couldn't find the carpark, so I probably wasn't paying sufficiently close attention to the random bloke who gave us directions as we rushed in. So we found ourselves on a tiny track right under the prison walls, and did an entire lap of the whole place in our car, presumably with a bunch of prison security guards watching on CCTV, going "WTF??!" We eventually found the right place - it was a real performance getting in, with photos, fingerprints (for DH, in case a different man tried to leave in his place) and removal of sharp objects, phones, chewing gum etc. Then, once past all the double-locked doors and gates - a lovely little restaurant. The food was excellent; the waiters were chatty and attentive, but lacked a certain....finesse. Soup of the day? "Errr....something and orange." Bourgignon? "Gravy, innit". But all in all, a great (alcohol-free! plastic cutlery!) lunch. Then, to round off the day, DD1 and I popped to Bluewater for a little ramble around the shops and a cheeky Yo Sushi, and I cam home to a lovely chilled bottle of Prosecco. Chin chin!

Sounds like a lovely day, CV! Happy birthday :)

Happy Birthday CV! Your birthday outing sounds... different!

When will you hear re job CV?

Happy birthday CV. Impressed at your lunch venue, what larks.

Mrs S

Er - when I said many men weren't very good at sympathy I did mean this as a leaned not innate thing. Cultural expectations of women as nurturing and all that.

And certainly agree re domestic competence. We have a cleaner, but before we did DP did all the hoovering.

^*Unimaginable, Stropps. How utterly sobering. I hope all is not lost, i really do.

Mrs S, a shake up of some sort is needed I fear, but it's utterly utterly unfair on you to have to 'organise' that as well. I think you have enough on for now. Get Tuesday over with ( and by the way, if Dh refuses to engage sympathetically at a time like this, I despair), and then the Law must be laid down. They are taking the piss. Instructions, specific instructions must be given. Inform^ him gravely and with typed up A4 handouts if necessary. Or get The BinCrusher Stropps to have a word in his shell-like.^
You deserve a whole lot better. I say this as someone who used to pretend she was fine, whilst propping up and enabling everyone else's happiness. *^
Down with that sort of thing...

^* proviso my Dh cannot cope without a list because of Aspergers, hence suggestion.

Rudy^^
BD and Rose, {squish} from me.*^
CV Glad you had a fun birthday!

Ok no idea why that came out BOLD.