All I Want For Crepemas Is Youth

[MrsSchadenfreude]

Phew

Oh Stropps :(

I think perhaps you have to tell DD she will need to leave home, you will not continue to fund her etc. whilst the details are different this so reminds me of my administrators situation - I think we talked about it once - and she had to tell her dd to go so that she could focus on parenting her (younger) ds. It was incredibly tough, but she felt she had reached the pint where there was no other option and she could no longer go on living in a war zone.

You MUST stay at DMs tonight for your sake - tell DH to man up and deal with ds - just make sure he knows you are there for him but you won't be physically home tonight. My ds is a real clingbot and hates me not coming home but sometimes I need a night out or a break and you really need that.

Much strength to you and {{ }}

On a totally banal note, I have just yelled at DS for sitting in the corner on the sofa with his headphones in giggling inanely at his phone. It drives me wild the time he wastes when he is incapable of completing a book because he "has too much work".

Strength to you Stropps xx Think you are quite right to go to your DM's; you absolutely must get some sleep. And I think it does indeed sound as though for the moment you've reached the end of what you can do at home for DD. Thinking of you {{}}

Oh - DS just texted an apology for being grumpy and said at least he doesn't call me a "mean pig" which is what the little girl opposite the bus stop just called her mother.

Stropps, you are sorted with your new job. You got it, you enjoy it and it will work out well. It's absolutely the right thing to be doing.

I appreciate dd won't see the psychiatrist, but if she's not ready, she's not ready, so the chances of him/her getting through are small. I assume that at some point, if she has another episode, MH services will have to get involved.

I think the inheritance adds another difficult dimension by blurring the independence line. Are there any strings, legally, that can be placed on that?

I would let the school enter her for exams etc. If she goes, she goes....

I'm not sure any of that helps, but ((())) anyway.

Stropps, nothing to add to the comments from Blackduck and Beachy, which are sensible. There are three more of you in this family, not just her.

A friend of mine and his sister lost their parents in their late teens, and had to deal with the inheritance at ages 18 and 19. He bought a flat with his, she basically pissed hers up the wall, going on holidays to the US, Spain etc, and taking a group of friends with her. It was gone in two years, as were her "friends", and as A says, that was when she had to do her growing up, get a job etc etc. She is fine and sorted now, but obviously regretful of having burned through the money so fast, and having nothing to show for it.

Stropps, another one in total agreement with what every one else has said, especially MrsS's comment :"There are three more of you in this family, not just her."

It is tough but there does come a point when there is nothing more you can do for people & you have to think of everyone else.

Another total agreer here. You cannot solve DD1's Stuff for her if all she does is hand over the responsibility to you and then push all the boundaries. Please stay at DM's. DS has his dad there. You need to escape.

And me too, agreed. The job is yours, you like it, it gives you stability and hope - that seems so important for you and your family, especially ds, in the long run. I think it has to be ring-fenced for now - you need sleep, space and time to make a go of it. I am sensing you fear dd may need to go lower before she comes up..? It is so hard, and I agree with others that there seems not much you can do for her right now. I don't think your plan is unreasonable, especially if it may encourage her to accept help.

stropps I hope this doesn't sound silly but given that discussions tend to end in shouting or stonewalling, when you're at your DMs tonight, in a quiet moment, write a letter to DD and set out your terms going forward. This feels particularly hard, now I think about it as we're supposed to have unconditional love for our children and now it's becoming conditional. But, tough love is not about losing love, it's about somehow keeping it but not accepting the unacceptable.

Write to her and tell her that the deal is she continues to stay home and either goes to school or gets a job ( full time if not studying). In either scenario this will work unless she adversely affects the life of the other family members. Then, she will need to find a place of her own in this case, or if she refuses to do either of the above options.

You may or may not give her the letter but even if not, it might clarify things in your mind. One of my DSis's screwed up her A levels and got into a lot of trouble. She moved out into some squat -like hovel and worked on a market stall and in a pub, before sorting herself out. Im not sure to this day what role my parents had in it though. She didn't have MH issues but was probably doing a fair number of drugs.

What ever you decide, I send my love and lots of hugs xxx

My mouth is still sore but marginally better, and I'm going to buy an electric toothbrush. Tonight I am very much looking forward to going to my lovely NDN's book launch which is being hosted by her published, Macmillan. . Really pleased for her!

Crepeys: can I ask you lovelies for a bracing cheer-up today? I am slightly struggling. Nothing major: I suspect it is my usual dose of mild SAD which I dodged at its usual time, plus stuff with my mum, plus picking up everything in the past couple of weeks (which is utterly pathetic, I know) plus, well, all sorts. Worry about work. Worry about my book. Day to day guilt about parenting failures. All I know is that I feel absolutely clobbered.

novelist

book

MI these are all good reasons to feel overwhelmed when each aspect compounds the other, and conspires to beat you down. It won't be like this constantly. The sun has just come out even though it's cold. Wrap up and go out for a bit. Whilst you're in a nice cafe after the walk, write a list for what to tackle today and make it manageable. When you get home look in the mirror and tell yourself you are doing your best which is better than most peoples' best, and you are an ace person. And all the Crepeys are delighted an honoured to have you in their lives. Xxxx

now I'd better go and take some of my own advice

I've already done a 5k run!

MI, cheering thoughts coming your way. It is very hard as a freelance to know what to worry about/do first I find. Well done on your run. Do ten things then get some mroe air. Off to take my own advice and do my tax return.

Sorry to hear that you are down, MI.

I am the last person for belief in fashionable therapies, diets & woo but I really have come to believe that the vast majority of us don't get enough vitamin D, especially during a winter like this. I spoke to the local pharmacist & am now taking a 400m daily dose & am hopeful that it will help with the wretched SAD.

If you have the sunshine we've got here this morning I'd suggest getting out again & getting some of it on your face.

MI - you are amazing - you just did a 5K run - that is impressive. You are writing a novel - impressive. You seem to be dealing admirably with parenting issues - again impressive. Don't be down.

Also - do agree with Magi that a bit of sun and good weather can totally change a mood - or maybe it is vit D deficiency.

Now off to the supermarket - the excitement of my life knows no bounds!

I've been asked by a friend to edit his book! Mainly in a proof-reading sense, but still. He's asking me how much I'll charge... tricky.

MI you are fab fab fab.... you are clever and funny and articulate...... and you just did a 5K run :)

I do know the feeling of being overwhelmed (my week off was great but now I am playing catch up and nothing has really changed)

I know its a way off but are we still on to meet on 23rd? and is anyone else around for a mini MU?

You are all most kind. I am going to devote most of today to Literature, if I can. This makes me feel as if I am achieving something, mostly because I am.

MI when does your singing start again? Always good for lifting the spirits.

Last week.

There isn’t any research, AFAIK, that links vit D deficiency to SAD: natural light – which isn’t strong enough at this time of year to manufacture vit D in our bodies – is the key thing, though. (I do try to remember to take vit D as well, but that is because of its links to other, principally inflammatory, conditions rather than SAD itself.)

Stropps, excellent advice here already. All I would add , on the subject of inheritance.As you know we're in a not dissimilar situation. I appealed to the trustees of Dhs will and got the date of inheritance pushed back from 18 to 23. I'm so glad, given dds impetuousness, MH issues and the he she's propensity to piss it all away on gender reassignment.
See if you can do anything. Her getting the money now would not help I doubt.

MI, you are very brilliant I'll have you know. Winter is cruel and its harsh light makes everything stand out in sharp relief. I have taken to lighting candles to alleviate the gloom and forcing myself to clean out a drawer when my mind is racing towards doom. It is strangely calming to sort out and get on top of something small, and ultimately satisfying enough to regain a little control.
Love to you both.

Not dhs will, dbros will.