Argh, I am so tired. I have been awake since 2.30am worrying about all that I have done wrong (whatever that is) in my parenting and Wtf I should do now. Dd is not bothering with lessons or mocks and categorically stated last night that she is not attending the appointment with the consultant psychiatrist tomorrow. This means she is turning down the MH services last offer, so that's it and if she changes her mind later on, she will have to ask to be re-referred. No one can do any more. Dd is of the opinion that the school will still pointlessly enter her for exams and she now doesn't need to do anything until her 18th birthday in the summer, when she will get some kind of shop job, apparently.
I'll be honest: part of me thinks it would be healthier for all of us -including dd- if I told her she has to find somewhere else to live once she's 18. She apparently thinks she can do a little job a couple of days a week, continue to treat us like dirt, expect me to clean and cater for her, pay no rent and finance a car and party lifestyle out of her inheritance, having now given up all ideas of further training or doing anything much at all.
She states that there is no need for psychiatric help, as all her problems are down to the fact that she "hates school", and once she is able to leave school/education, all her problems will disappear. All the many millions of times over the last few years when I have asked her what she would rather do instead of school, she usually just shouts "I don't know; leave me alone" or "nothing. I don't want to do anything."
Dammit, crepeys, I'm trying so hard to get myself sorted with the new job, but I am on my knees. Have packed a bag and aim to stay with Dm tonight, as I'm barely fit to drive this morning, never mind this evening, but now ds is upset that I'm not coming home tonight. Seriously, I have tried very hard to be upbeat for the last few weeks. But I'm faltering badly now. 
Don't know which way is up at the moment.