Page 7 | Crepe Fear!

motherinferior · 15/10/2015 09:45

Oh Herbs. Time for a chat with Azheimers Society, I'd think, not least because they may have helpful suggestions of day to day strategies.

I am in denial about my thumping sinuses and runny nose. I do not have a cold. Oh no I don't.

bigTillyMint · 15/10/2015 09:49

Sympathies, Herbs. Would they consider moving into sheltered accommodation together? I only tell DM the bare bones of anything and then have to spell it all out plus dates so she can put it on the calendar, etc. Not sure what will happen if she can't manage that.

herbaceous · 15/10/2015 09:52

They've always said they want to stay in the house, and maybe get someone in to help. But there's no definite 'point' at which mum is going to realise that that help is necessary, is there. Each time I go home the house is dirtier, even though they've got a cleaner, and they do less and less.

Cremo · 15/10/2015 11:00

Terribly sorry to hear about other ailing parents. The question of "When Will They Realise?" Is a difficult and painful one. I'm so sorry about your mums , both Herbs and MI. My dmum is younger by 17 years and has plenty of oomph left, but is in complete denial about the seriousness of dads condition. She has been trying to get him to sell the house and move into something in a village on one level for donkeys years. Ddad is paralysed with indecision. I am the only one with any sway over what dad decides which means reinterpreting everything for him in a persuasive manner. It's wearing as both dmum and dsis both ecpxpect me to do this all the time. And then ddad feels manipulated. Poor dad.

Job decision is Option 1 which is to stay in job and move forward reluctantly with the new org. While looking sensibly for Another Job.
That is unless they can offer me a better sideways job with my current employer ( v unlikelly)

Noise dampening rug surely useful with house of teens watching sport? Would it work in that situation do you think?

Blackduck · 15/10/2015 11:47

Cremo - :(

Here it's been a horrible week...... off to GP Saturday to see what they can offer.....

Rosebag · 15/10/2015 11:53

By the time my DM accepted she needed help with my DDad it was too little, too late. I have learnt that they tend to throw obstacles in the path of realistic help and everything ended up as crisis management. The ideal of course, is to get the help in before you need it. But no one seems to do that. Acceptance lags so far behind reality, it seems. Good luck with the DParents MI and Herbs Its a tough road at times.

MrsS are you really well enough to go to work? Has sister signed you off? Sounds like a hard day ahead too... And what about other sick Crepeys?

My cold has sort of come back but I was thinking about Molly and wonder whether it's been exacerbated by me going off the rails a bit and eating too much wheat based treats. I am certainly bloated. I am taking my allergy stuff again as a result.

I have collected my click and collect JL parcel and quickly tried on the dress in the fitting rooms. It fits but my bottom half looks like a sack of spuds and requires serious controlling with foundation garments. I really do find Body Con dresses hard work. So I might not be sorted after all and feel like crying. first world problem alert
I have spent the rest of the mornings haring around the mall getting stuff for other people. DD has this shift and looks reedy and lovely in it.

I on the other hand...foresee tears before bed time. No time for any more shopping as teaching later. harrumph.

motherinferior · 15/10/2015 11:54

And I'm off, via search for pack of tissues...

Rosebag · 15/10/2015 11:54

DS has just texted to say Zack Goldsmith has just done a talk at the year 13 assembley. I wonder if they'll be inviting Saddiq Khan next week....

Rosebag · 15/10/2015 11:55

Cross posts. Soz. Will catch up later

magimedi · 15/10/2015 11:59

Acceptance lags so far behind reality,

So very true. I keep on saying that I will not be a burden to DC in old age, but I do wonder what the reality will be like, especially if mental capacity is impaired.

My sympathies go out to all of you with the AP problem - it's so bloody hard when you have to turn from being the child & into the parent.

Blackduck · 15/10/2015 13:00

MI - fingers crossed....

Here ddad is pursuing the memory stuff with dmum - which includes a battery of tests (ecg, MRI, bloods, you name it...) but they have their money on vascular dementia. The issue will be getting my mum to agree to hear the outcome of said tests...

Ho hum... life is not easy at the moment.

motherinferior · 15/10/2015 13:24

In trivial news I have mislaid my favourite red lippie en route to the station. Now on train. I should be working but can't focus.

CointreauVersial · 15/10/2015 13:33

MI, hope today goes OK.

Crem - decision made.....well done! Think positive and hope for the best in the brave new world.

Rose - I'm sure your dress didn't look as bad as that, but I have given up on bodycon for similar reasons. It's the porridgey lumps, bumps and knicker lines that I can't stand seeing. I had a lovely olive green Baukjen dress which looked sensational on the willowy models in the catalogue, but every time I wore it I was tugging at foundation garments, holding my stomach in, and generally feeling utterly uncomfortable and self-conscious. I flogged it on eBay last week for £29, and will in future wear only things which are "skimming".

Stropperella · 15/10/2015 13:54

Eh, challenging times all round. :(
Good luck at the doc's, BD. Hope you can get some time off and I am keeping my fingers crossed that a superb job opp will pop up soon for you.
Wishing for a superb job opp for Crem too!
MI, hope the news is better than expected.

Sorry for not keeping up with everything. Managing dd is turning into a full-time job. :( School are now being more proactive, but everyone is at a bit of a loss and muttering about the "unacknowledged MH issues" which are going to result in dd dropping out of everything if things carry on as they are. If dd agrees, we have a 3-way meeting with the HoY on Tues to talk through her realistic options. She also has a GP's appointment on Tues, ostensibly to talk about the need to drain the lump on her leg, but she is at least considering the possibility of mentioning the sleep issues she is having (and has had for many years).
She didn't go in to school until 11.30 today (but has no lessons until after lunch) because she was up from 3am convincing herself that she may as well drop out now, as her predicted grades will be too bad to get into university. We were supposed to be going to Birmingham for an open day on Sat, but she is refusing to go now, as she says there is no point as "it will make me depressed and I need a lie-in". Damn, typing this has actually made me a bit tearful.
I need to get on with my job app, but I'm having trouble on the old positive thoughts front.

Stropperella · 15/10/2015 13:56

Oh and the school are now properly (it's only taken them 4 years) on her case, as the 6th form attendance officer rang me this morning when she didn't go in. Turns out they have been trying a softly-softly kid glove approach with her all this time, as she has these MH red flags all over her file.

Rosebag · 15/10/2015 13:58

It's going back CV. Bottom half is too barrel-like and I think it will keep riding up during the evening. Died nothing for me. I agree with everything you've said about bodycon!

Rosebag · 15/10/2015 13:59

Did

Rosebag · 15/10/2015 14:13

Cross post...sorry, Stropps to go on about a stupid dress. Strength and to you xx

Lalsy · 15/10/2015 14:13

Rose, that looks fab but I can see it might ride up and you'd be constantly tugging it. It is the dress, not you.

Stropps, and the school didn't think to mention this approach to you?! Is there any chance a year off could work - the routine of a job (say) and a chance to catch up with work and with herself without pressure? And she could then focus on doing as well as she can this year, without the stress of UCAS and the worry about coping with university, and maybe she could redo one/do an intensive course next year in a college if she needs to. It also means she can apply knowing her grades, so she can be pretty sure of getting offers. I know quite a few dc who have done this but the school needs to commit to supporting an application next year.

This getting old thing is a bugger. to all with worries about parents.

bigTillyMint · 15/10/2015 14:21

BD, that's exactly what my DM had to have done, so you have my sympathies. PM me if you want to chat about it. I am also on the Elderly Parents thread where other posters have been enormously helpful - much easier to find stuff out from others who have been through the process.

It has taken about 6months to get the diagnosis of mixed dementia (both vascular and Alzheimers) but over that time she has got used to the carers, is on medication and things seem settled at the moment. She did find the diagnostic process hard and still has days when I call and she's cross about it, but overall it is better as we all know where we stand. I am sure there will be more difficult times ahead.

Herbs, I think you/siblings might have to be very assertive and get her to have carers who will do light cleaning and check food dates/help with bed-changing, etc. My DM finds an hour at a time is a good length of time - 2 hours was too much. We started with an hour twice a week, but we are reviewing it next month - not sure if I should make it 3 times.

And Cremo too. It sounds like you are pretty assertive with them already. Could you check out possible places to move to and take them on a visit too? Or have you already tried that.

It does help when you can blame stuff on "the doctors say that..." but I as an assertive type, I have been using my teacher-skills to get her to agree/see the necessity

herbaceous · 15/10/2015 14:33

Their food dates are ridiculous. I mean, I'm all for avoiding food waste, but they have orange juice cartons they try to give to DS dating back two or three years, and tonic water from 2004. I have to sneak loads in the bin when I go back there.

Stropperella · 15/10/2015 14:42

Ah, Lalsy, even dd herself says that a year off will do nothing to help as she doesn't feel able to get a job. She says that she knows she will do nothing in a gap year. I know that too. She simply isn't able to get out of bed in the morning and is constantly exhausted and when I try to encourage her to do the right things, she is irritable at best, but still avoids doing whatever it is, even though she will then agonise about the consequences. She appears brittle, fragile and ferociously angry by turns.
Even when she goes into school at 11.30, she comes home at 3.30 worn out and does nothing (apart from that one French essay!). Of course, she rouses herself to go out if invited out at weekends, but spends the rest of the time asleep/staring at her phone. We have had announcements from her of this and that positive intention (some of which I excitedly report on here), but she never manages to actually make things happen, because it all becomes too much and she can't maintain it. At the moment, she really can't see a way forward and, in all brutal honesty, neither can I. Unless she acknowledges that she needs to consult a doc/MH professional about the way she is feeling and accepts some help. Sadly, I don't think she is currently at a point where she is likely to do that and - if she can't work with the "rescue package" that the school are prepared to offer - things may get a lot worse before they get better.
All of my days are effectively coloured by what is going on with her. You can't actually disengage from someone who is clearly so fragile. Well, not if they are your child.

Stropperella · 15/10/2015 14:43

Soz, just venting because I'm so sad and have nowhere to take it in RL.

bigTillyMint · 15/10/2015 15:27

Oh Stropps, my sympathies. As you know, I know how you are feeling. Praying that the visit to the GP may bear fruit, but I am aware there is no quick fix. It is such a crap situation to be in

NUFC69 · 15/10/2015 15:47

Stropps, much strength to you and lots of hugs. I do understand that of course you can't disengage under the circumstances. Don't know what to suggest, but I am thinking about you and DD.

Also sympathies to those with elderly parent issues. I do think that it's rare for us to plan for when our health gets worse as it's a sign of our mortality and something we don't want to face.

I am glad you made the decision, Crem - let's hope something good turns up soon. And I hope get a good decision from the GP, BD.

My house is clean at last, and all the ironing done. DH is outside putting the garden to bed for the winter.