glamour holiday. I need serious help

[frumpyOnHols]

NCd for this as personal appearance details would out me.

Going on ultra glamourous holiday to a resort on an island. The climate is cool-temperate (i.e. not freezing, swimming weather, but not short sleeves weather in the evenings either).

The family members we're going with are appearance-obsessed, vain, shutter-happy and will take a bloody million photographs and then distribute them to the rest of the family and the world, along with a commentary on everyone's appearance. There is little i can do to change that situation without causing pointless conflict (if I try, I'm not going to change their point of view, just the atmosphere on holiday, and not for the better). So instead of trying to escape the sodding cameras, damnit, this time I am going to be in the photos and not hating myself and my appearance.

I routinely look terrible in glamourous contexts, and have always hated dressing up. Because of the glamour aspect, this really wouldn't have been my choice of holiday, despite the island being amazing.

I am 163cm (5'4"), weigh about 57kg, have muscly legs, not much of a waist, and a very untoned upper body, have blue-white freckly skin, loads of moles, wrinkles, grey-blue eyes, thin blonde-red hair, untamed blonde eyebrows, blonde eyelashes, bad teeth. I wear glasses and can't wear contacts (or see without the glasses). I have no idea what to do with makeup, it always looks ghastly.

Suggestions please, for:

Shorts that fit over chunky thighs but still look glamourous
Tops that cover my untoned flabby upper arms
Sun dresses with non-frumpy cardigan or something
Sandals that i can walk in
Sunhat
Bathing costume
What to wear to drinks before dinner
What to wear to dinner

How to fix hair, eyebrows, teeth, confidence, desire to not go on holiday because of fecking paparazzi MIL

[Flyinggeese21]

Hi I can't help so much on the clothing side of things but am a fellow pale person - and I've had successful spray tans done! Do you have enough time before hol for a practise run of a pale tan to see what you think? I've had 'Sienna' brand at the salon and loved it.

[specialsubject]

shorts will look fine, especially those proper hiking/walking ones. Shorts do not need to reveal what you had for lunch, knee length looks good.

get a couple of rash vests.

make sure you do your tricep dips properly, you can knacker up shoulders easily doing them wrong.

pack one more thing - a comedy mask, and wear it in all photos until they stop taking pictures of you without your consent.

or don't go on what sounds like the trip from hell. Life is too short to spend with arseholes such as you describe.

[hettie]

Look at white company, they have lots of cover ups and dresses and great shorts

[trickyex]

There are some really glam Birkies out now, the Sydney style is less bulky than the usual ones and comes in glam finishes, such as shiny/subtle snakeskin etc
www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00KQET2WW/ref=twister_B00RZD5XNE?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

www.amazon.co.uk/Birkenstock-Sydney-Pearl-Hazel-488171/dp/B00KQEZEDS/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1432998842&sr=8-2&keywords=birkenstock%20sydney&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

This jumper also looks lovely and might work for your hols

www.boden.co.uk/en-GB/Womens-Knitwear/Jumpers/WV030/Womens-Elegant-Shimmer-Jumper.html

And some culottes might be a good option
www.houseoffraser.co.uk/Karen+Millen+Denim+culotte/220361999,default,pd.html?$ja=tsid:45090|kw:Skimbit|cgn:78888&awinDCS=3100_1432998993_f56ea611eb967923d2a3221e131ba29b||0||0||0||skim34418X923830X5bd6200a5de9eef6cbc69d28d0e9944a&awc=3100_1432998993_f56ea611eb967923d2a3221e131ba29b&cm_mmc=AWIN--Deeplink--NULL--NULL&istCompanyId=17910aed-1bae-4362-9580-b523eb87a91e&istItemId=imrqpqmx&istBid=t

And have a look on this blog as she gives lot of suggestions (and links) for glam outfits and may have a similar figure to you (ie slim!)

doesmybumlook40.blogspot.co.uk/

Agree re brows/lashes/nails/fake tan - M&S Autograph has a good one (gradual tan) not too whiffy and comes in light tone
www.marksandspencer.com/gradual-tan-body-crme-light-to-medium-200ml/p/p22352176?mfPartNumber=T224301&carousel=FUNV_RR

[Smokeyrobinson]

Lots of great ideas here. For your H air problems YY to the Babyliss Big Hair and I've recently discovered Viviscal Hair Fibres. easy to use and to transport. Will add texture and volume to your bald patch and are undetectable.

[sunniest]

i've seen the loreal elvive fibrology thickening shampoo (in a bright blue bottle) work wonders on thin hair.