MMXV (2015, twenty fifteen) : Here Come The Crepeys!

[CointreauVersial]

More crepey wisdom.....

Cremo hope you have made the head of the queue, and sorry about DD worries, no advice, I suspect they have to go through it.

SO crepeys advice please. Ds is a sociable chap and likes to be liked. At school there are some less pleasant individuals who take great delight in saying things like 'No one would care if you were dead. You are the devils spawn. You are rubbish. No one likes you.'

Now rationally he knows this is rubbish and it's their problem and that they are trying to be 'top of the bottom' as he put it. BUT he takes it so much to heart (and this is one of my big flaws and has hampered me so much - I listen to all the negative). DP and I have had the talk re ignoring it, not letting these people define you etc. and the fact that this is not good for ones mental health.

We have also said we will take it up with his form tutor in terms of saying this is happening (and ds isn't the only one).

But does anyone have any advice/tactics/skills around boosting his confidence and making him more 'immune' to such things?

Echoing other Crepeys words, Cremo. What else can we do other than to offer support, stay in touch and be there and arrange help when it goes wrong? Hope you are not in too much pain, emotional and physical. Xx

Yes -stropps you will find teaching work... You will. And lovely to have DD noticing boys, although a bit stressful at times for parents. I do remember that teen excitement of discovering there was more to boys than avoiding the never ending football talk and silly behaviour. Those were the days.

tilly yes Kew is great....I did have a mooch around the shops before and after the meeting. Didn't buy anything though...

monty that sounds awful about your former colleague. These things can affect us so. Without going in to detail on line, there has been a terrible tragic murder locally, and the DC both knew the victim who was a young person. It made the national news. Reeling.... DD has been crying with fear mostly.

Oh no BD ...have to log off but will come back. This is bullying. Later xx

BD, that is bullying. You need to take it up very strongly with the school. Not just the form tutor. And ASAP! At least he is currently believing it isn't him, but them. You and the school and everyone else must reinforce this IMHO. Teens are horrible to those who don't fit in with what they think peers should be like. Or who they are jealous of. Or just because they are unhappy in their own skin and don't like to see others happy.

Not sure what would work best for your DS. It sounds like he has a group of nice friends? Maybe doing something out of school which he really enjoys and boosts his confidence would help - I know it has been good for a friend's DS (and he is now pretty sure of what he wants to do as a career)

Rose, how sad. And worrying.

Definitely take up the bullying with school, BD. I think the fact that someone else is taking it seriously and defining the behaviour in terms of the miscreants rather than somehow 'deserved' might be the most important thing, iyswim. I am so sorry.

I always noticed boys. Sadly, they didn't always notice me back, given that there were more toothsome options available than a pudgy clever posh gel. (Or one who was convinced of her own pudginess, of course, looking at the photographic evidence.) Norwich in the 1970s was a Very Odd Place.

BD, echo everything MI and BTM say. I too would take it up very strongly with the school - I think the expectation should be that these children change their behaviour and that it is recognised as bullying - and agree that this in itself may help his confidence. For my dd (who was bullied at primary), doing activities especially those that involved different age ranges really helped (in one, she got to work with younger children, and an older boy who found it very hard), it boosted her confidence and also I think gave her a broader perspective on those perniciously narrow social hierarchies that operate within year groups at school. Hope the school act decisively - it is really good that he has given you specific examples.

Rose,

Yes, agree with the others, BD The school must deal with this right now and should have zero tolerance for this type of verbal abuse. I really agree with lalsy about getting into activities with a range of age groups. Within or outside of the school…it's what the DC do at the theatre…they work in groupings across the age and ability range. If bullying or exclusion/cliques develop the staff come down on it like a ton of bricks, but sometimes it takes a parent to make them aware that it's going on. to you and your DS who sounds like a lovely lad.

Why do children have to be so shitty to each other? My advice is the same as the rest. The school have to come down hard.

Rose - awful about local murder.

Oh poor ds BD . I'm very sorry he's experiencing this- so unfair. My instinct would also be to get him involved in something ( drama, martial arts, circus skills) that boosts confidence and gives him a sense of achievement - this last is very useful for seeing himself in a different environment and a different light.
Maybe with confidence he be free of these bullies.

Five hours in the hospital later, I have been offered a steroid epidural for the gammy leg. Off to research ( MI??) on t'internet.

BD, can only echo what other Crepeys have said.

Hatty, I had been wondering about you and the demonstration. Champagne sounds good.

Rose,

BTM, EasyJet did something similar to us a few years ago - they cancelled our return flights from Majorca. Needless to say our accommodation and car hire were already paid for. We ended up flying back to Liverpool and hiring a car to get home.

Crem, sorry to hear about your health problems. I have had a steroid injection in my knee, and my knee replacement was done by epidural, but no experience of a steroid epidural. Have you made up your mind whether to go ahead? Poor DD, you want them to think the best of people, but wisdom usually only comes with experience.

DGD2 is well, thanks. She and her DB will be arriving later for breakfast - we think it's a museum kind of day.

Well my prediction was right - my day did get worse!

Aside from the flights, DS came home distraught because he had got into yet more trouble. This time because his best mate got some very bad news by text and when DS tried to check he was OK/comfort the gf, he got into hot water with senior staff (because he is already on the radar, of course) He wears his heart on his sleeve and really cares about his friends/sister despite trying to look like the big man all the time. Thankfully a couple of emails and a phone call seems to have smoothed things out, but he needs to make sure he doesn't get caught with his coat on in school (he neglected to tell us that he couldn't find his blazer which DH had tidied away...) Aaaargh!

Re the flights, DH is going to try to claim the entire amount back and then we drive or don't go at all.

BD, hope your DS is OK?

Here we have the bus strike, so DD requires ferrying... DS, of course, is on his bike!

Tilly if an airline cancels a flight are they under no obligation at all to offer you an alternative or refund? Your DS is going to be a really nice bloke….even though he's suffering at school…..strength and xx to you.

MI bet you weren't pudgy. One huge regret I have is not enjoying the years I was really slim…because I was always wishing I was thinner. If I'd known then , the struggle I was going to have later in life….

Cremo is that a steroid injection given under epidural? Do hope it's the right thing and sorts the pain out.

I shall be ferrying DD to school, shortly. DS has a dedicated school bus service but was bitching on about having to walk to the station to catch it, instead of getting any number of buses that normally run the couple of stops to get there. I have a day set aside to sort out DD's room (she was supposed to…ha!...dream on…) as the decorator is coming tomorrow. It's her birthday present from last May ….

We are all still reeling from the news of the young guy who was murdered. DS keeps seeing RIP posts on fb…they're upsetting him terribly. DD is scared to go to the shopping centre where it happened. What a terrible world it is sometimes.

BD - agree with the others, it is bullying. The school need to deal with it.

Rose - was that in WG? How awful for your DC. I'm so sorry.

Rose - so sorry to hear about the young man. I suppose those things take on extra resonance when they are in your age bracket, let alone When it's someone you know. Thinking of you all.

This train is not fun in the bus strike. Extra full. Am anxious about today. Look forward to catching up tonight when I hope I will feel much more chipper.

Rose, DH and I have emailed both the airline and the dodgy company booked through SkyScanner. I don't hold out much hope!

Have done my ferrying - traffic running much easier without the buses clogging up the road!

Rose, I was a chunky child, teen and student (though would have looked average these days!) and lost weight when I started working, so I really appreciated being slim in my twenties and early thirties.
Good luck with mucking out your DD's room!

tilly so hard to imagine you as chunky!! But like you say, the goal posts have moved. I do remember when it suddenly became harder to keep the weight off. Early 30s, one child, transferred from a job in the community to a hospital based post....more management, less direct clinical, and a chocolate machine on every stairwell and a great staff restaurant, shopping square and food stalls on site. My nemesis.

I am delaying by being in Sainsbos, and have bought a blouse and a jumper dress. Starbucks beckons.

MrsS I will PM you.

Still feeling rubbish. Reading the thread and thinking of you all.

Oh Auriga, so sorry.

My sister now in not good way. Think her MH really a bit in crisis. Oh bugger...

Oh Auriga, you poor soul. I empathise, I really do. I think it's very hard to get well at this time of the year , as bugs are just going round on a loop. 12 members of my team currently off sick with a range of mutations of the Common Cold. It seems to be that it is hitting everyone at their weakest point ( although I don't know why my kidneys weren't just minding their own business)
Rudy thanks for thinking of dd, you are v sweet. I am trying to keep calm and let it run its course with the friend. I have invited her with dd to come for 1/2 term. Dh is always good at flooring the puffed up in people by asking direct questions that the rest of us wouldn't dare. Also she might be quite different when she sees dh and I are not The Enemy that dd has been encouraged to believe by her.

BTM what a bummer. This has happened a few times to ddad over the years. Hope you can get it sorted somehow. Is it impossible to fly from another uk airport whilst getting a refund -Bristol/ Southampton or somewhere you can get a train to.
Or fly to Nice and get The Snow train north? Even writing that sounds like a faff tbh

I continue with my declittering. I am taking the minimalist challenge - one declittering a day plus mindful exercises regarding single tasking etc. very new age crepeys -non

CV I dreamt fitfully last night but in the dream was you in the blue phase 8 dress and a winter white long wool jacketand gold heels. ( at the Dublin wedding) weird indeed. From my extensive knowledge of Irish weddings there will be plenty of bare nekkid flesh on show regardless of the Arctic weather .

Oh MI -crap

Auriga - :(

And MI. And Rose re the young man, and BTM and her flights and cremo and her dodgy health......

BTM ds is fine dp and I are considering our next move. I just find all this language and nastiness so unnecessary...... I also don't want to come over as all pfb....... (always a danger when you only have one)

I just thank my lucky stars he tells me this stuff and doesn't bottle it up.

(It's the birthday tomorrow and dp has asked if I'm around on 25th - what has he got planned?!?)

BD, it is not pfb. If only I had realised how bad it was for DD sooner, instead of telling her to ignore, that they would move on, etc At least she now knows it is/was not her, but the bullies own jealousy/insecurities, etc.

BD, I echo BTM from our experience too. I didn't know the full extent of what was going on till it was too late - because dd's self esteem (or whatever) had been so damaged she no longer registered, never mind reported, casual, daily bullying - it may have looked as if she was ignoring it. Your ds is precious, of course he is .

Crem, that sounds toxic, I am so sorry you have that worry. And Auriga being poorly and MI, .

Sorry some of you are having such a rotten time. Auriga - you have been under the weather for ages, you poor thing.

BD - a quiet word with the school is definitely needed - often, these Y7 issues can be sorted out very quickly before the behaviour becomes too entrenched and "acceptable". I know what you mean about over-reacting, though - it is possible to go too far the other way, and intervene whenever there is a smallest incident - but this is clearly something he is struggling to deal with by himself.

Crem - LOL at your dream - it's good to know your subconscious is busy trying to help with my clothing dilemma. I'm awaiting a deluge of parcels, then I shall force DH to sit through a fashion show and help me decide (or be irritatingly non-committal about everything).

Rose - I sorted out the DDs' bedrooms at the weekend, unearthing several of DD2's stocking fillers, untouched since Christmas 2013. So she spent Sunday evening happily constructing a wooden penguin and playing a harmonica.