Help me improve the way I look please

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I stopped straightening my hair a few months ago and now let it dry in its natural curls. I decided to have a trim and told the hairdresser (working from home, not in a salon but came highly recommended) I wanted a bob, so she cut it straight, no layers so I wouldn't end up with a triangle supposedly.

It is awful, has no shape, and because I have a side parting it's huge on one side and not the other.

I don't know whether it's the weather but it's constantly just frizzy. I've tried using sls free shampoo and silicone free conditioner but it didn't improve the condition. I've been letting it dry naturally so it would shine when dry and curl, but it's awful, just awful. I have no money at all due to the fact dh has been out of work for over a year, although he starts a new job next week, so another trip to a hairdresser is out of the question for a few months at least.

Add to that the fact that I have put on a lot of weight due to feeling very down and eating cheap crap, I'm now between one and two dress sizes bigger and have absolutely no waist at all but look 6 months pregnant. None of my clothes fit, I live in leggings and 2 tunic tops I have which I hate. I work from home so don't need work clothes but still would like to feel better about myself. Obviously I can't afford new clothes and wouldn't like myself in anything anyway.

I also can't wear makeup because most things aggravate the skin around my eyes so it becomes flaky and sore.

I guess losing weight would help but I can't afford healthy food yet, we live on cheap stuff. I have only £50 max per week to spend on food for 2 adults and teen dd.

Also I think the anti depressants I take aren't helping. And I eat crap when I feel down too

And I look tired and old (I'm 50), I hate my glasses but can't afford contact lenses.

Any tips how I can improve things? Anything I can do about my hair? I thought about trying the mumsnet hair cut but I'm worried I'll make it even worse and also I don't want it shorter because it's shorter than I wanted anyway.

Grateful for any tips.

Sorry for the long post

are you interested in eating better? It's very hard to change things. Have you tried the free app of mind map? Just put down " feel better" and map out the issues and stoppages as you go. It's ok to put cba:) then you put why etc etc.

Watching TV late is a crutch for not facing things ( I lay in the bath reading and ignoring so I know)

I think one of the key things is yes, you will have more energy if you change things, and yes you will feel you need to be DOING something. This is good.

So part of planning is to be aware that watching TV late into the night isn't great. You need to think of how you might fill that time, and be productive. Could your dd have her friends round for a book group ( imagines eye rolling) but it's quite interesting and might help both you and her and your dh think of how to make the most of free time. Family history? Research hols? Even camping where there are things you like?

I do think a family meeting might be a good thing, once a week, however self concious you feel. Just chat and everyone has to have at least one agenda item:) Does your dd have any interests? Could that be a focus? You all must have something you'd rather be doing - walking the King Charles route, dancing, writing a blog...

op it really sounds to me that your anti ds aren't working as well as they could.

I mean this in the nicest way if you can't be bothered to moisturise and look after yourself you need different anti ds.

Please try the gratitude lists. Also another great exercise is to draw yourself in the middle of a page and write everything good about yourself next to it. I'm sure you have loads of great things about yourself even if you can't see it. If you feel comfortable get your dh to add to it as it helps to see what others see.

Water, going to bed and exercise will all help lift the depression to.

As for grooming moisturise, and get your eyebrows done. If you have amazing thick dark eyebrows all you need to do is go to one of the Indian beauty shops in your local city. I get my eyebrows dyed and threaded, the threading costs £3!! Seriously good eyebrows will make you looked groomed and together without makeup .

You obviously want to be motivated otherwise you wouldn't be posting!

Well done on the weight loss and starting to feel better. Go you

Thanks

Yesterday I lost the plot a little, as my eldest dd came home for Christmas and requested fish and chips for tea and also brought chocolates with her. But it was still less than it would been in the past and hopefully a one off.

I think as long as you eat mindfully and keep checking in with yourself as to if you are actually still hungry then its ok to eat things like fish and chips, choc etc. If you tune into yourself and stop as soon as you feel you have had enough to satisfy your hunger then you will be sort of following your own body led calorie control.

Your doing really well.