Help me improve the way I look please

[imalostcause]

I stopped straightening my hair a few months ago and now let it dry in its natural curls. I decided to have a trim and told the hairdresser (working from home, not in a salon but came highly recommended) I wanted a bob, so she cut it straight, no layers so I wouldn't end up with a triangle supposedly.

It is awful, has no shape, and because I have a side parting it's huge on one side and not the other.

I don't know whether it's the weather but it's constantly just frizzy. I've tried using sls free shampoo and silicone free conditioner but it didn't improve the condition. I've been letting it dry naturally so it would shine when dry and curl, but it's awful, just awful. I have no money at all due to the fact dh has been out of work for over a year, although he starts a new job next week, so another trip to a hairdresser is out of the question for a few months at least.

Add to that the fact that I have put on a lot of weight due to feeling very down and eating cheap crap, I'm now between one and two dress sizes bigger and have absolutely no waist at all but look 6 months pregnant. None of my clothes fit, I live in leggings and 2 tunic tops I have which I hate. I work from home so don't need work clothes but still would like to feel better about myself. Obviously I can't afford new clothes and wouldn't like myself in anything anyway.

I also can't wear makeup because most things aggravate the skin around my eyes so it becomes flaky and sore.

I guess losing weight would help but I can't afford healthy food yet, we live on cheap stuff. I have only £50 max per week to spend on food for 2 adults and teen dd.

Also I think the anti depressants I take aren't helping. And I eat crap when I feel down too

And I look tired and old (I'm 50), I hate my glasses but can't afford contact lenses.

Any tips how I can improve things? Anything I can do about my hair? I thought about trying the mumsnet hair cut but I'm worried I'll make it even worse and also I don't want it shorter because it's shorter than I wanted anyway.

Grateful for any tips.

Sorry for the long post

bunchoffives Thanks for the foundation suggestion. It's eye makeup I struggle with more, I like to wear mascara to make my eyes look bigger as I wear glasses, but I have tried so many different sorts over the years but they all make my skin sore after a week or so Eye shadow is a real no no!

It's an inside job.
If you feel ok inside, it's all ok.
I like to write a gratitude list.
I aim for 10.

It can take s couple of weeks for a haircut to settle down.

Could you do an oil cleanse?
There was loads on here about it- cheap & beneficial to face. Instant glow effect too.

Thanks jackydanny. That is part of the problem, I don't feel good inside, I have very low self esteem.

Posted too soon - the haircut was 7 weeks ago, if anything it just gets worse.

Hmm. I have very thick wavy hair and have had the cut you describe! It was hell and took 2 years to be a distant memory (and is probably why my hair is now halfway down my back!

Can you french braid the front bits and have a messy bun? That really helped me!

Scarves weren't useful until my hair was longer because if the thickness.

Food wise id stick to big pots of dinners (casseroles, curries, fried rice, mexican) have leftovers for lunch,and make huge salads to last a few days at a time, porridge for breakfast, and buy big tubs of yoghurt and a bag of cheap fruit. If you bake, freeze cakes/biscuits/slices.

It will get easier soon when your DH is working, then you can make other changes.

Another vote for the 5 a day gratitude book and also for the 'one small change at a time' approach.

Get out every day while it is light for some fresh air and daylight. Even it is just 10 minutes a day, you will feel better.

How are you sleeping?

Regarding food - homemade veggie soup is really quick and easy. If you would like me to post a recipe, please ask :)

Admitting you want to change things around, is the first step to changing things, so onwards and upwards :)

Lots you can do without spending lots of money!
Short but brisk walks. Aim for a pace that leaves you feeling just slightly out of breath. Longer family walks at the weekend are healthy and a great way to spend time together.
I recommend the 30 day shred DVDs which you can do at home. Cost a fiver on Amazon or keep your eye out in charity shops or at boot sales.
I recently switched to shopping in Aldi and you don't need to buy crap to eat cheap. You can make your own pasta sauce with tinned tomatoes, garlic, carrot and onions etc... You can make root vegetable soup and serve with wholemeal bread... We bought a good size chicken in there for £2.99, roasted it and had it one night with salad and used what was left the following night to make chicken and vegetable casserole (again just carrots, onions and peas or sweetcorn will do). Jacket potatoes are another cheap alternative. Mince is also cheap and you can make chilli or bolognese using whatever veg you choose.
Clotheswise, try charity shops, second hand sales and boot sales. Even just a scarf might pick you a little.

All of the above plus, if no-one has suggested it, get a SAD (daylight) lamp. I have 2 and couldn't live without them in winter.

Do you have a slow cooker? So cheap to run and great for soups, casseroles (or pretty much anything..).

"Your diet doesn't sound too bad."

Bunchoffives It is awful - stodgy and unhealthy.

I don't eat organic vegetarian meals prepared by fairies every day, but I wouldn't want to eat like the OP.

Completely agree with crankitup. You can't eat an elephant in one go. Take it slowly. Try and focus on the thing that Is getting you down the most.
So today I swap a sausage roll for a banana or oatcake. That's it. Don't put pressure on yourself to do anything else.
Also agree with getting outside, even if dark, cold and nasty. You will not want to go, but you will feel SO much better when you come in and it is all warm.

Charity shops are fantastic. When you start to feel a bit better you can get some lovely stuff, but again, in your own time. It is okay to be you. You have a right to be here.

The Facebook page is called "Feed your family for about £20 a week".

Charity shops is a very good idea... Why didn't I think of that!
All make up counters will do little trials so you could work your way round them and see if you can find anything.
Maybe when your DH is back working you could make a proper haircut a priority? Obviously bills and stuff much more important but as a first treat.

Contact lenses aren't hugely expensive anymore. I get mine monthly, wear and sleep in them for a month then take them out and pop a new pair in. It's less than £15 on a direct debit per month.

Hair. I was once approached in a shopping centre to have my hair cut in Toni and Guy for free - under supervision! Ask in there if they need a hair model for training or a decent salon, you'd be amazed.

hi imal

i really felt for you when i read your post. its awful when you feel bad about yourself, but it doesn't have to be this way. your hair will soon sort itself out again, and you can change the way you eat... i suggest tuna and eggs a good starting point, because they are so cheap and healthy sources of protein, this is what i eat. even eggs on wholemeal toast is easy and cheap when you want something quick and healthy, throw in a few tomatoes. and a tin tuna with a little olive oil and onion mixed in can substitute sausages etc for a lot of meals, even if you don't change everything at once.
for your face i honestly wouldn't worry about the eye make up, i used to think i had to do my whole face before i felt good, but now i find that if i put blusher and lip stick/gloss on, it really makes me look so healthy. and maybe some eyebrow grooming? im sure you look better than you feel though. good luck :)

I had the eye skin thing too, for years. Then I went to the GP and he gave me some cream called protopic. It is amazing! I can now wear mascara and concealer and though glittery eyeshadows still cause a flare, I generally only put a teeny bit of cream on every 3 or so weeks just to keep it under control. Maybe go and see if you could get some?

And yes yes yes to the change one small thing each day. Even read a newspaper, paint your nails or get off the bus one stop early and look at the houses as you walk or go get some ivy from the park and make a wreath for your front door. Being in the fresh air is a tonic. Drink lots of water too, it will help your skin.

and i second charity shop clothes, i get lots of compliments on clothes i got in the charity shop!

Agree with loads of above advice.
Walking is fab,as our Shred workouts available on you tube.
Drink loads of water.
Vegetable soup is great,filling,cheap and nutritious.
I would wear foundation every day and a reddy lipstick to suit your colouring.
Just making a bit of effort makes you feel better.
I have been on antidepressants for years until losing loads of weight this year and discovering exercise.
Now don't need them.
Hair wise, could you do a deep condition, people on here recommend coconut oil but I think leaving any conditioner that you have in on for long time works well.
Also second messy bun idea.

Hi op, you poor thing, you sound really down in the dumps.

I have curly hair and got it chopped into a bob last year (for about the fourth time) I would say your hairdresser was wrong to avoid layers, layers are what stops the curls piling on top of eachother to make a triangle! They are really important to give a nice overall shape to curly hair, and also to help it curl up in a pretty way. If/when you can afford another cut tell them you don't want to lose length, but would like layers put in and a bit of feathering around the face to soften your curls.

In the mean time, after washing scrunch a small blob of boots pink curl cream into your wet hair, then leave to dry naturally. It is cheap for a huge pot and is an absolute wonder product for giving you those shiny curls you want (just look at the reviews!)
m.boots.com/mt/www.boots.com/en/Boots-Essentials-Curl-Creme-250ml_927582/

Hi OP. for you. It can be especially hard at this time of year to feel good with all the dark and cold - I want to eat stodge and hibernate!

Could you go back to the doctors and tell them how you're feeling, if the anti depressants aren't helping? Also if you're inside all day your vit D levels may be very low. The doctor might check for you (they did for my grandma) or you could try some vits.

But i agree with previous posters about getting outside for 15/20 min a day, pref in daylight if you can. I also love pinterest for food/fashion ideas.

Baby steps!

Oh and perhaps instead of thinking of new food or recipes, you could just ADD a ton of veg alongside what you're currently eating. It might feel less of a chore.

1. Find a hairdressers who needs training models and you could get a decent haircut for £5-10. All the big ones do them: Vidal Sassoon, T&G,
2. Aldi and Lidl sell good quality fruit and veg cheaply. Also have some frozen veg in freezer as nutrionally same as fresh and often more economical. 3)Use meat and chicken but bulk up dishes with beans and pulses: sphaghetti bolognaise, stews, soups and casseroles
3. borrow a few cookery books from library to give you meal ideas
4. aim for 10,000 steps a day( approximately 1 1/2 hours of being on the move / day)

Baby steps. Don't try and change everything at once.

Good place might be to try going to bed an hour earlier everyday to improve your sleep. Life always seems more of a struggle when I'm sleep-deprived.

Then 30 minutes exercise everyday - brisk walk, jog, youtube video, whatever.

Shower, hair wash, blow dry, make-up, whatever everyday. Look after your clothes, so you're not putting on stuff from a crumpled heap.

Maybe resolve to have a glass of water every time you feel hungry and only eat 20 minutes later if you're still peckish. And then try to avoid the more snacky foods.

And treat yourself with a haircut when you've reached a goal you set yourself. (By then it'll have grown out a bit.)

Thank you for all the replies and suggestions I'm feeling a bit more positive today

I've weighed myself and weigh about what I expected to, so I'm 2 to 2.5 stone overweight.

I've eaten a lot more healthily today, although dinner isn't great, pasties, but it's all I've got in. I walked the dog this afternoon for 25 mins. And I've booked a contact lens trial where you get contact lenses for 5 days to try for free.

There are no big hairdressers nearby, we live in a village and don't go to nearest city often as it always ends up costing a lot of money in parking etc. No one seems to know how to handle curls and I always hate it after it's been cut. I'll probably end up growing it long again.

I'm useless at going to bed on time, as is dh. In the morning I can't get up, I just can't face the day until I have to get up to do some work. But I think that will change when dh starts work again, as he will have to go to bed sooner.

in regards to your diet, if your family wouldn't be happy eating vegs every night, surely if your weight is going up and up you could eat different food to them? I'd be concerned about the families weight too if it was me, if they are eating what you are. Also the high salt content etc of the food you are buying.
Tinned tuna and fish must be affordable? can you get a can of tinned salmon from aldi and make a nice pasta with it?