What makes a person frumpy?

[Ladyfoxglove]

I'm feeling decidedly frumpy at the moment. Whilst trying on some old clothes the other day, I caught sight of myself from the back in a full length mirror and I look just like my mother did twenty years ago horrors!

The trouble is, although I'm looking at all the nice new clothes around about now I can't decide what to get. I get my hair cut and highlighted regularly (shoulder length, straight) and I'm 5' 7" and reasonably slim, instead of the effect I'm after (sophisticated, slightly edgy but natural), I'm more average 46 year old frumpy, boring woman from the Midlands. I can't pinpoint where I'm going wrong.

I look similar to Kate Winslet but I'd rather look like kristen taekman (sorry for Real Housewives reference but that's the look I like).

Any suggestions?

Pink, at least if you went into C&A you knew what you were getting. I shopped there & Penneys (Primark) as a teenager. I won't shell out for bad quality in high street stores.

I think certainly colours are unfairly dismissed as frumpy such as teal or various shades of brown. If they suit you along with the syle of clothes then it's not frumpy. I love both and believe I look much better in them than black.

I think frumpy is when clothes haven't had attention paid to how they fit, just whether they physically go on, usually with posture and facial expressions that look tired and resigned and often washed out.

Which is me on a bad day, especially since having children and my body shape changing faster than my clothes budget could regenerate my wardrobe, pain affecting posture and expression, and being a totally different skin tone compared to pre-pregnancy.

I never used to wear much makeup but had to chuck it all as I'm now pale and not at all yellow. Some really patient girls in the MAC store in Westfield helped me get a lipstick that looks like me only having had enough sleep, I invested in bras that fit and hit the Bravissimo/Pepperberry online sale, and now have a bunch of clothes that make me feel definitely non-frumpy, even though there's plenty of clothes I have that are simply unflattering but get worn if I just need something clean for the school run and aren't going to work.

I'm paying a bit more attention to this stuff, as I'm about to be 40, as well as looking around to see what people at work wear at different grades (admin grades: cheap suits, junior grades: trousers and open-neck shirts for men, tops for women, as since the recession we don't earn enough to pay for dry cleaning or ties and generally can't be arsed any more. Middle management: smart trousers, usually suits, ironed shirts/tops. Senior managers: either very smart suits, eg with cufflinks, or scruffier than junior grades. So if I want to crack middle management I need to look the part and look ironed...)

the quality of clothes has gone downhill, manmade fabrics. you have to hunt around for cotton and silk is a rare pearl

Hey guys, I've read the entire thread!!!

I agree that frumpiness is crap. I work at children's centres some times and my word the frump! But I guess the people there have other things to worry about...

I remember going to work on a farm in Australia....women only, the advert said....my boyfriend of the time said, I bet they're all gay..... Anyway up rocked this 'ute' and inside was this bleach blonde, black nailed, good jean shape woman playing hip hop.

I said, I will wear black nails when I am 50. And I will still go out to gigs and so on.

As it stands, I'll be 40 next weekend (!!!!!!) and take good care of myself. Keep weight down, good hair, plenty of eye makeup.

Great thread.

Haven't read the whole thread but somewhere earlier on someone said that frumps go just for comfort and don't realise that you can have comfortable non frumpy clothes.

Can you? As I get older I just want to feel comfortable, in very soft cotton, not too clingy, and nothing cutting into the waist, even though my waist is fairly small, I hate that feeling of the fitted waistband digging in. So I go for frumpy - for White Stuff soft cotton tops (which DH loves, bless him) and M&S v soft jeans or loose trousers.

I'd love to look better but really can't bear to forfeit comfort for glamour. What can a frumpy dumpy 50 year old do to de-frump without feeling trussed up like a chicken? (I do lots of exercise but refuse to starve to maintain a thin figure so am right at the top of BMI for my height.) Where should we shop? What sort of clothes? I did ask this on S&B about three years ago and followed all the advice that went against what I usually did and got showered with compliments. But fashion and my body shape have both changed since then.

Thanks, Mathanxiety, that's a v good idea. There are a lot of fairly decent charity shops in my nearest city, so shall have a hunt for jeans there.

You can donate them right back when you're finished with them.

Hate to say it China but elastic waists do tend to be beyond the pale....

I don't starve but at almost 60 I eat a lot less than I used to as it's the only way I can stay slim- and I refuse to buy a bigger size

Yesterday I was in John Lewis and I saw a women with a stunning figure in her late 40s / early 50s trying on a really unflattering green jumper (and I usually love green!). She was asking her husband for his opinion and he said "yeah, it looks fine" he clearly wanted to get the shopping trip over and done with! I wanted to scream at her that the jumper did absolutely nothing for her!!

www.johnlewis.com/john-lewis-cashmere-v-neck-jumper/p1093683?colour=Grass%20Green

There was just something about the naff little bow that made is so frumpy, plus the colour really washed her out.

I'd've told her - I often pass comment on people's choices & tell them that it really suits them, or isn't flattering or whatever. Perhaps I'm wrong to do so, but I'd be grateful for the input - I often shop alone & hate deciding all by myself.

China - is it all clothes that are on your waist? Are you sure you're not just doing the thing of trying to do up things that are half a size too small if they are digging in? Otherwise, dresses might be best... maybe this

I often get asked what I think if someone is trying on something ...
I try hard to be tactful. Easier if they have several items then you can usually find one that looks okay.

On the whole, women seem to choose the 'safe' option and lack confidence to choose the one that really makes them look great.

Marking place to read later ( as a frumpy 39yo from the Midlands)
I am a frump mainly down to posture and trying to hide my saggy tummy in saggy clothes

arrrrggg sofacanary, Emmanuelle alt is amazing! I shouldn't have Googled her! although, just think about how long it takes for her to take off those jeans; in the meantime I'd have made a cuppa and be playing on the floor with DS

Her style bible consists of: skinny jeans/trousers ankle length, boyfriend or fitted shirt; all of the above in grey/black/white.

I think that looking too groomed and 'put together' is frumpy. Wearing what you like, being confident and secure is the anti frump. Jeans, boots and a t shirt - I look great (am over 40) put me in a dress and heels and I look like my gran.

When I say jeans and boots I mean skinnies and biker/chunky ankle boots.

Pinkfrocks - I know! It was very hard typing that admission and I'd never ever show the elasticated waist - always well hidden under a silky top or long slouchy jumper.
Mary Could be 1/2 size too small but next size up is massive on me. That dress is gorgeous btw and I'm off to get it. As long as it's on the knee. I have awful legs from the knee up so have to hide them, which is why I usually wear trousers or maxi dresses.

Great interesting thread. My observations on the clothes that frump:

• cheap thin fabric; need heavier quality fabric like wool and ponte as we get older. Good quality but thin fabric looks great layered though!

• blouses/shirts that button up like men's shirts. Only the thinnest can get away with these otherwise they are usually ill fitting, awkwardly tucked in or let loose and a bit of the 'battle of the norks'

• fleeces --- only for walking the dog! Cut the leg in the wrong place, unflattering fabric and neck

• jumpers -- cardis are good but basic Crew neck jumpers can look clingy and cheap and, for me at last, a way to display the back fat in all it's glory

• brights with black; Trinny and Susannah were right about this. A black trouser looks a million times better with a grey too than a bright red one.

• cropped wide trousers; in fact I increasingly feel more women should wear dresses and skirts as they can be more flattering than trousers to women's lower bodies

• anything with gold or silver beading or edging especially in tunic style

• the floaty Stevie Nicks look; the Golfie haven visiting the Dalai Lama look

• too many brights. A flash of a bright scarf is good but lots of bright and mixed colours can look crazy

• kitten heels. Nooooo! Clogs.

• waterfall cardigans the scourge of middle age!

• it's hard to stay on top of all grooming but a big grey parting in dyed hair is hard to overlook. my pet hate for frumpy fashion are when women wear sandals and have totally dry, unfurled heels and claw feet

• IME frumpy shops are: BonMarche, Next, debenhams, primark, white Stuff, fat face. Faded or cheap fabrics and unflattering styles.

The older I get the more it seems that tailored cut and good good quality fabric (which impacts on the way the garment hangs) are key. Less is more and better to buy a few things that work with a good jacket and shoes key.

When in doubt go classic. Forget an embellished coat when a good navy wool pea coat will do.

My biggest hurdle has been my weight. I'm a size 20 and not only does my weight age me but my choices are limited and far less fashionable. In desperate to get down to a 16 so I can actually buy something fun!

Goldie Hawn not Golfie haven...!! Whoops...

Sometimes it's just tweaking things a bit. I spotted an anne klein dress in TK Maxx, £15 down from £100 ish. Beautifully cut and lined, it fits like a glove but the belt/belt loops did nothing for me. I bought it anyway, unpicked the loops, dumped the belt and switched it for a wide waist belt and it looks 100x less frumpy. Photos (don't slate me, it's a bolero!) but taken in the shop, then when I had restyled it

It is on the knee if you are tiny, looks short to me