Crepeys in the Long Grass of Life

[CointreauVersial]

Thanks Beachy for the frisky title suggestion.

Well, here we all are!

Oh Rudy. I will ponder. I am so sorry.

They're at the same school, obviously? (I ask this because one of DD2's best friends is a twin, and I can foresee the same thing happening with these twins, but because of the comps round here being single-sex at least they'll be at different schools.)

Oh gosh Rudy what a pair of opposite reactions!
I will wait for all the wise words as I have not got a clue with teens - I don't seem to get it right at all!

Have you had the opportunity to sit down with them for a long chat with them about it all and your concerns?

Gosh Rudy that's tough - when I taught (many moons ago) I had twins in year 8 and they were like you describe - it worried me greatly because I felt the 'messy' 'disorganised' one was being like that purely to mark himself as different from his sibling.

Are they in the same class for everything? Is there any room for the school to separate them (if you think comparison is part of the issue).

Agree with BTM re trying to talk to them - separately/together?

DP wants us to move our holiday dates because of work.

I have no experience with twins - that's really hard - do you think it's Worth posting in the Teenagers section to see if anybody has useful input?

I did have friends who were both high achievers and wanted to do the same degree and finally went to separate universities so that they weren't judged against each other.

I think I'd probably concentrate my energy on the Under achiever but make sure they know you love them both. But what do I know.

Now I'm getting one off to uni' I'll concentrate on DD2 - which is probably not going to please her!

How are your eyes this morning?

Will ponder Rudy...

Ha Ha. Same here HM. I keep telling ds2, when he says how pleased he will be when ds1 no longer lives at home, that he has the pleasure of our undiluted attention, focused only on him, to look forward to and to be careful what he wishes for!

I think HM's approach is probably best, but again what do I know

I think for both of them the message has to be "we don't value you for your academic achievements, we value and love you for you". Rudy, I realise this is what you are certainly doing - I flag it up only because (a) both of them could decide, in that 'it's not fair' teenage way, that this is the case (b) in families - like my own - where it is the case, it's so horrid.

That's good advice MI - I have been trying to make sure my DC's know that.

The holidays will surely help, Rudy. They both need to think about time-management and long-term goals I guess. Your hard-worker needs to take stock and talk about stress levels and managing their time so that they are not always on-the-go (although some people do like to be always busy) and relaxing, etc. Your scared-of-trying maybe needs support to feel the fear and also plan their time better. But you know all that

My sympathies, Rudy. There is some very good advice on here, all of which I am sure you know already. My two DC are under 3 years apart: DS, the elder, scraped through everything at school, DD worked hard and did well. However once DS went to uni and studied what interested him he blossomed and is now extremely successful professionally. We tried so hard to motivate him, but it was only when he was interested that things changed.

We had a lovely morning - went to the beach in the end and I paddled (so did DGD1). New baby should be out on Saturday!

Gosh, what a tricky one Rudy. I don't know what I'd do and can see why you are worried about both [helpful] but suspect things will get easier after GCSE when unless they are very unlucky, they can go in different directions more.

We talk about the skills that the probably a bit cleverer dc lacks more of, like being organised, nailing arrangements etc a lot, but that is because their presence or absence so bleeding obvious in a busy household, the latter making me very ranty. Not sure that's relevant.

BTM, I am sure you get it right lots.

NU, great news about the baby!

Rudy first of all lucky DCs to have you as a Mum who concerned and caring Agree with all the sound advice above. My DS2 is very driven and obsessed with school. I worried about it but once we found he was good at music it seems to have balanced things out. When he was choosing his GCSE subjects my instinct was to strongly encourage him to take music. I had to fight him a bit on it but it has helped, and now he's going to do it for A level amongst the more traditional subjects. It's definitively got him to relax more and he's joined choirs and a band as a result. This improved his social life.
DS1 was really like NUs...once he found his niche at uni he blossomed and has a great career ahead of him. DD struggles due to LDiffs and often says "I'm not smart, am I Mum?" My friend has a girl with similar challenges who has a tutor for almost everything. DD doesn't I and feel terrible at times but realise it wouldn't work for DD. It would just stress her out. She loves practical and arty subjects though and doing those seems to help her focus of the more academic stuff.

Stressing. DD stuck on M25 coming back from sports day with the school. No update. Aaaargh

Rudy - can they advise each other? A bit like Super Size Super Skinny, neither extreme is very "healthy" but each can learn from the other.

Schools were both open as usual today - in fact, I was unaware of the strike until last night's News. DD2 spent the day at an activity centre with the rest of Y6.....and Ofsted were at the school.

DS came home with a dreadful report. All his excuses of "oh, I didn't try hard at xx because I'm giving it up soon" won't wash next term once he's started his options. If he was struggling academically it would be different, but he's NOT STUPID just DOESN'T MAKE THE SLIGHTEST EFFORT. I await fireworks once DH gets hold of it.

Rudy, your DH sounds like mine! Although he is obviously not like this at work and has actually had to revise his approach somewhat as it DOES NOT WORK at home!

CV, I think my DS may be getting the same report next year, although he will already have dropped the art, etc that he hates as they start their GCSE courses in Y9.

So DH hss just gone in the fridge to get out the tartare sauce for tonight's meal and has discovered an unopened half a pint of double cream. I have just realised that it should have gone in the Charlotte Malakoff which I made on Sunday. I did comment at the time that there wasn't as much filling as I remembered.

NU Just think of all the calories you have saved!

Yeah, BTM, but I have decided that the dessert probably needs to be redone for the family reunion just in case, so someone will have to eat the original - sigh - it's hard work but necessary.

Off out for lunch today with (whisper) friends I have met on the internet, plus a little bit of retail therapy in Newcastle. After days with the little ones I feel entitled to a bit of fun.

Have fun shopping at the Eldon Square NU - mind you, be careful of those dodgy types you meet online.

Have come to the conclusion, on reading this thread that most males are head in the sand, intolerant types - as we all seem to have the same issues with our DH's.

It has rained heavily here for three days now. I have gone back into long sleeved tops and boots. It was 10°C, yesterday, not summery at all.

The painter has now finished two whole rooms and so we are moving around depending on where he is painting. Strangely, I'm finding the mattress on the floor really comfortable.

That does sound difficult Rudy. I know exactly what you mean about siblings differentiating themselves from each other, whether consciously or unconsciously. It also makes me rather cross when teachers (and others) unthinkingly assume that because children are siblings, they will have the same strengths!

My DS1 and DS2 have really done the differentiating thing but thankfully they are far enough apart (two years) for it not to have to be very dramatic, iyswim.

FWIW, wrt my DSis and me, I was much more academically successful at school but I don't think I've been particularly successful as an adult! She otoh is very sorted, very practical (which I never was) and pretty well off now as well. I don't think either route predicts what follows. But i'm sure you know that anyway (I'm kind of thinking in type here, iykwim). Actually I'm wittering. Must stop now.

Oh, and wrt mi's posts - I so agree. I pushed myself to achieve academically because I felt I'd been such a letdown to my mother in other ways, so it was my way of making it up to her. Not a healthy mindset. Not - of course - saying that this is a driver for your over-achiever. Not many people can guilt-trip one as successfully as an Irish mammy.

I am still in bed having taken the day off. It's been a long week and I'm tired.

I will walk the dog in a bit and plod into town and do very little.

Spent last night trying to finalise bathroom fittings - I need to find a nice radiator/towel rail....

LOL OPM Try having a Jewish mama. "You can be anything you want to be…so long as you make us PROUD. Epic fail on my part….