To hell with the notion we should all aspire to look French anyway

[madforgreentea]

Ok ladies, this is part venting, part seeking views on appropriate attire for our regular summer visit to 'France to visit my French husband's family.

This thread has been sparked by an off hand comment my husband made the other day when he saw me trying on Brora's botanical skirt in bougainvillea.

I have coveted this skirt since seeing it gorgeously modelled in brora's 2014 spring summer catalogue. How do you like it? I asked him. "Very British" came the response, which, when uttered by the french, usually means frumpy, gaudy, unflattering and lacking in sartorial judgment.

I was incensed. Not because he didn't like it but because what belies this comment is a rigid dictatorial view that if you're not dressed a la francaise it must be because you don't know how and lack taste (according to my mother in law). The fact is, I am just ever so fed up of the suffocating way in which left right and centre we are told we are supposed to dress as the French, look like the French, behave like the French etc etc. I love my French husband and his family and they have lots of wonderful qualities. But I cannot for the life of me understand why adopting aloofness, feigning nonchalance and working so hard at being casual whilst looking down on others who don't meet that standard at the expense of improving one's character should be attributes to which I must aspire.

So your views please ladies. Should I return said skirt and limit the 'faute de gout' mutterings from my french family and wear the usual typical French uniform or should I don the 'frump' defiantly and subversively?

I think you need to address why you need so much external approval to just be happy in your skin.

You don't sound very confident at all.

How many times do I have to ask for someone to link to somewhere that shows how French women dress? I have no idea how they dress.

That's sweet of you milmingebag. I don't think I've ever really sought approval for the way I dress (or else I would've returned the skirt that started all this off in the first place).

No. It isn't that. It's being fed up at the rather warped society we have. I know others who are less confident than I am really struggle with some of these issues. And these issues take up vast amounts of space in women's magazines when really there must be more important stuff. And of course looking good and feeling good has its place. I'm just not sure it needs to occupy all that space.

My husband often teases me about the kooky things I wear but deep down it doesn't bother me. I know he loves me for who I am and I know he and his family value me for who I am and what I do not what I wear. But it just seemed that his off the cuff remark last week hinted at a lot more which never seems to go challenged in society. And that's what riled me.

But we've lost the wit and lightness of the earlier posts! I'm keeping the skirt. I have plenty of other contemporary looking clothes but that skirt is going to have to stay, if only for everything it does and doesn't represent. And for the fact that each time I wear it now it will make me chuckle on the inside

Thanks ladies for all your views :)

I would personally camp up the "British" look. Vive la difference! For me (also large of chest) this would be a flattering, funky floral dress- possibly a wrap dress? One that shows a hint of cleavage would be one in the eye for the (famously flat of chest) French. Top it off with a little cardi and some great shoes- in a BRIGHT colour. Sock it to them with the style anglaise!

(but yes, to echo about 100 PPs- please, not that skirt )

I'd like to look like a Spanish lady..adore how they dress everything about the way they act etc
I look like a gangly albino praying mantis though

Perhaps the French look is all about clothes taking up less head space? From what I understand the culture fashion wise is all about buying fewer items in the best quality you can afford in a sparse palette so they all go together and last years. Purchases are considered ones.

My impression is that it is a muted and conservative style that doesn't date very fast and that seems in keeping with the idea of a culture that aspires to not thinking about clothes beyond that.

The judgy attitude might be an intellectual one -the thought being taking so much time over clothing and wanting to be noticed in this regard indicates a frivolous nature.

Maybe it's just two sides of the same coin.

bunbaker google Ines de la Fressange. She has written a style guide said to epitomise French Style.

Thanks milmingebag. I'm sure you're right. If it takes up this much headspace...! Thanks for the insight ;)

Thank you Milmingebag I would have freezing feet and ankles if I dressed like her all the time. Mind you I think she is very elegant and I like her look.

Ines would look good in a sack, for the rest of us it takes a bit more effort. Plain/classic pieces of clothing look stunning on stunning looking people. They just look dull and underdressed on me.
She just radiates gorgeousness, you don't see past her beauty...a bit like a beautiful piece of art enhancing a white space....

I think Mil has nailed it really

I think it's similar to the French approach to beauty -- they tend to really invest in good skincare rather than slapping on tons of makeup or trying the latest trendy shade of eyeliner. Or the way a lot of French eat at home, which is to have a few really good ingredients rather than lots of different things going on. 'Less is more' basically.

Inès isn't all that fabulous in RL and she has one really dodgy profile. Don't be awed!

Maybe not Bonsoir but she is styled well in most things and that is how we see her - real life isn't important, we don't know her and we only ever see carefully edited pics.

Sure - but that's my point. Her look is eminently achievable. It's not just her own genetic fabulousness shining through.

My French family are just the same, in every respect, things are very rigidly their way or wrong!

I like the skirt. I love Brora's prints, the botanical and eccentric British influences. As with everything, it depends how you wear it and what with. Enjoy

Yes but the OP has her own style. Why on earth should she change that to please her inlaws?! And why on earth would her inlaws or dh expect her to?

Perhaps it depends how you dress:

"I want to dress like X"

Or

"That's nice, I'm buying that".

If you want to look more put-together/elegant/like J-Lo/Italian peasant girl/whatthefuckever, then you can trawl the internet and find clothes to suit whatever it is you want to 'display' about yourself.

I just buy what I like and to hell with other people.

Regarding your ILs, tell them they're welcome to their opinion, but if it isn't positive then they can keep it to themselves. If they carry on, criticise their cooking tit for tat.

But Bonsoir if I wore the same clothes as Ines I would not look good, it's not my style, I would look frumpy in the kind of clothes she wears - she looks fabulous.
I don't want to dress like her, French style dressing does not appeal to me, I wouldn't mind looking like her though.

"criticise their cooking"

...go on OP, I dare you!