Mardy Crepeys

[SheherazadeSchadenfreude]

Done it...

Crem - glad your dad is improving, if only slowly. Crossing fingers the recovery will gather momentum.

Herbs - ditto - although I'm actually 26. True fact, as ds2 would say.

Gah, dh finally gets round to ringing up to make an appointment for his blood test (after 2 days of me nagging, determined as I am not to give in and do my "secretary" thing) and then says:"What's the name of the test I'm supposed to ask for... TPI, er, SAE, er, RSI??". FGS, it's not even my arse at stake here and I know it's PSA. He's not an idiot but he does a damn good impersonation of one sometimes.

Crem, fingers crossed for continuous improvement for your dad.

Oh gawd...can someone tell me a joke? Don't ask. Have to find some jokes for the 'funny' page of this mag. Reader has sent in this joke

Two cats decided to have a race across a river. One was English; its name was One Two Three Four. The other was French; it was called, appropriately, Un Deux Trois Quatre.
So guess who won?
One Two Three Four did, because Un Deux Trois Quatre cinq.

so I thought I'd go for others that depend on hearing them, like this:

What’s the difference between a flea and a coyote?
One howls on the prairie, the other prowls on the hairy…

But I can't find/think of another apart from a truly filthy one I'm very fond of but is unprintable.

Hellllllllllllp

Stropps, sounds like a head in the sand job to me (or just a typical man!).

Crem, glad to hear things are a little better for your Ddad; fingers crossed that now he is on the mend, albeit slightly, he will pick up properly soon.

I know I am older than all of you, but I guess I still feel about 24 (or at least I do when the wretched back isn't hurting). What do I regret? Probably not having travelled independently; would I do most things the same again - yes.

Sorry, MI, missed your post and at the moment I can't think of a single joke, too busy thinking about what to cook for dinner tonight. Loved the joke about the cats, though.

What's brown and sticky? A stick.

What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot

How many eggs does a Frenchman have for his breakfast? Just one, because it is in oeuf.

Where would you find a tortoise with no legs? Where you left it.

What do you call a cowboy with no legs? A low down dirty bum

There's plenty more where they came from!

I like the oef one. In fact have found another French one too...so perhaps could stay French...

For this I have an Oxford degree.

Then there all the 'my wife's gone to the west indies' ones.

You know: m w g t t w I
Jamaica?
No, she went of her own accord.

My wife's driven to mid wales
Caerphilly?
No, she was all over the road

Etc

Or the what do you can a input with a washing machine on her head, systematic, etc.

I shall ask for the next issue. I might do cheese jokes next time. I like a theme.

MrsS has just emailed me a fab French one but I shall leave that to her. I'll tell you the filthy one when we meet.

So I can send the copy off...and go to hear mass childish voices raised in song

MI - some of our best comics are Oxbridge. Herbs' jokes however are terrible - not that I can contribute better.

Crem so glad your Dad is a little better. I've decided to update my vaccines having not done so for at least 20 years. I have an friend who caught whooping cough recently which has spurred me into action.

DD1 has a school report which shows severe slippage two months before the bac. I can't believe that she can jeopardise the university place that she's worked so hard to get. We'll be having words this evening. I also want to know the lesson she has consistently missed on Wednesdays - once for family reasons.

Hatty do you think the slippage is real?
It's not one of those terrify them into doubling their efforts mindfucks that some schools go in for is it?...

Herbs, the stick joke is the best joke ever...
In similar vein,
What's got a bottom at the top?
A leg!

Crem and everyone else beset with difficulties much sympathy.

Shall we all drink sherry on the 28th? Sounds like it could be a crepey signature tipple! Will get some warm tio -pepe-- chilled manzanilla in.

Herbs, stand up comedienne for your CV
And Cremo, glad your DDad is heading in the right direction.

Well I feel at least 72. After Parents Evening. But it could have been worse, I guess. Hope yours went better, Addle

I am up for giving the sherry a blast! But I will bring a bottle of Prosecco just in case it's too grown up for me!

My French joke (needs to be said aloud): What do the French Navy shout when they set off for battle? "A l'eau, c'est l'heure!"

I called my mother and told her about my hospital appointment. She said "Oh no, that's terrible..." "You've given me something else to worry about now!" I pointed out that this wasn't, err, about her. But I think it fell on deaf ears. I refrained from shouting "Pity it wasn't you!"

QQ - Maybe one of those mindfucks by the school but difficult to know. The trouble is I was closeted in my room at this stage before my A levels. She has always found things relatively easy but sometimes I think those that put in the work pass the clever ones who have never needed to. It will be a hard lesson for her if this is the case.

On sherry - doesn't exist in France and they will try to sell you something with cherries instead. After many years of research I have discovered the nearest alternative is Madeira wine.

I'm sorry Mrs S that story with your mother made me laugh. Any luck in resolving the hospital situation?

I discovered sherry on holiday in Spain, sitting on barrels, in my twenties.

BTM, think parents' evenings call for a G and T though....on my recent marathon one, other parents kept suggesting it as they waved me a cheery goodbye and went off sniggering...

at least 72 BTM - um a bit like hattie's - slippage in the last couple of months. glad I dragged him with me though, think it made more since hearing the nice and less nice stuff from the horses themselves

Mrs S - your mum certainly is consistent. good joke.

sherry ... mmmmm

Well we have had words with DD1, of course, it's always the fault of the teachers and lots of justifications. She is now on the phone moaning about us to a friend. I also hate the fact that she always works on her bed and her desk is untouched except for the pile of ironed clothes I left there for her to put away two days ago!

Hatty, dd works in bed lying down, her desk is covered with books that I suspect should be in use sometimes, and her floor is covered with clothes and wet towels. Someone is going to be so thrilled to share a flat with her next year. She doesn't seem to be working loads at the moment either, but assures me everything is OK.

Fwiw hatty dd also works on her bed as screech you cAnt see the desk for shite books and mugs.

Dad a little brighter tonight but whatever they hve him on causes hallucinations when he uses his eyes, which is upsetting him. He just looks exhausted as this is preventing him from comfortable sleep( plus sleeping in hospital is like sleeping in a war zone) Mum v weepy too.

Sherry sounds bloody marvellous. Schooners at the ready

Crem hospitals are the worst places for restful sleep. Fingers crossed that he can come out to his own environment soon.

I'm glad DD1 isn't the only one who lives on her bed. All three of them are currently in DD2's bedroom having a council of war about me.. DH is as usual keeping a low profile and whilst agreeing with me, is saying nothing to DD1 grr.

What is a sherry schooner?

MrsS, I never tell my mother anything - she worries about everything and witters on. Illnesses (of others, to be fair) are her forte

DD's was very mixed - some fantastic, some OK and others where there are issues. This is a bit of a change as in the past, every teacher has been very positive about everything. We have had a chat with her and how we can help. Difficult when everything you suggest is met with negatives, but I think I managed to move DH on a bit

lalsy, the bedroom sounds horribly familiar. One of my suggestions is that we get rid of the loft bed and try a normal (she wants a small double) bed.