The Crepey Cube

[cremolafoam]

I used to wear heels all the time, but very rarely do these days. I find I am out of practice at walking in them too, and worry that I am going to fall over. I did fall over once in Paris, on the very chichi rue du Faubourg St Honore and someone stepped over me.

I have just paid my company tax. Not due till July but I had the money .

I feel...lighter. Well, poorer, actually. But virtuous.

And have another deadline car-crash piling up ahead of me. I appear not to be starving in the gutter. But then I look at what it all adds up to and do rather realise that I'm not exactly rolling in money or earning what most of my Oxford contemporaries do either.

Lalsy it's because Unis pay a pittance for marketing people (likewise IT) so guess what?

I am glad it is Friday - has been a looooong week

Mrs S - were you caught up in the Kennington Poonami?

BD - I am sure, but I think they should either publish the info and pay editors (who usually earn less than marketing people) to get it right and consistent - which requires skill and thought - or say what one university did which is, it is too complex a course to write down - please talk to us. Publishing something incomplete or wrong and expecting people to know they should ignore it is poor practice I think. Especially when the bits of paper all say check the website for a complete and up to date listing!

I promise I will stop ranting about this now, and thank you all. Crem, I hope your situation is resolving itself now?

consistent? You want it consistent?! (you may realise from my sarcasm I deal with this stuff on a day to day basis......)

Horrible news. DP's dad has been given two months to live. I can't believe it.

Hers, I am so very, very sorry.

You know how you always assume things will turn out OK. And then they don't.

I know, it rocks your world . Be kind to yourselves.

He's such a lovely man. But then, everyone is, I guess.

Herbs, I'm so sorry. My dmum died of liver cancer .

DS will be so upset. He loves Dadda.

That's awful, Herbs. So sorry to hear that. I'm guessing he isn't that old either. :(

He's late 60s... so a spring chicken.

Very sorry to hear your horrible news Herbs. Take care. X

Oh Herbs. Like so many of us, we've been through this with DP's mother when DD1 was your DS's age.

Please use us as a sounding board as and when you need to - supporting a partner through a bereavement is hard in its own way.

Thanks crepeys. It's hard knowing what to do, isn't it. Just be here, I guess.

DS has a playdate with his very favourite person in the whole world later, and I don't want him to miss it, but may have to be on hand with my shoulders for DP.

Herbs, when my df was terminally ill, what made a difference to me was people just doing exactly what I asked (often practical things, driving, phone calls etc). My now dh was outstanding at this - no questioning, suggesting alternatives, discussion, nothing about himself - and it really helped when things seemed overwhelming. I have no idea whether I would feel the same now, or whether others would, but looking back that is what stands out. So sorry.

That's very helpful, thanks lalsy. That is, in fact, pretty much what I've said to him: 'just ask'.

Herbs, so sorry to hear this - my thoughts are with you, your DP and his family. You've received some good advice on here; sadly I am not surprised about the prognosis and time scale as I have had experience of people with liver cancer before. I think all you can do is to be there for your DP and ready to give him a shoulder to cry on whenever he needs it.

What's the best way to handle it with small children? DP wants to go and visit his family tomorrow, not surprisingly, but can't decide if it's OK to bring DS, or will he get upset with them getting upset? Is it best to be totally up front about what's going to happen, at this stage, or be a bit more airy-fairy and vague?

Obviously, with no mention of heaven or any of that BS.

I think if it really is just two months, it's time to start the serious conversation about how ill Dadda is. I'm not sure about taking DS tomorrow - I think your DP may need to be able to focus on his own grief and feelings.

Herbs, I have no experience (our dd was alive when dh's df died, but a toddler) but my instinct would be to keep him away from the first, shocked reaction. dp's family may need time and space and I think young children can remember seeing an adult cry, for example, for a long time. I think I would tell him that grandpa is very poorly and being cared for by doctors and nurses - which is the strict truth at the moment - and then see what he asks. Young children's timescales are very different from adult ones IME, so two months is a long time, and an educated guess anyway - you don't want him taking it literally.