Dh says I look frumpy others say classy and we'll put together. Help.

[lupo]

Just after an opinion. I like the way I dress, have a nice capsule wardrobe , am a reg lurker here. I am not a jeans and converse type of girl , which dh seems to prefer.

For example, last week I wore the grey Janice phase eight dress, tights, knee high brown boots and tan leather jacket. Dh said it was frumpy and I would be better in jeans. I like casual day dresses, have another phase eight Elsie dress , still on web, which I thought was flattering and with a cardigan and pointed heels. At work I wear ted baker jumpers, pencil skirts, jumper dresses etc. last year I saved up and bought the lovely navy wool Hobbs kasia pea coat and can't wait to wear it

Women at work will often say I look nice, my colour palette is navy, grey, black, deep purple sometimes. I have no intention of changing my wardrobe but just wondered if it did sound frumpy. As I said, lots of compliments from other women, just not from dh. What do you think. I am 38, size 10 to 12.

Thanks

TBH, flipchart, if lupo's DH feels 'uneasy' because she's wearing a nice dress, he needs to get himself some real problems. She should wear what she wears for her own pleasure, not his.

sunday
All of those replies sound really pompous.

All the DH has said is that she looks frumpy. There is no need for stupid comments about going on a shopping spree.
All she needs to say is that he looks like a scruff.
Nothing left to discuss!

Does nobody dress down when they get in and are staying in for the rest of the evening then?
That was the point I was trying to make Profondo

It's like I said, if DH stayed in at night in formal clothes, which looking at the pictures and the descriptions, I would feel like the work day hasn't come to a close.

Flip chart, my comments may not be agreeable to you but every comment on here is valid as we all have our own personal opinions and takes on matters from personal experience and just having minds of our own.

It would be sad if we all agreed.

"Surprise your OH by telling him whilst you are out that underneath your allegedly frumpy skirt you are wearing no knickers."

love this advice, brill!

I'm your age and I wear ripped skinny jeans and hoodies if
I feel
Like it. But mostly very casual clothes There is a girl near me of similar age and dresses like you . I do think it's ageing to be honest . I still look
Young and have messy curly blonde hair so smart doesn't really suit me . I can do it but as I'm very hourglass I look like Jessica rabbit and I feel too sexy . I expect he fancies you when you are dressed
Down but doesn't have the words to say it ( hopeful )

Sunday I just thought some of the comments on here, like I said earlier, were verging on LTB. All the stuff like 'he's clinging on to his youth'
For all we know it could have been just a throw away comment.
DH doesn't always like the way I dress. For example he hated it when loose flowing tops were in. He said they look like maternity wear. He doesn't like tunic and leggings. Never mind, I do.
I hate casual shirts being tucked in on a bloke. ( I think he does that one to annoy me!)

flipchart who are you to comment on what the OP is wearing? She has already said that she is wearing dresses to go out in in the evening, not for day to day. But even if she did - so fucking what?

We are all at liberty to wear what we like.

Who am I to comment
A regular MN poster like every fucker else here offering an opinion and conversation.
That's who!

But you are being vile about what she's choosing to wear, which is just horrid and unnecessary.

Flipchart, I don't do acronyms, what does LTB mean, please?

In fairness, I probably do come across as sounding pompous as I do get on my high horse sometimes and because of my own past experiences, I can't stand to see or hear about anyone being the subject of disparaging remarks or comments that reduce their self esteem.

I hope I am more motherly but appreciate my bolshiness may come across as being pompous, so apologies for that but I hope you can see that I am well meaning and only want for the op to have a positive self image. X

Leave the bastard

OP I think the dresses you mention do look formal, but I bet you look lovely in them.
I am a scruff when I'm not working, and so is DH (in fact he's a scruff all the time!), but as I get older I am becoming less enamoured with jeans and converse (although I do own both!) and more into dresses and boots.
I would be seriously pissed off if my DH called me frumpy. Although I have the opposite problem, if I ever wear a skirt and high heels DH won't leave me alone, so sometimes I wear jeans just to get some peace .

I'm not being vile.

Other people have implied that the outfits that she has picked are older than what an average 38 year old would wear outside a formal setting.

Personally I think people were being vile about her DH,but as others have pointed out it's a good job we don't have the same opinions!

sunday I see your question about LTB has already been answered but it is commonly used on the relationship board and occasionally on the AIBU board (sometimes, IMO justly, other times hysterically!)

I've just remembered something! My second ex, who is my children's father was younger than me and a wannabe rock musician. He was attractive but boy did he know it and think he was gods gift to women!

Well, when I was only a couple of weeks away from giving birth to our second child, he inadvertently walked into the bathroom where I was completely starkers and sat rather ungainly on the loo!

I've never been one to share my toilet activities with a partner in the bathroom and I suppose he was a bit taken aback and slightly embarrassed at seeing me like that and said rather crossly, "you look like an orangutan!"

Ye ladies, he really was a charmer. My revenge at being so insulted was to get ready and take our toddler son to play group where most of the mums stayed and chatted. Naturally I told them all what a rotter my partner was by saying I looked like an orangutan whilst heavily pregnant. Eyes narrowed, lips were pursed and there was much mutterings of how dare he!

In between his rock star wannabeing my ex dossed around for much of the day and was able to meet me at the mother and toddler group. On this occasion he didn't swan in expecting all the mums to gather round and listen about his latest gig, instead he was met by the silent glares of the other mums who like me, didn't really appreciate the sacred beauty of a pregnant woman being compared to an orangutan! Ha ha

If I allowed my DH to dictate what I wore all my underwear would be leopard print polyester . I'm happy to be told that I look lovely but any other comments or suggestions are not welcome mainly because I don't trust his judgement on clothing matters and also he'd tell me that I looked lovely anyway whether I did . My Dsis always looks lovely so I value her opinion and she's accurate and honest.

Thanks for the explanation of LBT. No I didn't mean that at all. I meant that the problem of him thinking it's ok to say things like that just as they are about to go out of the door should be dealt with and resolved. Certainly not leave him!

...whether I did or not

Was distracted be Millionaire Matchmaker

Sunday That's funny - Not you supposedly looking like an Orangutan but the collective silence and the, I imagine the group of cat's bums faces!

Sunday It wasn't you that was verging on LTB (that acronym again!) A poster was suggestion the relationship board, another one was going on about his possible insecurities and there was talk about control.

To me it sounds like it was a throw away comment.
Like when I got a new outfit once and I asked DH what he thought about this particular one and he said ' are you doing your best to look like your mum!'
There was an easy answer to that one but I won't say because some people may take me too literal and say how wrong I was and if a man did that to a woman blah blah blah!!

Yes Flipchart, it was rather amusing!

I guess that many people are tactless and make comments about other people's appearance without deliberately setting out to hurt them, although there are just as many who do want to cause upset, but the ops husband does need to know that his comments are upsetting her.

If he doesn't realise or understand then he is not being given the chance to thick before he speaks or chooses a more appropriate time to mention her clothes.

flipchart has been given a hard time, for, as far as I can see sweet fa! She has just voiced her opinion like everyone else and think she made some valid points.
The op didn't ask for an opinion on whether her husband was a twat or not, she asked for help with regards to her DH saying she was frumpy.
It really gets on my nerves when just because a DH or a boyfriend makes a negative comment it is assumed they are bastards, are these men not allowed an opinion like everyone else?

Sorry but I agree with the op's dh. My dsis also dresses beyond her age & it just doesn't look right.

I'm the same age as you OP - 38 - and am also a classic dresser. The majority of my wardrobe is in neutral colours, and I'm most often to be found in slim cut black trousers, a neutral coloured fitted polo neck, heels and a trench. I like to think I look chic, stylish, and dressed appropriately for my age (some would disagree, clearly!) Personally I wouldn't be seen dead in trainers (or any sportswear) unless I was actually going to the gym.

It's horses for courses I know, but I really think people are delusional thinking 38 is still really young and we should still be dressing like 20 year olds. I don't want to look like a young girl anyway - I'm a woman who's earned her stripes!