Dh says I look frumpy others say classy and we'll put together. Help.

[lupo]

Just after an opinion. I like the way I dress, have a nice capsule wardrobe , am a reg lurker here. I am not a jeans and converse type of girl , which dh seems to prefer.

For example, last week I wore the grey Janice phase eight dress, tights, knee high brown boots and tan leather jacket. Dh said it was frumpy and I would be better in jeans. I like casual day dresses, have another phase eight Elsie dress , still on web, which I thought was flattering and with a cardigan and pointed heels. At work I wear ted baker jumpers, pencil skirts, jumper dresses etc. last year I saved up and bought the lovely navy wool Hobbs kasia pea coat and can't wait to wear it

Women at work will often say I look nice, my colour palette is navy, grey, black, deep purple sometimes. I have no intention of changing my wardrobe but just wondered if it did sound frumpy. As I said, lots of compliments from other women, just not from dh. What do you think. I am 38, size 10 to 12.

Thanks

My husband would love me to dress like you. He complains because I am always in jeans and converse!! I would love to dress smarter too but work from home and there doesn't seem any point!

Really cheap shot of your DH to say you look frumpy. Very, very occasionally my DH has head-tilted at something in particular I'm trying on and has made a small comment along the lines of 'is it a bit old/shapeless for you?' etc. It's said in the spirit of 'you're better than that item of clothing', not levelled at me as a personal criticism.

Unpleasant. Pull him up on it.

Very quickly,.. Phase Eight Janice is NOT a frumpy dress. It's fantastic. I wish I had bought it.

I tell you what you could do.

mix in a few on trend items - eg the odd sexier skirt etc or fitted jumper. charge to his CC of course...

I've been doing this a bit though, got a jumper with button up back and sheer animal net part at top half. ITA it can be the way you style it.

Top Shop can have nice skirts, jersey, pencil etc... some men like e.g. keyhole details in tops (so they can see norks) - I was told this by a boyfriend!

Tell your husband that he should be a male model.

For Man at C&A!

www.advertisingarchives.co.uk/en/asset/show_zoom_window_popup.html?asset=19045&location=grid&asset_list=51021,51020,51019,38489,34551,34550,34549,34548,34547,34546,34545,30726,28130,27118,20643,19045,14510&basket_item_id=

[grins]

Pictures!

Sorry, what I meant to say was we need to see pictures of you. Then we can judge. Which sounds bad, but if you wannabe judged...

FWIW OP you dress a lot like me (and you're the same age and size). On certain threads we would qualify as looking French/chic/understated....

But the point here is your DH I realise, and I don't have anything to say that has not been said above.

"Frumpy" was a bad choice of words I suspect.

I do wear jeans a lot more than you in fact (SAHM - practical) and my DH loves it because my bum is my best feature. I don't do scruffy though - dark, slim-cut jeans with ballerinas or boots, nice knitwear and a scarf. I'm not dressing young or particularly trendy, but that's because it's just not "me".

I would wear all you said to work...but probably not out of work. I'm early 40s. I would wear the boots to work but they're a little safe for my liking. I dress for myself.. you are never going to win..one ex said i was too frumpy and needed to do jeans and trainers more (i don't do trainers or sporty clothes unless i'm doing sport!) another said he wanted me more 'ladylike' and to dress like a woman and not a girl.. grrr! Accept you will never win... be yourself, please.

Thanks all , next time he comments I will tell him that I am not sure I want advice from a 40 year old dressed as a deck chair.

A most excellent comeback

Noooo! We don't need pictures! OP dresses the way she dresses, she likes it and feels she looks well. Other women here and IRL have told her so too.

He dresses like a deckchair and she's the one that should change???

Wear whatever you like and feel comfortable without caring what other people think including your husband.

If I was to wear what my husband thinks I should wear, I would be a totally different person.

TBH, since you asked, I would wear the kind of clothes you wearing right now when I am 90 years old. I am 36 and probably I dress 'very young' for my age but I can't help it and I am happy like this, so that is what matters.

The best outfit of all is a nice honest smile.

Be happy.

Could it be that you have never found the right pair of jeans maybe? Do you spend a lot on them? I would say that the fit and design of jeans varies massively and generally the more you pay the better they look. I don't mean £400 a pair but £100 as opposed to £20 can make a massive difference.

Not saying that you should change to please your DH but maybe a compromise?

I do think that the dress (Elsie?) is a bit over formal for wearing on a normal day and the boots are definitely leaning towards boring - sorry! I can't imagine hoovering or taking the dog for a walk dressed like that?

Look, OP dresses well, it's well thought out, carefully chosen and put together, She's happy with her look and receives plenty of compliments. It sounds like she looks great.

Like I say: He dresses like a deckchair and she's the one that should change???

FWIW, there are worse things than a man who looks like a deckchair. I had one ex who couldn't be parted from his £2.99 jogging bottoms, and another who rarely judged a football shirt to be inappropriate for the occasion.

I don't think you should ever change the way you dress for a man. Fine to choose things you know he'll like if they are your natural style and you love them as well, but not fundamentally changing yourself.

However, in the interests of marital harmony and mutual respect and blah, could you agree that you will dress down a bit more during the day, and he will step it up when you go out in the evening?

MissDD WTF? Why on earth should the OP wear clothes with cut outs so that her DH can see her breasts?

As for animal print net clothes, jesus wept.

noooooo, no animal nets - never,ever,never

OP is clearly a classy, conservative, stylish woman - I bet she doesn't own an animal print

Has he just recently started saying this to you? Bit strange really if you have always dressed this way. Do you think he could have noticed some woman at work and he likes her look ? I don't think there is anything wrong with dressing in a way that pleases your husband, after all you want him to find you sexy don't you? I would be asking him a bit more about how he would like to see you dressed and why, then maybe compromise a bit.

Ask him why he thinks what he wants you to wear is more important than what you want to wear.

Unless he really does want her to dress like that because some woman at work has turned his head Rules!

You keep saying 'he likes women who...' - he should like you! I hope he doesn't point out women who he does like the look of?

He is being really horrible, he's picking on something about you which you are confident about and enjoy, and is putting you down. I hope he's a great husband in other ways - please pull him up on this, a proper chat about how it's not on to criticise and undermine you. You sound like you dress beautifully and are confident, there is no way in hell you should change. Some posters are saying some of the stuff you like isn't their style - the point is, it's your style and he should back the fuck off.

Make time to properly talk to him, not blowing up at him if he looks at you funny before going out, but a neutral time in the evening, and explain it's hurtful and that it makes you feel not wholly accepted by him, which you always should. Hopefully he'll be mortified at making you feel this way and only ever offer compliments in future. Please don't change the way you dress for him!

this thread is great, no animal print here though. just to say that in the day I am normally casual in smart jeans, nice jumper or berry cords with flat riding boot, leather biker. he normally comments when/if we go out in the eve and I have a dress on etc ie. why you all dressed up, are you going to a wedding?

I am 5.4, olive skin, small bum, slight tummy, dark natural curly hair at jaw line cut. he is the only one that says I am frumpy.

ok, think I will stick with my current wardrobe, mr deckchair clearly hasn't got a clue...thanks all

You don't sound frumpy at all.

Well that's what I was thinking Agatha as why else would he suddenly mention it after all these years. Wondering if he is having a mid lifer and fancies someone else and is trying to turn his wife into the woman he fancies in the hope that he will find op attractive again??? Just a thought.

Hmmmm, there is of course the other side as to why he is demeaning the op in this way. By undermining her, is it because someone has made a comment to him about how lovely his wife is and how on earth did he manage to catch someone as classy as her?

He could well be be feeling jealous and want her to be at his level and not look classy and therefore be the object of other men's attentions!

This could possibly be at the root of it, he wants his wife to look ordinary and not the sophisticated classy lady she is, so that he feels safe with her.

Men! whatever the reason he feels the need to become an amateur fashionista and make disparaging comments to his wife's appearance, I can assure you one thing, he will never think he is in the wrong! ;)