Strops, I will swap you your family gathering for mine if it will make you feel better. My faaaamily is like the Mitchells in Eastenders but marginally less violent. No-one has been privately educated apart from my second cousin once removed who won a scholarship to a London public school. No-one went to uni either, apart from second cousin once removed, who got banged up inadvertently detained somewhere, missed his finals and had to do an extra year. A few have HNDs (or whatever they are called now) from Polys. They meet up at weddings and funerals, declare undying love for each other, it's because we're faaamily, innit? They get very drunk, have a huge row about something quite trivial and don't speak to one of their relatives for the rest of their life.
They have disowned quite close relatives for the following reasons:
Someone being given a Catholic funeral when they weren't Catholic. ("I suppose because you're the widow you think you can do what you bleedin' well like?")
The disappearance of Auntie's jewellery being blamed on someone being a tea leaf. ("She left that to me, you know.")
Someone inheriting something that the others thought they shouldn't have, even though it was all above board and in the will.
And I've heard the following comment at a cousin's wedding:
"Is your dress second hand? It looks it, it looks a bit grubby round the bottom. No? Are you sure?" (This was to the bride.)
Uncle to his sister: "You're far to ugly to be in our family. Mum must have been having a bit on the side."
On the tooth front, I now have a shiny, new crown and a sore mouth.