Today I did a bad thing- bikini trauma

[GrumpyKat]

So today I went and tried on a bikini. In TKMaxx. What on earth was I thinking? Clearly it looked dreadful, I looked like a pale and flabby sausage in a skin two sizes too big in the worlds most unflattering lighting.
The problem is that I have to wear a bikini on the beach in just under three weeks. I've lost about a stone and a half since being quite ill last year and it's left my skin larger than me iyswim. And the illness means that I retain fluids as well, making me look odd and lumpy. I actually look ok in clothes, but DREADFUL when squished into a bikini/swimwear. I'm about a 12 on the inside and a 14 including skin!
Does anybody have any good body smoothing/toning techniques? Unfortunately I can't do any cardio exercise either so I'm just really....baggy. Particularly my thighs and tummy.
Please help!

My answer is to go for 1950's style swimwear, much more flattering.

Tankini with bottoms that are more like shorts?

Nothing would induce me to wear a bikini in a public place. Do you tan? Brown skin always looks smoother to me. Unfortunately I'm both baggy and candescently white - on the upside , I burn v easily so usually wear a big baggy tshirt on the beach anyway.

oh ffs

you will be fine

take it with you adn wear it.

You might want to try something like callanetics and/or light weights to start to tone up a bit. Some body brushing would get the lymphatic system going a bit and probably help with the fluid retention.
Are you able to do some gentle swimming? That would help to start toning you up.
I would also change style of beach attire too, to cover up your tummy, tankini style with shorts?
Finally, fake tan before you go, it will have a slimming effect.

Sarong?

Yes, I know that baggy skin feeling too. I don't let it stop me wearing what the hell I want though on holiday. Everyone is too busy fretting about what they look like and internally going 'eeek, everyone's looking at me' that they won't even notice you. Wear a loose beach dress thingy for walking to bar/loo etc.

yup aborad no one cares

plus you look more stupid in british style sarongs shit

Yeah I know no one will care except me! It's daft because I'm actually thrilled to have lost the weight- it's the only upside to a nasty disease and having to give up wine, gluten and basically everything tasty. The one thing I wasn't prepared for is that my skin doesn't seem to have noticed that the rest of me is thinner, so I look a little bit...crumpled!
I shall brush my lymphatic system and attempt artfully draped instead!

Oh forgot to say, moisturise like the devil too.

Swimsuit will be more flattering in the long run. Fake tan before you go. Kaftan type thing will help.

30 day shred for a couple of weeks and that daily fake tan/moisturiser stuff

1950's style one piece swim suit, Asda do nice ones with shape-wear panels in the tummy.

Fake tan, body brush, moisturise like mad. Put coconut oil on every night before you go to bed. You will be silken in no time.

Get a spray tan the day before you go on holiday. Buy the correct size of swim wear.

Have a lovely cover up, a light kimino style robe would be my choice, covers arms and thighs, but leave it open at the front to create a long thin column, this gives the impression of greater slimness.

Look at for Luna website. It's owned by a mn'er, and it's retro swimwear. Absolutely stunning. Even makes me feel ok about my 9 week postpartum physique.

Get a good one-piece, the suggestion of 50s type swimwear is a good one, they're always very flattering. Don't be too hard on yourself.

Get a St Tropez tan before you go, if you have time. Tan skin just looks much better except for leathery handbag face.

Some lovely bikinis here. I've just bought the Lou Lou set. It's very flattering indeed.

Wear confidence, good posture and a smile.

Sorry, cheesy but surprisingly effective.

Enjoy!

Aww thanks everyone. I shall go and peruse your recommended sites now. And then I shall brush! And moisturise! I used to do the shred but am banned from anything vaguely strenuous, let alone the shred!

I'm not sure about the fake tan bit, I'll check with the consultant, but not being fluorescent white/blue would definitely help!

Ok, I'm loving the for luna stuff, and lou lou. Does anyone know what the fit is like? True to size? Looking for a 34dd with a 12/14ish arse.

DO NOT!!! wear a one-piece!!!!!

I went on my first beach holiday in many years last summer, spent ages finding the right costume to tick all the boxes and out of a beach of at least 1000 people I was the only one in a flippin one piece. I would have been less noticeable had I turned up wearing a Ronald McDonald costume.

I am tall and a size 16/18 so thought a bikini would have been a no no but it will be the first thing I pack this year.

Have never felt so self conscious while covered up, everyone was staring.

I agree that you should definitely wear a bikini! Exfoliate, moisturise, a bit of fake tan and a smile -you'll look great!

BTW your post reminded me of something that happened to me last year that might make you smile...... I went into TKMaxx early summer when the weather here was dire and bought a bikini for our holiday abroad. I was a bit apprehensive about wearing a bikini anyway but thought 'sod it' and remembered all I'd read on here that made sense. Anyway at the checkout the guy took the bikini and said to me "Thats a bit ambitious isn't it?!" . I was mortified and didn't quite know how to react or what to say to his rudeness....until I realised that he meant it was a bit ambitious buying a bikini bearing in mind the crap weather we were having .
I was just so relieved that I didn't have a go at him!

I'm a 30GG, size 12 and ordered a 30G top (30GG not available) and a size M bottoms. The fit is great with plenty of stretch and support.

Agree that abroad at the beach pool, the only people in swimming costumes are 80+ year olds and self conscious Brits who manage to draw attention to themselves by wearing a one piece in the first place and then looking bashful in it.

I disagree, since having polyhydramnios with DD2, I have always worn a swimsuit instead of a bikini, thanks to the sag left behind by all that fluid. I am never the only one and I feel soooooooo less self conscious than if it was all on display. I got 2 lovely ones from boots.