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A Crepey is not just for Christmas...

999 replies

oldqueencrepey · 30/01/2013 08:43

It had to be done.
Phew that feels better.
Over here crepeys. All very welcome (but only if you're crepey).

OP posts:
Blackduck · 17/03/2013 13:44

Dunno OQC - dp isn't too bad (partly because he did all the childcare arrangements etc. when ds was small), but has got worse recently - I am the one who asks about homework etc. I think they will let you do it if you don't essentially dump it on them - gives them more headspace for what they want to do.....
A friend of mine had the school newsletter emailed to her partner - that forced him into being responsible/engaged because she had no idea what was happening so he had to handle it.
Trouble is a lot of schools still see it as the mothers role/responsibility too and that just reinforces things.
Cremo :) re packing - although same newsletter friend will not pack for her partner either.

Calling Stropps - you okay? How did hospital thing go?

MrsSchadenfreude · 17/03/2013 14:14

oh yes - Stropps - where are you? How did it all go?

motherinferior · 17/03/2013 14:54

I will say that DP would never even imagine I would pack for him. And he has, as usual, done the washing and hoovering this morning, which I understand is not the case for all blokes. It's just the school stuff. I am bored with being in charge of school stuff. I already have two degrees and grade 8 on the violin. I do not need to do all this again, dammit, it's like one of those nightmares where you're doing your O levels (remember them?) again.

Cremolafoam · 17/03/2013 15:04

I have to text all information to dh regarding school. He is allegedly unable to keep any of this type if information in his head.All the notes that come from school are handed to me for signing. I think dd is afraid he'll mess it up on purpose. It's a sodding signature Ffs . < stamps hoof>
I also am obliged to go to all the parent teacher meetings as dh 'would just be too embarrassing. '
I get dds point tbh but he does it deliberately.
MI I shouldn't grumble too much as dh does the ironing, but at THE Exclusion of All Other House Related Business.
This is why I am spending St Patricks Day sanding skirting boards and I am not In The Pub like normal Irish people.Envy

Stropperella · 17/03/2013 16:03

I'm here and not yet allergy-tested. Grrrr. 2 hour journey each way to have a numpty consultant rock up 45 mins late, no apology, no explanation (the nurses got twitchy and said maybe he'd forgotten he had any patients that afternoon) and then just take a bloody history he could have taken over the phone. What is the effing point, eh? Cost me £30 to get there and I lost a day's work. He said yes, I should be tested (oh, thank you SIR, is what I think I was supposed to say), but he would have to refer it to the bean-counters to OK it. Then he also took a history of my supposed anaphylaxis (which is not antibiotic-related), which centres on some unfortunate incidents in the early 90s and back then resulted in a referral to another NHS allergy consultant who assured me that I would need to carry an Epipen for the rest of forever.
Based on the history and subsequent events etc, the new consultant pronounced the diagnosis from back then a load of tosh and said I shouldn't bother with the Epipen forthwith. Although he couldn't "be absolutely sure, of course". This does my anxiety levels not a lot of good. Although, if he is right, it's good. But then why have they not ever reviewed this before? And how much else in my med records (rather fat ones, as it happens) is a load of outdated old bollocks??

I didn't even ask for this bloody referral. My GP made a song and dance after another allergic reaction to a different type of anti-bs in October.

MrsS, sorry to hear about the travails of the international move. I am not surprised you are not feeling too splendid healthwise. I'm amazed you are still upright and keeping going.

As regards family admin, I am effectively a single parent in anything to do with dd because dh doesn't have PR. He does not exist as far as the schools are concerned. And of course because it is like that for dd, it has been that way for ds too, although of course dh has no excuse in that case.

Blackduck · 17/03/2013 16:35

Oh Stropps grr on your behalf.

Dp doesn't have PR either, but that doesn't let him off the hook.

Blackduck · 17/03/2013 16:40

Should add, he is ds's father, but PR wasn't automatic when ds was born and we never bothered about it. Never been an issue (worries slightly tat it could be)

Only real issue with school stuff here is dp won't consider private under any circs, I used to be of that mind, but now feel differently.

motherinferior · 17/03/2013 16:41

Stropps, I think you should complain about Mr Prat the consultant. Appalling.

Thinking about it, technically DP doesn't have PR either although clearly our situation is different as he is named on birth Cerys and is bio dad and all.

Stropperella · 17/03/2013 16:47

But if they don't have PR they can't sign consent forms etc. At least that's certainly the case here. And school reports etc are only addressed to me in dd's case. Not so for ds. Dh - quite rightly - didn't want to tread on toes when he first moved in. Exh was still around and wouldn't have ever agreed to PR for dh, even if dh had wanted it, which he didn't. As dh moved into "my" house, in which I did things "my" way, he also didn't want to tread on my toes by taking over the hoovering, shopping or rubbish-putting-out duties either Grin. Sadly, despite mainly furious efforts at delegation on my part, it's still the same 10 years on. Dh doesn't even know which day to put the bins out, let alone ever do it. Still, at least I know if I ever have to cope on my own, I perfectly well can.

Re affording uni - horrible disparity between the half-sibs, as in much else. dd will be self-funding and entirely debt-free. Ds will be probably be looking for an apprenticeship. Or getting in debt.

Stropperella · 17/03/2013 16:50

Knowing what I know about PR, having had to research it fairly extensively when exh was still alive, being utterly barking and in and out of prison, I would make sure my partner had it if he was bio dad. But then if you have will etc sorted, it's prob not as necessary.

Blackduck · 17/03/2013 17:01

I know strictly speaking dp can't sign consent forms, but like MIs dp he is on birth cert, and no one had ever questioned it so he signs and has done so since birth.
Shall we not talk about wills?

Stropps did dd inherit some dish then?

:) at DH not wanting to step on your toes re taking out the bins

Blackduck · 17/03/2013 17:02

Dosh (bloody autocorrect)

bigTillyMint · 17/03/2013 17:09

I'm not sure DH has PR for DD either as we got married after she was born.
He is useless at most household stuff but has got better at being a responsible grown-up as the DC have got olderHmm

And he is more than happy to do all sport-related stuff with DS, including a mammoth trip to Stonebridge Park for a match/trials? after school tomorrow. Gets bored quickly watching DD's gym comps thoughHmm

StroppsAngry for you - what a waste of time, energy and money.

bigTillyMint · 17/03/2013 17:12

We haven't got wills either. Couldn't decide who would be legal guardians if we both popped our clogsBlush Am hoping that we both make it to the DC being 18 and not needing any!

Blackduck · 17/03/2013 17:17

Don't you get PR on marriage?
BTM you are married, which whilst not totally negating the need for a will, does, shall we say, make things a tad easier.....you would at least inherit. Currently if I pop my clogs my father gets the lot.....

motherinferior · 17/03/2013 17:25

We have wills. Frankly round here so many parents aren't married that no way would schools etc start making a fuss! DP had some convoluted reason for not wanting to sort out PR on the basis it would make me think he was leaving me. In truth I think this is part of his continuing campaign to get me to marry him...

Cremolafoam · 17/03/2013 17:44

It is my understanding that Yes you do need to have PR to sign school forms( or give parental consent) dh and I had to go to court to get it for dd( as she is our niece)
However I would assume that if you are the bio parent you would have it automatically . You can also nominate someone through the courts to have PR in your place ( my dm and dds gran also have it) this entitled them to take her on holiday when she was little.

Please make a will hags . The worst happened to dd and it was SO complicated and distressing to adopt her as my brother did not update his will before he died .
Hmm

bigTillyMint · 17/03/2013 18:01

Oh yes Cremola, I had forgottenSad I will talk to DH about it. Thing is, the people we would most want as guardians live far away and have their own DC and that leaves DH's parents or brother...

Blackduck · 17/03/2013 18:14

You get PR automatically if you are named on BC (since Dec 2003) prior to that, if you are not married, even if you are named on BC as a man you don't get PR - hence dp doesn't have it for ds. But like MI says unmarried parents are far more common so no one questions it.

We are the guardians for dp's brothers children - I have no idea why as when this was done (yonks ago) we had no children and no intention of having children so why they thought we would be suitable god only knows :)
MI :) :) at getting you to marry him...

oldqueencrepey · 17/03/2013 18:29

ahem ladies....

PR will be automatically enjoyed by biological fathers if named on birth certificate post December 2003, were married to mother at time of birth OR SUBSEQUENTLY.
PR can be acquired by a father by agreement with mother on proscribed forms which can be registered, if granted by a court order.
PR will be acquired for a child by anyone named in a residence order granted by a court (so if for instance a child goes to live with an aunt under a residence order)
PR will be acquired by a local authority if a child is made the subject of a care order by a court
PR will be acquired by anyone named in an adoption order in respect of a child.

You can appoint guardians for children in a will but this won't automatically confer PR and in the event of any dispute over where a child should live in the event of parent(s) death a court would need to decide.

As you were....

OP posts:
Blackduck · 17/03/2013 18:35

Thanks OQC - that was my understanding :) hence do doesn't have it...(ds born may 2003 and we are not married )

oldqueencrepey · 17/03/2013 18:39

But if you think it important / want to sort it out BD it is not difficult to do. Get correct form, fill in, send off...
Without being alarmist it does mean if something awful happened to you dp has automatic "standing" to make decisions re dc.
If, heaven forbid, you and dc were all in terrible car crash, dp would be able to give formal consent to dcs treatment etc, or as importantly disagree with proposed course of action...

OP posts:
Blackduck · 17/03/2013 18:40

Sunday evening meltdown here....oh what joy

oldqueencrepey · 17/03/2013 18:44

you or the dcs? Or both?
When I told ds2 that he had to turn PS3 off his immediate response was to swear at me and dh Shock Hmm

OP posts:
Blackduck · 17/03/2013 18:47

I guess as I said up thread I have never really thought about it and it has never been an issue. Certainly in all the times dp has ended up in A&E with ds (Makes us sound like a SS case!) no one has ever raised it. I think like MI said it just doesn't cross people's minds.