So I've realised that I don't know what "frumpy" looks like...

[Blackden]

and therefore there's a very good chance that I am extremely frumpy.
I read the Boden thread with interest.

Can you please describe frumpy? Does it mean baggy and shapeless clothes? At my age I can't be wearing those 'BodyCon' type dresses (not got the figure for them either )
Or can you link me to some frumpy stuff because I just can't visualise it.

And, what's a 'wrong side of 45' woman to do? How can I avoid looking like mutton but not look frumpy?

I've sadly realised that my mum is turning into a frumper :(

My mum was always immaculate in the 80s/90s but now she is 55, she doesn't seem to care all that much. I recently cajoled her into ditching her bootcut jeans and into buying some straight leg ones (it's taken me about 6 years) and she agreed that her legs look slimmer in them! She tends to wear a lot of patterned tops from Next, that type of thing and ballet type shoes. And her hair is style-less. The closest thing I can compare her style to is Englebert Humpledinck hair :( She used to have a lovely pixie crop and she is lucky enough to be able to pull that look off. I keep telling her she needs that cut again but she won't! Add into the mix various shapeless cardigans in various shades of beige and the frumper picture is complete.

Yes, that's true dexter - it definitely looks more like the second one than the first.

I thought so - I would find it hard to believe you would get chatted up in the first one!

You think you've got problems, Bupcakes? My mum looks like <a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?q=the+queen+balmoral+pictures&num=10&hl=en&client=safari&rls=en&biw=1687&bih=893&tbm=isch&tbnid=zmprNRe2PHaPnM:&imgrefurl=www.theage.com.au/news/lifeandstyle/fashion/balmoral-chic/2009/03/26/1237657068952.html&docid=1K5ZAGurTDKrNM&imgurl=images.theage.com.au/ftage/ffximage/2009/03/30/queen_headscarf_wideweb__470x313,0.jpg&w=470&h=313&ei=I2ESUIXGMdGDhQeek4HICg&zoom=1&iact=rc&dur=686&sig=109579034987890323782&sqi=2&page=1&tbnh=143&tbnw=214&start=0&ndsp=28&ved=1t:429,r:10,s:0,i:101&tx=124&ty=79" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">this

I'd prefer Queenie, bec! I actually think that for her age, she dresses very nicely. :)

I actually think i'd rather look frumpy then like an ageing teenager. (Cringe) As long as my hair looked good!

Nowt wrong with Next when you can't even afford a purse in Monsoon or Boden!
I also don't get these mummy fashion blogs either. I have only looked at one where she posts what she wears every single day. I'm sure she's a lovely person but...er...self obsessed and in need of other things to do much?

My mum has never worn denim in her life. And always has a matching bag and shoes. It pains to this day that i don't wear high heels enough.
I think i have worn some pretty shocking stuff in the past and now i can just chill out a bit. As long as i'm happy in my skin and don't wear floral blouses and A line skirts from the middle aged range at BHS I think i'll be ok.

Then my mum dresses very nicely indeed! She dresses exactly like the Queen - headscarf, barbour and green wellies for walking the labrador. Something like <a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?imgurl=www.thediamondjubilee.org/sites/www.thediamondjubilee.org/files/styles/lightbox/public/TQ-Leicester.jpg&imgrefurl=www.thediamondjubilee.org/forthcoming-visits-and-events&h=340&w=388&sz=17&tbnid=Pll8UWikgTWqmM:&tbnh=92&tbnw=105&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dpictures%2Bof%2Bthe%2Bqueen%26tbm%3Disch%26tbo%3Du&zoom=1&q=pictures+of+the+queen&usg=__nPGiEFAm5hjjj6Z3qxVoxjCO12U=&docid=-FZl9iBNU1jvtM&sa=X&ei=FmMSUN-AKdCwhAfB5IBo&ved=0CHQQ9QEwDg&dur=587" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">this for going out for lunch or church. My mum's a bit younger than the queen (Mum's 79), but they've dressed the same since the Coronation I reckon

Mum thinks my clothes are 'terribly modern'. Including my floral Boden skirts. ''That's pretty dear. They do make some lovely things these days don't they? How very modern." Like as if I was wrapped in some futuristic tin foil creation

Awwww you mum sounds lovely, Bec! At least she has a definite style, IYSWIM? My mum just looks anonymous, somehow. Like she wants to fade into the background. I desperately want to give her a make-over but she is so set in her ways. She complains that she looks frumpy/old but won't take on board any of my superb fashion advice

We know a lady who is the receptionist at the very trendy hairdressers in town. She is in her sixties and she looks stunning all the time. Beautifully done hair in a chin-length bob with fringe, all caramel highlights, lovely black framed glasses and always wearing stylish clothes/accessories. I always say to mum "Doesn't Rita always look lovely?" hoping that she will say "Yes, I would like to dress like Rita, take me shopping please!" :(

Thank you, thenightsky! Interesting that one of those jackets is also available in lilac - you can imagine the woman buying it considering the beige one, as more neutral, and then having a rush of crazy impulsiveness and buying the lilac one and telling someone later, "it's a bit silly, but rather jolly!" and feeling very pleased with herself. Good for her. It's the women who buy the beige ones that bring a lump to my throat.

Today my internal frumpometer is dangerously in the red zone. I went out with some old workmates last night, who are, to a woman, fiendishly gorgeous and stylish. I do not look like them. I'm working at home today in a maxi-dress and no shoes and dd1 said when I went up to my desk, "aren't you getting dressed, mummy?" hm.

Ha Ha Vezzie! Reminds me of quite a few years ago when I was wearing a (what I thought) stylish wrap coat with tie belt.

I felt tres chic until I heard a child announce (loudly) to her mum

"Why is that lady wearing her dressing gown?"

Never has a coat gone to the charity shop so fast

I have to go to the shops later so I hope no one reports me to mn as The Sort Of Person Who Shops in Nightwear.

A few years ago I did some presentations training at work and found that, if you have to do something vaguely in the vein of some sort of presentation, much, much better to prepare it as a formal presentation, stand up, do it properly. It will be clear that you have prepared, and also clear that you are doing it better than if you hadn't. Before I had a sort of low-confidence impulse to minimise the presentationy aspect wherever possible; sit down if you can, maintain a very loose informal atmosphere - which I thought meant that people wouldn't think "why is she doing a presentation, she is rubbish", but actually just weakens your message because you are communicating less strongly.
Similarly at my grand old age (40) I think I have to make an effort with my, ahem, "style". There is a tendency to think people will think "why is that old minger attempting to mitigate her hideousness with accessories" but the opposite is true - trying to look better just, simply, makes you look better.

The downside of this apparently uplifiting and positive conclusion is that I am now forced by logic to do something about it.

Spray tan today (I know.... but going on holiday and want a kick start) and feel one trillion times less frumpy than yesterday. Even though I thought I looked alright in my Zara skinnies and drapey t shirt.

My mum is so not frumpy. I sometimes wish she was!

Bupcakes - I'm 52 - would your mum wear leggings and a long linen tunic? I'm classic (I am , I am).

My mum's nearly 76 - she wears leather trousers and satin blouses and leggings and knee boots and everything. When I was 8, I wanted her to wear a cardi and sensible skirt like the other mums. I turned into the other mums.

Given my previous posts, this feels a bit pot / kettle, but I think my mum has been a frump since she was 20. She adores her mid calf-length floral skirts and normally wears them with knackered beige mules that she's worn day-in day-out for a year. Like these but almost flat.

She loves bright colours, and her attitude seems to be "if you can't decide... wear them ALL!" Once she put on a straight black skirt, and she was utterly transformed! Her stomach suddenly appeared much flatter, her hips and waist appeared, she had an amazing figure! I told her how amazing she looked, but the minute the event was over, she was straight back to her massive flowery skirt and awful mules, because they were comfortable. It makes me sad because she can look so nice when she tries.

I've bagged up some bits for the charity shop, but the job isn't finished yet. I am starting to look at my clothes with new eyes. I seem to have mentally categorised everything up to now. "That's a work top. That's a going-out jacket" etc, so they can NEVER be worn for something different. I'm realising there are some good things in there, I just need to think about how I wear them. Oh, and figure out how to accessorise better or at all.

"Bupcakes - I'm 52 - would your mum wear leggings and a long linen tunic?"

I have been trying to get her into this kind of get-up for AGES. (Hell, I wear this kind of get-up sometimes!) She won't have it, though.

Calling all the pears - I last bought jeans 6 years ago and have not been able to get a pair I like since then! I have a small waist, big hips, enormous arse, thighs and calfs but found these in TKMaxx last Friday and I love, love, love them. They hold in my tummy, slim my legs and look much more on trend than my 6 year old gap boot cuts. I am 5ft 6in 12/14 and the 30 waist with 32 leg are perfect.

Have been following this thread with interest. If you feel in a rut I find it helps to buy a complete outfit - ie trousers, top, jacket, belt, scarf, jewellery, shoes etc. This means you have one complete outfit that works and usually you'll find the accessories especially will work with other things you have. I used to buy lots of clothes but then never looked pulled together because I didn't have the finishing touches like belts.

My other tip is taking photos - spent a weekend in a hotel in London last weekend and have lots of photos now of myself in 4 favourite outfits. The photos have made me realise that my favourite converse are a bit too old and battered and that my comfy black chino style trousers really need to be traded in for a smaller size and that my legs are not as bad as I thought (I wore a breton dress at DHs request that I always felt was a bit too short).

My 67-year-old mum turned up to see me the other day, dressed in her Zara floral skinnies (!) She is actually becoming more stylish as time wears on.

My stepmum is 77 and always looks amazing too - but she is more from the Joan Collins style of dressing; lots of classic, immaculately cut, expensive clothing, everything coordinated, but not cutting-edge particularly. She's not afraid of bright colours, and she always has the latest nail colour. Whenever I go and visit I am dragged upstairs as soon as I step in the door to see her new purchases.

You are never too old to make an effort with your appearance.