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Original poster

White dress for a wedding (as a guest?) - a no no?

112 replies

LadyThompson · 30/03/2012 10:08

I am sure it's been asked before, but...I want to wear a white linen dress. Is that a faux pas these days? It's fairly long, but not at all bridal (I don't think). Plus I am planning to dress it up with a deep pink wrap and fascinator and animal print shoes.

OP posts:

BlingLoving · 30/03/2012 10:15

Technically, this is absolutely a no no. And I personally would never do it.

But then, my mother also drilled into me that wearing black to a wedding is a no no and people do it all the time.

I wouldn't wear a white dress. But if you feel you must, please accessorise it with lots of colour. Will you wear your wrap all day? If not, think about how it will look when you don't have the wrap. Can you wear colourful shoes and/or jewellery?

Helltotheno · 30/03/2012 10:17

Honey if it was my wedding, you could wear all white if you wanted but unfortunately society dictates that the above is a mortal sin for which you will surely go to hell :)

MrsCampbellBlack · 30/03/2012 10:20

As long as you don't wear a veil am sure it'll be fine. But do check the bride isn't doing a casual thing - you really don't want to be in the same dress as her

Personally I wouldn't though - there are so many other colours out there but if its all you've got then am sure it will be ok.

MadameMessy · 30/03/2012 10:21

I wouldn't wear black or white to a wedding, but if you realy wanted to you could just ask the bride or groom?

tinymouse · 30/03/2012 10:23

i wouldn't do it

Sarcalogos · 30/03/2012 10:27

I wouldn't do it. And people always make the face at people who do, so unless you want to be THAT woman...

Original poster

LadyThompson · 30/03/2012 10:30

What even with a coloured wrap, fascinator, shoes, bag and a cardigan for later? Wowzers.

I'm not sure I want to bother the bride about it. And I know that the groom won't give a toss anyway.

OP posts:

BusinessTrills · 30/03/2012 10:31

If the bride doesn't mind then you can, if you like.

But be prepared for people to give you funny looks, because a lot of people do think that it is a faux pas.

Original poster

LadyThompson · 30/03/2012 10:31

The coloured dress I had been planning to wear is too big for me now and looks awful (I'm a good stone lighter than I was when I last wore it) and I have this nice white dress that I've only worn once. Can't really run to buying anything brand new...

OP posts:

MrsCampbellBlack · 30/03/2012 10:33

Well if you don't have a choice then wear it but in an ideal world - well white is not the best colour for a wedding guest outfit.

Original poster

LadyThompson · 30/03/2012 10:34

Business trills - thank you, you have made up my mind. If people are that tragic that they have nothing better to do than make cat's bum faces at the colour of another guest's dress on someone else's happy day, well, I am definitely wearing it. I am not going to upstage the bride. It's her wedding day! And she will be in a beautiful wedding dress!

OP posts:

thomasbodley · 30/03/2012 10:35

It's just a bit inconsiderate, I think. You have 364 other days of the year to go for those colours, so why deliberately wear the same colour as the bride?

If white (or black) is your most flattering colour, you can always wear other colours with a white jacket, say. Or wear a coloured coat on top of your white dress?

BusinessTrills · 30/03/2012 10:37

It's the difference between manners and etiquette

Manners is about making yourself pleasant. Don't talk with your mouth full.

Etiquette is about obeying an arbitrary set of rules. Hold your fork prongs downwards, even when eating food that is more easily scooped.

When it comes to etiquette, you have to consider who might be upset/offended/shocked if you don't follow the rules. If the answer is "nobody that I care about, and it's a very silly thing to be shocked about" then there's really no reason to follow that particular rule.

LST · 30/03/2012 10:40

Really!? I wouldn't of thought twice about not wearing a certain colour if I liked it! Wear it!

thomasbodley · 30/03/2012 10:41

If you're feeling the need to question your choice of outfit amongst strangers on an internet forum, you're probably not entirely comfortable with your choice. Which is a sad note to start a happy day on.

Original poster

LadyThompson · 30/03/2012 10:43

I think I will. I am certain that the bride and groom won't notice/mind and I only really care what they think. Plus, worn with plenty of another colour I don't think it will stand out too much. I have convinced myself!

OP posts:

Original poster

LadyThompson · 30/03/2012 10:44

No, thomasbodley. I just dimly remembered the old adage and wondered if people thought it was still relevant. And on reflection, I have decided it is not relevant in this case, and I am looking forward both to the day and to wearing my lovely dress.

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Helltotheno · 30/03/2012 10:48

Good on ya LadyThompson! Tell us the date so we can see if there's a headline in the paper the next day about a woman hanged in the village square for having.... dare I say it... a white dress at a wedding!

Slap on some pink accessories and enjoy yourself :)

rookiemater · 30/03/2012 13:10

Well i see you have made your choice but personally I wouldn't wear it.

Perhaps the bride won't care but I am sure that every other woman at the wedding will wonder why you chose to to wear that dress.

I went to a friends wedding recently and there was a lady in a white lace short dress with some sort of dead animal hair piece on her head. Turns out she was the brides sister and was making some sort of deeply unpleasant "statement" by wearing that particular dress, oh and her face was like thunder the entire day.

Not saying you will be like that, but its not an old adage, its still an etiquette rule and in wearing it you will automatically be drawing attention away from the bride. But hey ho you do what you want.

Original poster

LadyThompson · 30/03/2012 13:43

I care what the bride and groom think and, thinking about it, and them, I really do not think they will care. But I don't give a flying fig what 'every other woman at the wedding' thinks. Why would I?

It isn't a very attention grabbing dress, or a short one. It's linen and quite simple. And with a cardi and a wrap it will probably look like I am wearing a skirt anyway. I will be not be drawing attention away from the bride for many reasons, including the fact that it doesn't look bridal, I will not be wearing a veil or carrying a bouquet or wearing shoes to match.

OP posts:

MumOfAPickle · 30/03/2012 14:09

I would never do it I'm afraid. And even if you think the bride is all chilled & would never worry about what you were wearing you'd be surprised what people notice and get a bit hurt about on their wedding day. Unless the bride is not wearing white on the day then its a no no. Just think about later, at the disco when the cardi and the wrap have gone. There'll be two people on the dance floor in long white dresses - the bride and you...

chipsandpeas · 30/03/2012 14:15

a friend turned up at a mutal friends wedding wearing a white dress and have to say she was the talk of the night....even a few years later it still gets talked about by the bride

EdithWeston · 30/03/2012 14:22

"I am certain that the bride and groom won't notice/mind".

Then it'll be no problem for you to quickly check with them that your assumption is OK. I expect there are some couples who do not mind the (deeply engrained) traditional bridal colour being worn by someone who is not the bride.

But it will be widely assumed amongst guests you are upstaging the bride. Mind you, a polite congregation will not let slip to your face that's what they think.

Helltotheno · 30/03/2012 14:22

even a few years later it still gets talked about by the bride

Just...lol

Original poster

LadyThompson · 30/03/2012 14:24

'The talk of the night'? On what should have been a happy day? How amazing and how pathetic. I should imagine any friends of the bride and groom of the wedding I am attending have a little more perspective.

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