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Original poster

White dress for a wedding (as a guest?) - a no no?

112 replies

LadyThompson · 30/03/2012 10:08

I am sure it's been asked before, but...I want to wear a white linen dress. Is that a faux pas these days? It's fairly long, but not at all bridal (I don't think). Plus I am planning to dress it up with a deep pink wrap and fascinator and animal print shoes.

OP posts:

urbanewarrior · 30/03/2012 14:24

All white dresses are not the same - would matter more if dress was very bridal. A couple of people wore nice white summery dresses to my wedding and it was only when someone else pointed it out on the photos that I even noticed. The only thing that would give me pause for thought would be if it was one of those very formal weddings, or I didn't know the b&g well enough to gauge whether they'd give a toss or not. With lovely pink accessories I doubt anyone will notice at all in any case. Have a lovely time

Ragwort · 30/03/2012 14:26

I agree that it is totally inappropriate.

I remember my MIL (of all people ) wearing a very pale cream dress to my wedding - and I was wearing a very pale cream dress too - both dresses had very similar features - that was over 30 years ago and I was furious .... the marriage didn't last that long (wonder why !).

Tooblunt2012 · 30/03/2012 14:28

I wouldn't wear it personally.

I still remember the girl who wore a white dress to my wedding (even though it was 9 years ago & I haven't seen her in about 5 years). It wasn't a flashy dress & did have coloured accessories but I did wonder why & know that others thought the same - seemed rude & like she was making a point of some kind (although don't know what that would have been).

knowitallstrikesagain · 30/03/2012 14:30

I wouldn't 'bother' the bride about it, just ask her if she minds. As you say, she is the only one you care about so hers is the only opinion to get, not ours!

And some brides do wear white dresses, colourful shoes and hairpieces, so might be best to check if you do actually care about what she would want.

MimsieD · 30/03/2012 14:31

I agree it would be safest to ask the bride. Could you text her a pic of you in your outfit? Brides can be funny (not ha ha). I'd say she's less likely to be annoyed by you asking if she minds your outfit than by you wearing the dress and it turns out she's cross about it. Also, once she's OKed it, you can go to the wedding with absolute confidence that the person who matters (Groom is soooo unlikely to care), is happy with your choice and to hell with them rest of em!

Ragwort · 30/03/2012 14:34

Can't you just wear something else? Even if you ask the bride she might feel awkward about saying that she would rather you didn't. And don't you think the bride has got enough to do without having to have an opinion on what you wear? Surely you have got something suitable or could borrow a dress from a friend or buy from a charity shop.

Original poster

LadyThompson · 30/03/2012 14:35

My sole doubt about checking with the bride is that she has got so much other stuff to worry about and organise, that it seems a bit fussy/Hyacinth Bucket to ask her, and I honestly think she will think I have gone mad. However, perhaps I will. The groom definitely won't care. If I turned up naked or in a boiler suit, he might raise an eyebrow, but other than that....But I don't give a hooey what the other guests think. If they want to witter about it instead of enjoying themselves, more fool them.

OP posts:

Original poster

LadyThompson · 30/03/2012 14:37

I don't have anything else that's suitable really. And yes, Ragwort, that is precisely why I wasn't going to ask her.

OP posts:

SquirtedPerfumeUpNoseInBoots · 30/03/2012 14:38

I wouldnt.

And if you think its "pathetic" that other people will talk about it and it doesnt bother you, why did you ask the question in the first place?

rookiemater · 30/03/2012 14:39

Well of course the groom won't care - he's a bloke. I pointed out this woman in white at the wedding I went to to DH and it took him about 5 goes to get what I was on about.

I wouldn't check with the bride either, i'm sure she is a polite person so what the heck is she supposed to say. I'm not much of a special snowflake but yes it would have bugged me if a guest wore a long white dress to my wedding, no matter how well accessorised it is. You must have something else in your wardrobe you could wear or use it as an opportunity to get yourself another dress.

Original poster

LadyThompson · 30/03/2012 14:40

Because I was curious what the prevailing opinion of a random cross section of people was. And now I know. And it has helped me to make a decision about it.

OP posts:

rookiemater · 30/03/2012 14:41

I see your post about not having anything else that's suitable. I'm sure that can't be true. i went to a wedding in England and was surprised that people weren't terribly dressed up -I'm from NI and live in Scotland and weddings are big occasions here. Most of the woman appeared to be wearing work trouser suits, ok perhaps not as elegant as a dress, but at least you won't spend the day with everyone staring at you.

SquishyCinnamonSwirls · 30/03/2012 14:42

I wouldn't do it.
It's just a bit inconsiderate really.

Original poster

LadyThompson · 30/03/2012 14:42

(That last post of mine was to squirted).

Rookiemater - as I said above, I am not buying a new outfit because we are rather short of money at the moment, and I bought this dress years ago and have worn it once.

OP posts:

knowitallstrikesagain · 30/03/2012 14:43

If you don't want to bother her by saking, don't wear it.

If you really want to wear it, bother her.

It will only take 2 mins to check. Although depending on how polite she is/how close a friend, she might say she doesn't mind but actually be upset.

Do you know the style and accessories of her dress? As I said before, if it turns out she is wearing white with colourful shoes and hairpieces you are going to look ridiculous.

TimothyClaypoleLover · 30/03/2012 14:43

There is no way I would wear white to a wedding but if you are happy to do so then do.

I personally wouldn't bitch about it at the wedding but I have been at weddings where a woman has dared to wear white and there has been a LOT of bitching and evil stares from other guests - mainly older guests.

SparkleandShine · 30/03/2012 14:44

Definitely NO

You have no idea what the bride will be wearing, if she decides to go low key then you WILL look like the bride

So no problem at all if she is is wearing a meringue but would be a real problem if the bride was less 'bridey'

headfairy · 30/03/2012 14:44

This might be waaay to far leftfield, but could you dye the dress? Or do you love it white?

headfairy · 30/03/2012 14:44

sorry too far leftfield

MrsCampbellBlack · 30/03/2012 14:45

So the prevailing opinion seems to be that you shouldn't and that has made you more determined to wear it

Ephiny · 30/03/2012 14:45

I wouldn't mind in the slightest if I was the bride - admittedly I'm probably not going to wear white myself, but generally I'm not at all bothered what my guests wear, I just want them to be comfortable and have a good time.

Personally I would hesitate to wear white as a guest, just in case the bride did mind, but if you know her well and think she wouldn't care, then it's fine.

Yes some other guests might be a bit , but if that doesn't bother you, then wear what you like!

Original poster

LadyThompson · 30/03/2012 14:46

Oh, this is all too silly....

OP posts:

TimothyClaypoleLover · 30/03/2012 14:47

Thats a point knowitall. My sister in law wore white bridal dress on her wedding day and accessorized with bright pink and green as she went for a tropical theme. If OP is accessorizing with the same colours as the bridal party it might look a bit odd.

Original poster

LadyThompson · 30/03/2012 14:49

Ooops, sorry - crossposted with some people.

MrsCampbellBlack - I have listened to all the opinions (thank you to all who have contributed), thought about the happy couple, considered the pros and cons....what's wrong with that? I think that's quite a sane way to make a decision.

OP posts:

MrsCampbellBlack · 30/03/2012 14:52

There's nothing wrong with it - just struck me as amusing to listen to the majority opinion and then ignore it.

But anyway - enjoy the wedding And remember no tiara

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