AVIDLY addressing the key questions that WISE women ask....like 'full refund or credit note only?' and 'what this would item actually be on a cost-per-wear basis?'

[notyummy]

Hello all!

Oh dear Amber.

Lots of good advice.

I think we're pretty similar and have pretty similar DH's too. So for example - DH would just not notice the mess and not bother at all if mil arrived and had to tidy up/make lunch herself and so he doesn't see why for me it would be an issue. Our domestic standards are just not the same.

So definitely throw some money at the problem. I so remember DH pointing out to me on one very black day that I'd had some time to myself as I'd had a bath - yes, that's a basic hygiene requirement!

How were things when you were back at work after DS? Presumably your DH stepped up more when you were both out working?

I do know that sleep deprivation is a killer - I never did any sleep training but DD did get a lot better at around 10 months. I know its not a popular view but I do think a lot of bf babies don't sleep through until around a year unfortunately.

Are you ready to stop bf? Perhaps cracking on with that would help and also when is DD due to start nursery - any chance she could start going for a day a week so you can catch up on some rest before going back to work.

Was lovely to meet the very beautiful Red yesterday - am sure people thought I was out with my daughter

Have spent the morning make cake and scones for FIL's birthday but now DS2 poorly so i'm staying at home on the sofa with him. Good job as spent lunch telling DD not to spill soup down her dress and promptly splashed it all over myself.

My father is so useless - had a stack of clothes to try on (in oasis, of all places) and have had to abandon it as he cannot cope with sitting in a restaurant alone with DS1 for 10 mins while DH takes DS2 for a walk/nap. Was planning on stopping by Kew for the sweater I linked the other day too. Boo to interrupted shopping.

I do appreciate that expecting my 75 year old father to want to mind my 3yo is a teensy bit unreasonable, however

Hi vin- funny how we are all calling you vin still despite name change! So pleased that have decided to leave and do what is right for you and DS. I have no idea re Waterloo/ Balham, not having lived in either area but I don't think that either choice will be wrong. It's just that it seems like a huge responsibility to decide on everything yourself, I expect.

amber- great advice from everyone already. I have to say that the majority of the arguments we have had (married 10 yrs although nothing compared to Portia) have been over split of workload when we are both tired and over stretched.
I think verity has put it really succinctly. It is no good being romantic now and again if day to day he is selfish and takes you for granted. I'm not quite sure whether you have had a really good, calm chat with him about the way you are feeling or not. That would be the first step.
If you have, I agree that you need to stop doing everything that you do currently. Stop iron in his shirts and doing his laundry, ask him to do the shopping (give him a list or get him to order online), tell him that you would like 3-4 hours to yourself every 3rd/4th weekend or whatever and plan something with friends on the agreed weekend. If you don't get on with MIL and weren't even planning to be around for lunch, I can't see any need for you to cook for them at all. It's his responsibility to entertain his own mother on this occasion. If she complains, so what? As long as your relationship with DH is strong, it doesn't matter what she thinks. (I do speak from experience of here).
I think it is definitely worth getting a cleaner and having the ironing done. However, I'm not sure that this will 100% solve the problem. I have the impression that you want some acknowledgement from him that you work v hard despite continuous lack of sleep and some demonstration that he appreciates this and wants to support you when you are at the end of your tether.

Thanks to those who made girl's clothing suggestions. I am going to get DD1 the Gap jacket also, annie as she has been particularly good recently and had asked me for a denim jacket a few weeks back. I might try the red/ orange lace dress too.

Vin- good to hear from you and hurray for moving on. Can't help with the decision as London knowledge not good enough, but am thinking of you.

Off to see friends and stay over tonight. Wearing new textured black mini skirt (not really mini) bought from the sale in Zara in Jan and unworn until now as slightly unsure. Think it works with fitted Breton to balance out top half. Wearing with opaques, low heeled grey boots and oversized short sleeved grey jumper over the top. Makes a change from jeans at the weekend. I m conscious that I spend virtually every weekend in jeans because I dress formally in the week- and it's worse in winter when I have not got range of maxis and flats to pop on!

vin would love to see you on the 17th..great that you are moving forwards but is there no way to get DH out of Your flat..regardless of where exactly you end up(and I admit I favour Waterloo)I'm sure it will all come good.

yummy love the sound of your outfit..because I don't work outside the home at the moment my wardrobe choices are the polar opposites of yours!DH is now reading 'nothing to envy' because I was so enthusiastic about it and calls the girls dear mzarshall and dear leader!

looby I felt wistful the other day as I thought all the thread babies would be born soon,then got very excited knowing your little one to look forward to in the Summer.also my DD1 has some lovely bright things from matthew williamson range at debenhams(not too expensive either)

slay I hope you used the grazia Whistles code..I Love that bag but would never fit my daily crap into it.

amber so much great advice especially from mim and verity ..definitely hard going when you feel so undervalued.

mrscb glad you enjoyed your meetup with beautiful red I wanted to ask her if you were wearing any leopardprint,white jeans or micro minis

ants sorry your DS's behaviour is upsetting you..toddlers do like to wield their power and it's hard not to take it personally

Still waiting. Have bought 2 pineapples.

Well done vin- hope you and ds are v happy in whichever area you choose.

Amber- you've had good advice from the others- agree with a calm explanation of how you feel combined with throwing money at it and perhaps a temporary lowering of your standards.

Will catch up with everyone else tonight. Am cuddling an under the weather dd (perhaps it would be better for the baby to hold on a bit longer after all), watching peppa pig and eating cake- not a terrible way to spend the afternoon!

ICC, hope the pineapples work!

Amber, great advice here, I hope he can see that he really is being selfish. The mess would annoy me too but I certainly wouldn't be ironing his shirts.

Verity, your mother sounds like a strong woman indeed.

Vin, which did you go for? Southbank is lovely in the summer, I think. We lived nearby (as did Ollie).

Ollie, the jeans will be lovely on you, I'm sure. I'm just fed up with flashing my knickers when I bend over the pushchair! What an image.

I say Waterloo Vin. Either way, a step in the right direction. Hope things are going well otherwise.

Hope yu enjoy your HoC session Amber. The advice given here has been so good, I shall not harp on, but agree that your DH needs a reality check as you sound to be at your wit's end and must be craving some support from him. The sleep deprivation will almost certainly be magnifying different issues, so perhaps a consultation with a sleep expert may not be a bad idea. Thinking of you.

MrsCB don't be ridiculous! Reine, she is one of the very few people I have met who could pull off all three, but none were sported yesterday!

MiM I remember that stage too well - I took to wearing DH's clothes as I refused to b more and couldn't bear the sight of those I had. Icey I hope DD is better soon - sounds like a great afternoon. The race is on ladies !

We had a great afternoon - drinks at The Apple whilst both DC napped (DS hasn't for 3 weeks - was blissful) and then on to this restaurant which is meant to be modelled on a street market, but is really a posh all you can eat buffet. The DC loved it. As did my sister and DH who tried to out-eat one another.

ggrrr lost a post as wasn`t logged in !

To shorten recap Sorry Amber about DH he needs to concentrate on your needs soemtimes not just his own.

Thanks for the 811 advice.

Thanks for welcome Fleecy, Ants and looby

Glad you got some peace hopefully

Wish I would look decent in bretons as that is a great top ollie

Having fun at inlaws tomorrow !

sometimes*

Anyone wanting new Converse? There's a S&B thread about getting them via Amazon using SPRING20 for an extra 20% off. Just picked up some charcoal low tops for 29pounds - they are 65 euros over here.

Hopefully code works for all shoes - maybe worth a browse in your spring shoe quest?

Oh bloody hell, have just lost a link filled post twice.

Short version:

Thanks Ollie, will have a look.

Think I'm going to order a Tan Dover from Oushka, but am also tempted by the nude in the interests of not being totally predictable and having a tan bag.

Saw some nice pale gold skinnies in TS today but no time to try on, will attempt to get back there tomorrow. Also impressed by lots of nice quality looking vests and t-shirts in Oasis, hope to get a chance to try them on too. Was also rather tempted by leopard print shorts despite not being in possession of legs that should be seen in leopard print shorts. I may have to try them on nonetheless. Think they would be nice with oyster or bright coloured blazer, simple t-shirt and ballet pumps.

pretty Actually boutique by Jaeger have got some rather lovely stuff.

Have spent afternoon on sofa with poorly 4 year old.

Now watching the lets dance thing with eldest - rather like Alex's shorts and shirt combo.

Hopefully - cute shorts!

Now what's all this nonsense about a cold snap - its spring!

And white jeans - well I think it has to be April. I got the 811's in white for this year and they're fab

Amber Great advice from Verity,I have done all of the above and had an aupair! My attitude is - whatever works!

Verity Your mum is a very brave woman.

Am wearing my black agnes with black kneehigh boots, grey long sleeved t-shirt, marl DVF cashmere wrap cardi with leopard print needle cord Isabel de Pedro blazer in shades of grey, feeling very pleased with my outfit today!

Lovely shorts Hopefully, they're the same print as my jeans, which I really do love.

Equally lovely blouse there MrsCB, I couldn't find the Whistles broderie one of which we spoke - shall wait till March to check it out!

Are white trousers a bit like white shoes and should only be worn after memorial day (End May) and before labour day ( early September)?

Very pretty blouse MrsCB.

Red - its the top with the statement skirt here

Now I have a yen for a chambray shirt - figure it'll work well with white jeans - that's not too double-denim is it?

MrsCB I was thinking the same. I love chambray and some of the shirts on the MD website but I fear I can't pull off the shirt and jeans combo - I just look butch! H&M had a nice fitted chambray shirt in last week too. No, it does not count as double denim. What would you wear on your feet?

I did the Dressipi website thing and its banging on about my broad shoulders (same width has hips as it turns out). Keep thinking with my hips, tummy and bum, thats the least of my worries - but some good suggestions on there.

Ollie - this one also nice

DH has just called me podger - he may not survive the night.

i gaven't bothered to do the dressipi thing because i'm lazy, but suspect it would get fixated on my broad shoulders too Ollie - my shoulders are absolutely straight and square and very broad. i live in fear of bulking up with Shred and having butch shoulders, despite NY's assurances.

Red i really like that the leopard isn't too loud. i may have to put them on just to prove to myself that I shouldn't. possibly i will wax my legs first.

MrsCB definitely not too double denim, as long as it's nice and soft.

Also watching sport relief dancing, just had an interesting conversation at cross purposes with dh because i hadn't looked up and thought we were actually watching Kylie

kill him now MrsCB

I think it would be fair to be honest Hopefully - no jury would convict

Amber - I hope you've had a lovely time this afternoon

ooh yes, Amber i'm so excited to hear how you enjoyed HoC!

i have been relegated to my father's old ipad because he is playing a flying game on mine. does he not realise he is a pensioner?

Oooh, MrsCB that leather statement skirt is gorgeous, as is the top.

that MiM and I gave Amber the exact same advice. Hope you enjoyed your HoC afternoon Amber

I spent the afternoon with my new sewing machine, just making bags for dd, but love the sense of achievement when you make something. I was looking out the window at the row of shops opposite, there is one vacant and I was imagining it as my flagship store When I was around 10 my dream was to own a department store, I used to spend hours designing floor layouts and carrier bags.

Portia love the sound of your outfit. It was so chilly here today I was back in my down coat.

Wow am overwhelmed with all your posts. Thanks for all your wonderful advice.

MrsCB yes it does sound like we have similar set ups. I actually don't mind the way things work generally but when I'm exhausted I'd like him to pitch in a little more. Am definitely going to get a cleaner, and actually my HoC consultant recommended one to me today.

Verity you are so right that it's not enough to be great at special occasions, and I will point this out.

Thanks to everyone else, and just so I don't sound like a total cow I will reiterate that he is great in so many other ways.

Onto lighter things, my HoC consultation was great. I am, as suspected, a winter and a sultry one at that! Great colours were navy, indigo, deep purple, magenta, carmine and charcoal. Am relieved as I think I subconsciously decided I was a winter a while ago so have been buying the colours! Was a lovely bit of time to myself!