AVIDLY addressing the key questions that WISE women ask....like 'full refund or credit note only?' and 'what this would item actually be on a cost-per-wear basis?'

[notyummy]

Hello all!

I have been awol but desperately in need of advice

(vin here btw)

I have to move house

TODAY

Do I move to Balham or Waterloo? (waterloo = bright sparkly lights of south bank, everything walkable, nice gym next to a hospital etc)

Balham= probably more DS friendly

Childcare in both places (wow)

YIKES

Annd.. if I can move house (away from P) and not lose all my clothes in the process, are you still meeting up this month?

Over and out

vin x

Welcome back vin

I vote Waterloo. Read back what you have written you have a clear preference even if sub conscious and it comes through old and clear in how you have described each place!

Yes we are still meeting up on the 17th.

Good luck with the move, whatever you decide. Does this mean you have left P?

Hi Vin, I'd also go for Waterloo. Best of luck.

Amber, it's porridge time!

Hi vin, I don't 'know' you, but sorry for the crap you are presumably going through. I vote Waterloo - there's lots of nice stuff on the South Bank, and it' easy to hop on a train to get elsewhere for days out etc if you get bored.

Thanks!! Balham = larger flat.. nicer floors...

does that change the consensus?

vin it has made my day/week or even month to read that you are moving away from P. I think of you often and hope life is good for you. Go wherever you think you'll be happiest. Good luck and please let us know how you are getting on

Waterloo! Lots of space along the south bank for SA to run around and lots of free events at the festival hall etc. Good luck and meet up is on and would love to see you there!

amber I'm disgusted with your dh, he needs to change his attitude and quickly. He can look after his mother himself. My MIL is horrible to me but I have disengaged, if dh wants to invite her to lunch that's fine but (a) I'll have something else to do that day and (b) he'll be doing the catering.

Looby debenhams worth a look on website? Also h and m ? Both have plenty of hideous things but some gems too in my experience.

Nope, still Waterloo

you know I'm about to walk out the door to go to the bank to transfer rent to one or the other Waterloo would probably be until September whereas Balham longer term, but I can always move to Balham after this I guess. I think, hopefully, you have made my decision. I guess there are parks etc for DS (2) at Waterloo and I like the fact I can just hop on a train somewhere we hang out like Richmond, and it's nice over the summer around the south bank (I hope?) Also I think seeing as we will hardly be at home (full time work, study and nursery) it doesn't matter so much about the insane lack of space. And the shower is a really good shower.
Balham though is my kind of flat, lovely wood floors, period conversion.... but it does have a spooky feel to it..
But both take just as long to get to the hospital (I tfl'd it, both would be about 26mins)

I'm so indecisive. I hate myself for my indecision! Waterloo will need some tlc (changing of curtains and so on, as they are hideous) but that can all be achieved

Okay... I think it's waterloo..... until the end of the summer....

Verity, I know I am rather amazed myself. I literally get the keys today! I have told P I am leaving but of course he doesn't believe I ever could or would, he gpt really nasty recently and full of vengeful rage etc at the concept so I am literally going to get the keys, move stuff probably this weekend or next week when he is not around, and not return here. it's a shame as I like my Greenwich flat but he won't leave it despite it being in my name so I have no other choice.

Right... any more votes...? Balham?

Hi vin lovely to see you. have no idea at all about London but glad you're moving and hope it goes smoothly.

hopefully I have the Asos Tasha shoe boots but in black and they are very high so I would only recommend if you're good in heels. Not one for tottery types!

amber I am angry with your DH and second hopefully's suggestion that you completely down tools if you can bear it. Do what you need to for the children but nothing for him and no cleaning. See how he likes it.

Have bookmarked the Zara blazer verity as I like it very much. Will try on when next in town. Sorry to hear about your family friend - very sad

Welcome slaymill

red we love murals etc as well. I have painted grass around the bottom of Ds's room and stuck animal decals over it (cheating!) with vines hanging down from the coving in the corner etc. It looks fab and he loves it. DD chose her room so it's sugared almond pink and rather overwhelming

I wish every online shopping experience was like Boden. They really have it nailed. Fast delivery, easy returns, and quick to refund. Now if only I could them to do a 'cool' section, like they've just introduced maternity and petite!

bloss tiny flat in waterloo on south bank

or

big flat in balham suburbia?

I'm leaving in 2 mins..

heeelp!!!

vin I like Balham a lot as I have always lived quite locally and used to go out there a lot (DH and I lived in Tooting and Earlsfield when we first got together) so I'd probably pick there. I am probably affected by the fact my commute takes me through Waterloo every day so for me it is a place synonymous with work. Very convenient though. My DS would love to live there - he is obsessed with the London Eye.

DH has taken DS to swimming so I am about to run round with the Hoover. I know I should just down tools, but I can't face the mess. Seriously, what do you do when someone is unable to see themself as they really are? Our relationship is so good in every other way, he is kind, generous, great with the kids and without wanting to sound like Brangelina we have a good time in the bedroom. This is my only issue with him but it's such a big one. It makes me ask myself whether all the other good stuff is worth just accepting his selfish side? I think it will always stick in my throat, though. Hum.

Amber what does he say when you spell it out to him? What would he do if, eg this morning you had just dumped the DCs on the bed where he was lying in while you got on with getting everything ready for his MIL? Have you actually sat down (when not steaming mad at him) and gone through exactly what needs doing every day and every week, and shown him how much of it you are doing on no sleep? Personally I would be having a proper screeching hissing fit at him in the morning every time that he announces he needs a lie in or whatever. I have always said I would rather my children saw me arguing with their father than being walked over (not that you're being walked over, but you know what I mean. I think it's important for DCs to see that you matter too). I think it is v easy to get into the habit of thinking that you matter less than your DCs, your DH, your clean house, your clean laundry, basically everything. Although I think getting a cleaner would improve things a lot, I think it's important to address the actual issue too - namely your DH deciding he is more important than you in this respect.

Ooh, that was a long paragraph. I get slightly het up about DHs not doing their fair share. I used to get steaming when discussing NYE's XH with her too

Fleecy thanks for the shoe feedback. I don't think I am tottery, but lower heels would probably be sensible at a wedding where I may have to chase DS1 at any moment.

Have turfed out DH, the DSs and my dad to the local aviation museum [yawn] so have a few minutes' peace and time to catch up on some work

For your MIL, sorry.

Vin don't stress too much about which one, either choice will be great because you will be away from P. I empathise so much because my own mother was in exactly your position at one time. She secretly rented a flat and moved when my dad was away on business. I was four at the time and remember it vividly, even what I was wearing - red jumper with 3 gold buttons! It took a lot of guts to do what she did especially in 1970s Ireland where women were expected to put up with their lot. She is a great role model, and that's what you are for your ds.

Look after yourself, you are doing the right thing, don't worry about the curtains

Amber I don't think you can just accept his behaviour without resentment and bitterness creeping in. There's no point in being all lovey dovey on Valentines day, or treating you on your birthday if the other 363 days of the year his needs are more important than yours. The only way around that would be if you could solve the day to day issues without his input, i.e. by paying someone else to clean/wash/babysit. If I were you I would
a. suggest counseling so he understands this is fundamental to your relationship
b. get a cleaner
c. outsource the laundry
d. find a babysitter so you can catch up on sleep during the day
e. find a sleep counsellor or whatever they are called to get dd sleeping through the night in her cot.

We used to co-sleep, in fact at one point we had a 9ft wide bed where dh, our toddler and baby and I all slept together. It was lovely and snuggly but I didn't sleep a wink for years. by the the dd came along the boys were in their own beds and she went straight from her moses basket to a cot and NEVER spent the night in my bed. You live and learn

Hey Vin, good to hear from you. I vote Waterloo too, great location. Very glad to hear you are moving from P too. I hope happy times are ahead for you.

Amber you have my sympathies. The thing is, if the downing of tools stresses you more, i.e seeing dust build up, shirts un-ironed etc than its not worth it. Personally, I would sit DH down and say that something has to give, and that you cannot manage in the current situation. Next week, get a cleaner organised and send some of the laundry out. To me, otherwise you are in a lose-lose. DH isan't seeing the problem, and if you try to emphasis the problem, you'll be more stressed. I really think this is your best option at the moment.

As for doing the lunch for DH and MIL, thats a lovely thing to do, but why do you feel the need to do it when things are so hard for you? If she is the cow-bag you describe then it won't matter if you serve up a 5 course meal, she'll still have the same opinions. Preserve your energy.

As for DD, have you considered some professional advice re sleep training? Might be worth a thought. Hope you have a good time at HoC, can't wait to hear what they said.

Oh dear. My bump is so big, that I can see a line of flesh exposed between my jeans and top. I am in clothing hell, of rotating about 2-3 things now. Bored, bored.

Cross posts Verity, great minds and that.

Swimming lessons are bad for your shopping habit. Sitting enduring watching DS2s swimming lesson and just brought the following via iphone
Massimo Dutti top to wear with white jeans and hopefully(if they fit) DeCameron's navy Nobody's and this jumper in the grey again to wear with white jeans - may be too long but I hate to see a good discount code go to waste. Brought DH some plain white t's to justify the P&P!

Vin I have not advice re locations, (tho my sister's friend lives in Balham and loves it) but really pleased to see you making the break from P, however hard it will be.

Amber I loved Verity's post to you - couldn't agree with it more. Resentment can so easily build into such a huge marital issue. It sounds as if its difficult but DH has to be made to understand how you feel when he acts like that.

A quicky to say Vin how fab to see you! Either Balham or Waterloo is great, so go for it. Be great to see you at the MU on 17th.

Amber - Love Verity's and MiM's advice too. Outsource, buy some help to get more sleep, which will give you the space to talk to your dh.

Great weather again. Just took ds2 for a long walk, lots of smiling out there from random people, in this Spring-like weather.

Ooh nice tops Ollie can really see you in them, especially the blue and white stripes.

amber I second mim and verity's advice. Buy in help. I have a cleaner twice a week who also irons. Send his shirts out to a wash and iron service. Have you heard of Milpond? They are the sleep consultants we used for DS. I think enough is enough really. I hate to see someone so put upon.