Planet of the Crepes

[DukesOfTripHazard]

New bowl of crisps, tuck in Ruby!

I am thrilled at this Pixi lust. Another of their things wot I like is the cheek gel in natural. It doesn't stay on very long but while it does it's well pretty.

I felt a bit rubbish yesterday and spent much too long hunched over the computer looking at not very edifying things. Today is better. Have shredded, spot cleaned the stair carpet, written a letter to DD who will be at an outdoor pursuity place with school next week and am now going out to buy some fabric conditioner at Wilkos. When the mice are away the cat does rather boring things, it would seem .

I am in my second day off avec les Inferiorettes. We went to see a rather good and thought-inspiring play at the National yesterday morning (although at the moment my children's concerns with Big Social Issues are getting quite wearing: it would be nice not to asked is that cake fair trade ffs) and went into town and bought books and came home. And today we are all utterly exhausted - including poor old DP, who had to drag himself to work. DD2 has managed to stagger over the road to play with her BFF but I suspect we are all going to be quite immobile this afternoon.

Am also utterly bored with cooking. I go through phases with cooking. Sometimes I love it. Sometimes it just feels like endless drudgery. Have bunged on some puy lentils to cook with various things, which will make the basis of a nice and effort-free supper.

Also feeling Upstaged by my Ex. An Ex of many, many years ago whom I still feel in the shadow of. Is it normal to feel like this?

dunno MI, but spent the morning torturing myself looking at fellow PhD colleague on web who I feel has my job (and has published my book). I should have got over this by now, I made my bed (and my crappy choice) and now I have to live with it......

I am going to book sometime off - need some headspace....

MI and Blackduck, this Baz Luhrman/Sunscreen quote for you:

"Don?t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you?re ahead, sometimes
you?re behind?the race is long, and in the end, it?s only with
yourself"

Go Ruby! How? What was the problem?

THat quote makes me feel worse as I just feel it equates to 'accept you're second-rate'!

To clarify the ex thing: he was always the Important One. (Lefty journalist.) I worshipped him, as being Brilliant And Important. (I was also quite unpleasant to him, as I did feel dreadfully inferior a lot of the time.) His Important Career and Brilliance were in fact important to both of us; my work kind of fell into the background, and he certainly wasn't interested in talking to me about it in the detail that I was expected to be interested in his.

That was a looooong time ago. He left me - breaking my heart at the time, really quite badly - and went on and has written a couple of books and we're still kind of in touch; he has not exactly reached the heights, I have to point out, that were expected for him. He got married, briefly, to the girlfriend from two before me, which did make me feel considerably crap at the time (as it rather made me feel that all my - and indeed others' - heartbreak and investment in him were merely interruptions in their great love story), but AFAIK he's now back to a series of relationships that peter out in the end.

But he's mates with friends of friends, and I still feel frightfully upstaged in many ways by him. Unreasonably so, I suspect. And I do not like feeling preoccupied by him, for many different reasons. He is not nearly as nice as Mr Inferior, I have to add - not least because DP rather respects my job and doesn't e

..xpect me to be subservient to his (in its own way rather fab) career!

Splurge over...

I don't see the quote like that. But it occurs to me that it might be difficult when you've worked to achieve a first rate education to accept anything less than exceptional from yourself. My educational achievement was well shoddy.... still feel I'm falling short of what I'd like to do in my work though.

A lot of this, of course, is because we are gurls . We under-rate the things we have achieved.

x post!

"he has not exactly reached the heights, I have to point out, that were expected for him". And he knows that. And it must make him miserable. Your life sounds loads better than his.

I am drinking a bottle of remarkably nasty wine that I purchased solely because it is only 10 per cent alcohol. (An M&S rose.) It is in fact only drinkable with added creme de cassis....

I have been to Decathlon with the Schadenfrauleins (large and small) to see what they needed for their ski trip next week. I rather bossily ordered them to try on everything from last year and to make a note of what didn't fit and bring it with them. They did so, but forgot to bring the list, so we spent a disproportionate amount of time there, with me saying things like "Do your snow boots still fit you? What about your fleeces?" DD1 needed a new ski jacket but didn't like anything that they had, which means a visit to Go Sport at La Defense tomorrow, which will be hell.

I am now slumped on the bed with the Schadenkatze (grosse). DH has come in to say "There is no wine."

"There is Champagne in the fridge," I snarled. "Pour that."

I'm not even due on.

I am on the pink cava (late b-day present), courtesy of my bro, who we saw today at my mother's. Talking of feeling like a failure - db was The Dim One Who Will Never Amount To Much. I was The Brainy One Who Will Go Far. Har bloody har. In fact, I turned out to be "the one with the MH probs who has made shite decisions and will never amount to much and in fact struggles to keep her head above water despite a reasonable academic track record". Whereas db has a kickass job in the corridors of power. And a v. good line in gossip about lots of big names. Well, at least that cheers me up and ya gotta take your pleasures where you can find them in my circs.

PS: Wilbur, please do not buy up all the stocks of Pixi lid & line - I may need some more soon.

And Dukes, I know I am only racing against myself. And I keep tripping myself up...

My male friends from my school days are now very successful - a Tory MP - my mother always wanted me to marry him - the CFO of a laaarge company in the city (my mother liked him for a potential son-in-law too).

Of my female friends, my bridesmaid is now an ambassador (the other bridesmaid became a Mormon after shagging half the village and trying lots of illegal substances and has been having babies for Jesus). I have another friend who is the editor of a big name fash mag in the US. But the rest of us are just normal.

My Important One, I think, was taught by MI's father...!

Oh yes, I have another couple of successful friends - he is always on Newsnight and Radio 4, and his wife is an Emmy award winning director for a documentary she made.

(DH is making dinner, after I refused to do so, on the grounds that I do every night - instead of something simple like spag bol, he is making something Complicated, and I suspect we won't be eating until about midnight.)

Well, I am soooo unsuccessful that every friend I have ever had EVER is probably more successful than I am. Aside from maybe a couple that I made in the loony-bin. Tomorrow I am meeting up with an old school friend from when I was at the local grammar school (as opposed to when I was at posh selective boarding school in the sixth form). Her parents forced her to leave school at 16. She has done better than I have. i.e. she has a sensible job and a sensible husband with a sensible job and sensibly had her sensible children when she was younger, so is now enjoying them being at university. I am not good at sensible. C'est la vie.

Sensible is dull, Strops.

I know no- body important or famous (oh, one knight - ex boss), but dp has the job I want/ed and I f**ked up monumentally. I am exhibit A 'where lack of confidence will get you'

Stropps I so need to do that..