Neighbour's nasty habit and neglect

[RubyRed1993]

Every day my neighbour puts her crying baby and toddler into her car, shuts the doors and smokes a miserable cigarette outside before getting in the car and driving off. When she returns she does the same in reverse, while the kids stay in the car, screaming. There's no garden, just a path up to the house.

We are not friends and I don’t particularly want to speak to her directly (she's a bit scary), but it’s really sad to hear the kids suffering while they are stuck in the car, especially during this heatwave.

I want to help without making a scene. Any advice?

I've reported the obvious troll

Yes, two, and I've been a professional nanny and aunt to several more.

You've been here too long I think. Get real

Totally. What a sad sad life these people lead

Yep - alien to me too …
all the ‘keep yer nose out brigade’
I just don’t get it !!!!

She's going out 10 times a day for a drive? If that true I'm not sure it's nicotine you need to worry about 😎

IDK... I thought someone here might have some experience of that... like with helping a grumpy relative quit smoking by leaving 'How to quit smoking' leaflets or nicotine gum around the house... obviously, I can't do that, but maybe someone has some similarly passive and non-confrontational ideas

I tried that with my mum and it didn't go down well at all. If you do that it will just antagonise her and she is likely to tell you to fuck right off.

I would have a word about the fag ends around the communal door though.

@RubyRed1993

So how are you planning on replacing the tax take from cigarettes?

In an ideal world smoking would be illegal and it would be treated as a serious safeguarding risk just like
heroin.

Trust me, history will look back on society and be absolutely astounded that such a substance was legal and that it was allowed to be used around children. It will be absolutely shocking in 100 years time.

People that continue to smoke when they have children are diabolical. There’s absolutely no excuse for it.

So presumably you are teetotal @Thursday37, condemn anyone who chooses to drink any alcohol in the presence of or when caring for children and advocate for them having their children removed?

Given that alcohol is also an addictive substance, causes serious health problems and unlike smoking has the added consequences of causing violence and diminishing mental capacity.

Oh leave the bloody woman alone, it’s probably her only few minutes of sanity

Yeah, sure.

If she’s struggling that much I feel like “oh I was due to have friends round for lasagne but they’ve got covid, you couldn’t possibly take 3 portions off my hands could you?”(deposit parcel of lasagne into hands and leave) on way out over shoulder “if you ever want a shower in peace just knock on and I’ll watch them for 5 mins, they’re a nightmare at that age, aren’t they?!” might cut down on a couple of ‘miserable’ cigarettes in the poor woman’s life

She makes it out of the house ten times a day with a baby and toddler? Woman deserves a medal.

So where would all these parents of smokers go? The already overburdened care system? I do wonder what people like you think about the care system, and the reality of a life being shuffled between strangers until you age out at 16-18. Stop talking shit fgs.

In and out twenty times per day, putting DCs in and out of car seats each time ... in a country that obviously isn't the UK because the DCs are always hot ... sure. This all seems plausible 🚬🙄

If you can hear them screaming (inside your house, to the point it appears distracts you from your work) presumably the car windows are open so they won't be getting that hot in the few minutes it takes her to smoke a cigarette.

@Thursday37 should look up what the outcomes are for children in the care system. The state is a terrible parent, it's much worse for you to be in care than have a smoking parent.

I take back everything I said about wanting a quote button.

10 to 20 times a day these children are placed in a car for mum to smoke and then drive.

I would have thought this would be a rather important detail to include in the OP

Rather strange this was left out.

Doesn’t sound pleasant and it’s definitely not something I would do. Both my parents smoked in the car when I was sat at the back as a kid in the early 90s, it was hell!

🙄

I do this. So what? Like someone said at least its not in the car. I have managed to quit before, am really struggling with quitting during a lot going on. Yes have asked GP for help quitting. Social services have better things to do. Butt out.

Maybe you glaring out the window at them is scary.

If the children aren't crying until they're in the car and are only there for 2 mins they can hardly be that distressed, and it's certainly not neglect.
It's not harmful or neglectful to let children cry for a short time.

If you'd have said you're annoyed because the noise of the crying is disturbing you (which is what I suspect the actual problem is, apart from your obvious distaste for smoking - fair enough but it's none of your business) then I think people would understand that.

So, you either speak to this woman and explain the noise is disturbing you, or as PP have rightly said, MYOB.