Neighbour's nasty habit and neglect

[RubyRed1993]

Every day my neighbour puts her crying baby and toddler into her car, shuts the doors and smokes a miserable cigarette outside before getting in the car and driving off. When she returns she does the same in reverse, while the kids stay in the car, screaming. There's no garden, just a path up to the house.

We are not friends and I don’t particularly want to speak to her directly (she's a bit scary), but it’s really sad to hear the kids suffering while they are stuck in the car, especially during this heatwave.

I want to help without making a scene. Any advice?

Don't get involved OP

MYOB

it might be the only child free few minutes she gets. 2 mins to have a fag is not going to cook the children in the car. It's not neglect ffs

Kids are fine to cry for afew mins tbh, it's not neglect, she's right there. More than likely she's had windows down or AC on so far is cool.

Do you sit at your window and watch then wait for her to come back?!

Sounds quite sensible to be honest. Better than smoking indoors over them.

At least she doesn't get in the car and smoke all over them whilst driving.

Yabu and seem over-familiar with her schedule.

Do you curtain twitch all day?

That's not neglect op.

Get a life and stop stalking your neighbour

Kids wailing in car for 3 minutes.
Mother having a fag in the street.
Pretty sure social services will be rushing round asap....
Not

I wonder if she judges your nasty habit of peering at your neighbours out of your window and judging them?

It's not neglect FFS. Yes, passive smoking isn't ideal, but she is literally right there with them.

I'm sure she knows what shes doing. She cares about her children, which is why she is smoking away from them, so why would she put thier health at risk by leaving them in a boiling car?

“and smokes a miserable cigarette outside”

I don’t think it’s the cigarette that’s miserable. Leave the poor woman alone, she’s not hurting you and she’s not smoking in an enclosed space with her children.

Actually, I misread - she isn't even smoking in the car with them so they're not passive smoking.

YABVVVU

My kids don't sit still unless strapped in a car seat. Those three minutes probably give her the sanity to get on with the rest of her day. MYOB

Bloody hell - imagine doing something “for yourself” as a parent. The shame!

Wow, you really hate her, don't you?

This is not neglect.

It's a revolting thing to do but no-one will get involved as it's not officially neglect. I wouldn't get involved unless you have other concerns that you can take to social services.
IMO people that smoke shouldn't be allowed to keep children, history will look back and be baffled that it was allowed. But it is.

Give the woman a break, you wouldn't be happy if she was smoking in the car or if she had the kids running around her whilst smoking.

Not your monkey. Not your circus.

Could be worse.

When I smoked when mine were younger I used to stand outside to have a cigarette and sometimes they'd realise I was gone and scream blue murder until I came back in. It was the only way I could have a smoke without them breathing it in as well. You do what you have to. Don't worry about it op.

I work from home and they're right outside my window. Hard to ignore

What is the issue OP that you think is wrong?

I did say the children are screaming, and it's a hot car. The baby in particular does that impossible-to-ignore distress crying. I work from home and they park right outside my window, so it's not something I'm listening out for. I'm not begrudging anyone having a few minutes of peace and sanity a day... but this isn't peaceful or sane. It happens many times a day and for about 5 minutes each time, which must seem like an age for small children. Anyone who says she is 'doing the right thing' is frankly nuts and not fit to dish out parenting advice themselves

I missed they were screaming. Tbf the car might not be hot, ours is icy cold, I keep taking myself off for a drive and then staying in the car for a bit on the drive.