Neighbour's nasty habit and neglect

[RubyRed1993]

Every day my neighbour puts her crying baby and toddler into her car, shuts the doors and smokes a miserable cigarette outside before getting in the car and driving off. When she returns she does the same in reverse, while the kids stay in the car, screaming. There's no garden, just a path up to the house.

We are not friends and I don’t particularly want to speak to her directly (she's a bit scary), but it’s really sad to hear the kids suffering while they are stuck in the car, especially during this heatwave.

I want to help without making a scene. Any advice?

Pretty sure there is no AC... it's an old banger. The children come out looking sweaty with beetroot-red faces.

Definitely MYOB.
At least she isn’t smoking in the car, and what would be worse is a very stressed, struggling parent who can’t even have a few mins to themselves! Mums are people too and need 5 minutes sometimes to be a better parent.

Wow.

She is not going to win Disney Mum of the a year but it is not neglect.

Leave her alone.

What’s your problem? She’s being responsible not smoking with children in the car, and if they’re screaming their head off she probably needs a 2 minute break.

Double wow!

They're not screaming until they are strapped into a hot car with nobody looking after them

Tripple WOW for Thursday37. Most ridiculous comment I have ever read anywhere regarding any topic.

If they are, as you say, ALWAYS screaming and crying, those few minutes might be, sadly, the highlight of her day. Get a life and get on with your work instead of looking out of the window at a woman you freely admit you do not know and judge as 'scary'.

Neglect my arse. Have my first MN ever

It is neglect. Maybe not in the eyes of the law.
But I'm thinking more about helping her to quit smoking, somehow, hence choosing this section of Mumsnet

Mumsnet, by the way, richly deserves its reputation of being a good place to wind up the rubes. Kudos to those who ask further questions, but everyone else who just replies with "MYOB" should take their own advice once step further and STFU.

They're not screaming until they are strapped into a hot car with nobody looking after them

Well then it doesn’t point to neglect then does it? If they’re otherwise happy except for the couple of minutes that the mum is having a cigarette away from them, then it would instead indicate they have a good relationship.

If the only time they were not screaming was when she’s nowhere near them, that’d be more concerning.

And seeing as this year we’ve had very few hot days, yet this is apparently an issue that you’ve been keeping track of over time, presumably heat has nothing to do with it?

Or has it just happened only over the past couple of days?

No it's not. Have a look at actual neglect Op. You really thing she's going to take kindly to the neighborhood busy body sticking their massive hooter into her business?

Maybe she doesn't want to stop. She might have 2 fags a day and enjoy the 90 seconds it's takes to smoke them. Leave her alone

Just saw it is the OPs first post on here. That'll explain it!

Seriously you think that people that smoke should have their children taken away from them?

No she'd had to be murdered for that

Another newbie with heatstroke.

It's been going on for ages. I'm chill about the hundreds of fag ends stubbed outside our communal door, but the children screaming is really distressing

@RubyRed1993 "They're not screaming until they are strapped into a hot car with nobody looking after them"

You said she places them in the car then stands at the side of the car, so they are being watched by her, she is just not in the same 'room', if they were in the living room crying for a couple of minutes and she was in the kitchen cooking would that be neglect or if they were in the bedroom crying while she was in the bathroom showering?

@RubyRed1993

It is neglect. Maybe not in the eyes of the law.
But I'm thinking more about helping her to quit smoking, somehow, hence choosing this section of Mumsnet

Mumsnet, by the way, richly deserves its reputation of being a good place to wind up the rubes. Kudos to those who ask further questions, but everyone else who just replies with "MYOB" should take their own advice once step further and STFU

In future please include a statement in your OP that you only welcome replies from people who agree with you and tell you what you want to hear.

As for helping her to stop smoking - its very difficult to stop smoking. 'Help' from a judgemental next door neighbour whose starting point is insisting its 'neglect' has a low probability of success

“Hello neighbour, you don’t know me from Adam but I wondered if you would like me to help you give up smoking as you appear to be neglecting your children?”

You should definitely go for it, I can’t see it backfiring at all.

It's more like 10-20 fags a day, and for sure I am not going to stick my hooter anywhere, but I might surreptitiously post a few "How to quit smoking" leaflets thru the door because the real issue is the addiction creating a situation which, while not 'neglect' in legal terms, is still neglectful and distressing

Yeah, I won't be doing that

I didn't say she stands at the side. She's outside of the car, wandering around. And while the children can't see her they are scared, hot, and alone.

Is everyone supposed to be a crap parent on here then?

The surreptitious posting of leaflets 'thru' the door is just hilarious! You are way too invested in this woman's life...