AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!

[Daffydilly]

That's it really - just needed to get it off my chest. If there are any step-mums out there who don't recognise that feeling then please let me know your secret.

[DillyDora]

Hi All,

Thanks Talie for being the voice of reason - omg there is a reasonable ex out there! I wanted to meet my DH's ex before I met the kids but she has always refused to meet me (in 2.5 yrs) so there is no dialogue which is just ridiculous. She and DH had been broken up for 7 years before I came along.

Daffydilly you and I have a lot of the same issues. Don't want to give too many details here in case I can be identified by the very very scary ex but she has been instrumental in keeping the kids away from us when it suits her by telling them things that have frightened them .

It's a tough situation for everyone, it's a good job I love DH so much, that's all I can say! I wouldn't be the first partner who has given up in the face of it all!!!

[DillyDora]

Just to say Stacey I'm really sorry to hear about your situation, and so so sorry for your DSD - poor kid.

[talie101]

All I can add really is that with time DSD will be able to make her own mind up about the situation and make her own choices - you can only wait till then. Stay positive, make her stay with you as lovely as possible and just try switch off to the rubbish coming from the ex - you never know she may realise the error of her ways given time too.

No child should be forced to call stepmum or stepdad anything another person tells them too - that really is out of order! It should be the choice of the child. I have a stepfather and my mum never told us how to address him - in the end I decided I wanted to call him 'dad' out of respect because he was the one who actively took part in my life. Even if my dd's ended up calling stepmum 'mum' too, although I would be initially devastated, I guess I should also be thankful that they feel that close to her. (The dd's could have a stepmum from hell and hate going, but they don't and aren't part of the situation that happened between me and their dad - I can only be thankful that she treats my children very well).

Dillydora - exwife must have had her reasons for not wanting to meet up and that's up to her. Don't know your present situation but with time, maybe you could offer to meet again? I really can't understand why she wouldn't want to meet you if you were nothing to do with their separation. I would most definitely want to be on speaking terms in that instance - I just find the whole OW situation still a little painful but we will get there, because that's what I ultimately want.

[DillyDora]

Talie her stated reason for not wanting to meet me was 'What's the point? I won't be able to convince her (me) of what a dreadful person you (ex) are.' errr...okay, I actually just thought she'd want to meet the person who was going to be around her children...call me crazy. She's behaved the same with anyone DH has been involved with since she and he broke up (a break up in which no one else was involved), completely ignored them.... The only reason it matters is because I'm around her children and she criticizes me to DH but won't sit down and talk to us. Bah, it's all silliness, it won't change I don't think and it's not really worth getting into. It's just a shame. Not everyone is cool like you!

So sorry for your DSS & DSDs mjinhiding

[talie101]

DillyDora - what a pathetic reason! - and surely she realises that just because they possibly had a crap relationship, it doesn't mean you two have. Relationships either work or they dont, grass is greener or it isn't etc.

I think what you say MJ is true about exwife being bitter because her own life hasn't turned out quite as she might have hoped. She obviously has nothing better to do with her life than try to upset the lives of others.

Even though I haven't moved onto a better life and got much, I have a happy loving settled one with my children and I think my exh still gives me crap now and again purely because the grass isn't always greener, he's not always happy with his life and sees that I'm doing good for myself - and I'm the only one he can take things out on too! If you are truly happy with your life, why would you feel the need to still antagonise your ex? You would surely want every area to be happy?!

You all sound like decent stepparents and can only continue to do your best for the children concerned. If you've tried to make things amicable with mum and she's refused, then just feel good that you've put the effort in and she hasn't - you can do no more.

[DillyDora]

Cheers talie. Sorry your ex gives you crap, I don't know why people feel they have a right to do that. How does that work 'I had a relationship with you once so now everytime I'm pissed off instead of kicking the cat I'll kick you....' ???? That's just an ugly and undignified way of behaving.

O well...onward and upward eh?!

[foolio]

AAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH

feel better already.

another weekend of SD being dumped on us the entire time.

another weekend of being made to feel unwelcome in my own home.

another weekend of receiving a bag full of dirty clothes from SD's mother.

I dread weekends all the time now.

I'm off on holiday, without DP, tomorrow. He's off with his family in a few days time for 2 weeks. We won't see each other for 2.5 weeks which is tough, but I really need a break from the whole situation.