am amazed by this woman, rare breed

[jonesy71]

This story has amazed me...

I have recently met again with an old friend after many years, she now has a son 6 and a daughter 2. She is married to a man she had an affair with when he was married to his first wife, who he has 3 girls with 10, 12 & 13.

The first wife was told about the affair by her then husband because during the affair my friend fell pregnant. After a bit of to and fro he decided to leave his first wife for my friend to bring up their son together.

The first wife then arranged to meet my friend to talk and get to know her before the older girls started to have access visits with their Dad, - she obviously was angry and upset but kept focused on the bigger picture, i.e. her daughters being happy visiting their dad and the 'other woman'.

not only this but the son started to have visits at first wife's home with his step-sisters and she even looked after him when they went on their honeymoon!!

She had the boy stay when they were in hospital having the daughter too!!

now it's a regular thing, my friend's boy and baby girl stay with her whenever they want to get away just the two of them.

i'm just gobsmacked by it all really, how she managed to get past how angry she must have felt having her husband, her daughters' dad just snatched away from her, ...my friend says, 'yes we have been really lucky, she's been ridiculously reasonable about it all'

i mean

Just because people are praising the wife for being able to be so understanding and forgiving, doesn't mean they are dismissing the actions of the husband and the OW.

I think what the husband and OW did was disgusting but that wasn't what was being discussed.

The wife appears to have decided that even though those people chose to behave awfully, she was going to rise above it and acknowledge that all the children in the situation were innocent parties in the mess and she obviously wanted her children to continue to have a relationship with their Dad and build one with their half sibling.

We have no idea that she must be nearing an emotional breakdown or the only reason she could do something like that was because of anti depressants. I forgave my husband, care for his daughter and involved her in our family ... without the aid of any anti depressants. I just wasn't going to lower myself to the other 2 adults standards.

I am SFC. I was using a different browser which was logged in in an old name.

I think this is weird and probably not all it seems.

there WILL be anger and so on just it is being somehow covered up.

I think it's deeply odd for a child to spend time with the original partner or wife.

where do the bad feelings go exactly?

The bad feelings can still be there, you just learn to control them. Perhaps she had counselling. Perhaps she met another partner and is blissfully happy with him.

I will just add, that yes having the child when they go on honeymoon and when the OW was in labour with the second child, does seem a little extreme. That is a lot to forgive and let go. But I can understand her feelings in wanting to rise above it and ensure her children carry on having a relationship with their Dad and half siblings.

When there are 2 'sets' of children involved I think it's probably got something to do with putting the anger aside or at least not letting it show for the sake of all the children. My MIL isn't angry anymore, but this all happened 15 or so years ago so I guess time has helped. I think she acted in the way she did to make life easier for her kids and tried not to affect the ow kids as it's really not their fault. Like I said previously I couldn't do it but have huge respect for those who have. I just hope the men and ow involved realise how lucky they are.

Hooray for ChocHobNob and some of the earlier posters who actually get the point of this.

Anyone who can deal with a situation the way she has shows great strength, she is not weak or walked all over, she is bigger than all of them.

If anything it will be the husband and the ow / new wife who will be carry around the burden of guilt with them, compounded by the ex wife's ability to rise above what they have done.

If you do something wrong and you take your punishment for it it's easier to move on and forgive yourself, done your crime, did the time. If this was me i'd be forever waiting and wondering whatever form my punishment would take, now that could really eat away at a person.

Well put jonesy right I'm out if here to go and enjoy the sun while it lasts.

Sorry, I don't know the people involved but tbh it does sound a little creepy. She is kind of punishing them in a very strange way.